Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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onmymind2000 02/08/2015

I posted this in other rooms to get more feedback. Not sure if that's proper protocol.

I got an email today. About 15 minutes ago, actually. I won't retype it word for word because it would take too long, and you all probably have better things to do.

Basically, it was an email from a guy that says he is my ex GF's fiancee. You know? The "ex" that just became my ex yesterday? It turns out, according to the email, she didn't leave for SC to stay with extended family but, rather, to move in with this guy she met online, and then decided to get engaged to about six months ago.

In the email he lets me know he knew about me, and according to my ex, she "had nothing but really great things to say" about me. He is "sorry" that it happened this way, but he wanted to be a "man" and let me know, himself, that she is gone for good and that I should try to move on.

He also included that anything in my house that belonged to her can just get donated or sold, as she took what she needed, and "over time she sent things to him".

I text her to verify that this email was legit, and she said yes and that she was so, so sorry it turned out this way.

I wanted to curse him out, but what's the point? He doesn't know me. It's not like he is my cousin or something.

So, I also text her friend that's here...the one she left to stay with...and she told me that she didn't want to get in the middle of it, and that I probably should lose her number.

I feel like my life is becoming one of those horror stories you see on Jerry Springer.

joanielee 02/08/2015

I am really sorry you are going through this, and I agree, it sounds like a Jerry Springer show! One thing I know for certain: you are much better off without a woman like that in your life. Everything she did was deceitful. If she really was looking to get into a relationship with someone else, she should have been honest with you from the get go. And think: this guy she left you for, now HE will have to deal with her and have someone like that in his life, someone he will never truly be able to trust, after witnessing how she treated you. Seriously, you should look at this as a strange blessing in disguise. You don't want someone like that in your life.

broken234 02/08/2015

I agree. You should look at this as a blessing in disguise. Your ex and the new guy have a relationship doomed from the start. I know it still hurts but now you are free to heal and find someone who truly appreciates you. Focus on yourself and becoming who you want to be. I am trying that out after my husband left me and our two children. It is advice that I got from others on here and it seems to help. I am not saying that you can just move on tomorrow but when the time is right. I am sorry that this is happening to you. No one should have to go through this. Good luck.

tailspin916 02/08/2015

Dude, you are 100% much better without her in your life. She cheated on you three times, well now make that FOUR times in your relationship (at least that you know about)! As jonielee said, be glad she is his problem now, no longer yours. Take this as a blessing, as you have been spared of possibly many more years of deceit in the future.

onmymind2000 02/08/2015

Thank you joanie and Broken. Between you two and the Healthy Relationships board, I think finding Dailystrength might also be a blessing in disguise.

onmymind2000 02/08/2015

Tail - I hit "add" too soon.

You're right. I think I know that, you know, in a really logical sense. I know it's not ok and it's wrong. I just don't know HOW to begin being ok?

NewBegin2012 02/08/2015

I find it interesting that some people are so afraid of being alone that they will use and string others along until the fall safely into another relationship. Then pull the plug. I think it is a control thing. People need to be in control even if it is at another person's expense.

She basically controlled that situation to her benefit at your expense.

When you go to bed tonight. Cross your hands in prayer and let god know how thankful you are for taking her out of your life. However, just remember it will be good to pay god back for the favor. So you should perform some good kindly acts in gratitude to your fellow man to keep you and the man up stairs straight

onmymind2000 02/08/2015

Thanks New :)

godzgirlprayz 02/08/2015

OnMyMind...

What a way to have the news sprung on you... she didn't even have the nerve to tell you...you had to hear it from her "new" fiance. Just as everyone before me has said, this is a blessing! Thank goodness you don't have kids involved.

Even though this is a blessing, I know it doesn't help the ache you may feel in your heart or the anger you feel from the betrayal! Even though you said you tend to smother...you were loving her in the way you felt you should. Sadly enough, most of us want what we can't have and will lose ourselves trying. I know this first hand.

Today is a new day. Today is a step toward a new beginning! Take one moment at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time.... it's all you can do as you begin to build a new life for YOU!! Take this time to work on you and learn to love you so you can one day love someone else. (I'm preaching to myself, too when I say this)

I'm new here but I'm finding that this is a pretty great place to meet others who are going through the same or similar struggles.

EmotionalCutter 02/08/2015

"Wow" is right! That is the first word that popped into my head as I read your post... "wow, what a coward!". Not only did she repeatedly cheat on you (which is an ultimate act of cowardice all on it's own) but she didn't even have the nerve to tell you to your face? She had the other guy do it for her?!?! And what does it say about the other man that he would ask a woman to marry him while knowing she was still with you? 6 MONTHS?! That's insanity! He clearly doesn't have any self esteem to be allowed to be used as her puppet that he would accept being the dirty little secret for so long and then deliver the news on her behalf?! UGH!

Everyone is right, although it is hard to see accept during the initial pain of being left, you should really try to focus on what she's done so that you can find happiness that she's gone. Seriously, I would write it all down somewhere. That way, when the good memories creep in and start to make you feel lonely, you can read it and remember what she's capable of.

Hugs to you.

onmymind2000 02/08/2015

God - thanks for the encouraging and supportive words. I am finding that even though I have only been on here for a couple days, the people are pretty amazing.

I appreciate that you said maybe I didn't smother but instead loved the way I knew how. I think that is right because I did love her the best I could in all these years. I tried or at least, I thought I tried.

I am going to figure out how to work on me, I just don't know how or what step to take. I don't believe the anger has set in...I am shocked and starting to feel sad and discouraged, but not angry yet.

I wish I knew how to get out from in front of this mess.

Thank you for your very, very kind words.

Missy73 02/08/2015

While it may not seem like it, Christmas came early for you this year. You just received the best gift ever. You were willing to give up your desire to get married and have kids for a woman who is completely undeserving. That she is now someone else's problem is a great thing. You now have the opportunity to find someone who shares your values and is worthy of your love.

onmymind2000 02/09/2015

You are all correct.

I can see it, and I know that it seems really, REALLY crazy. It just didn't seem this crazy at the time.

I didn't text or contact her since the email, and I blocked her from my FB. I know not contacting her is my first, best move.

I will sort it out.

derby800 02/09/2015

how many years were you together. had she cheated o you before?

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