It only took two weeks to face the truth. That's not bad! And let me tell you, it is so liberating. That truth is, the man I married is nothing like I thought he was. He didn't really love me. He loved the way I made him feel and when I didn't make him feel that way anymore he turned away. I feel pretty much like an idiot for not seeing it but at least I got rid of the shame, guilt and worthless feelings I had before. How did I get rid of it? I called him up and yelled at him. I didn't worry about what stress he was under in the army and put him first. I called him at 1:30 am thinking he would be asleep but knowing I had to do this for me and not worry about him. Turns out he was just getting in from partying with friends. Poor baby.

I haven't felt this good for weeks. I almost hate to go to sleep. I think I need it though. My next goal is to figure out how to forgive myself for making the mistake in the first place and regain the thought that there are good people in the world who are capable of having healthy relationships so I don't take the chance again. I am a good person dammit! I didn't deserve any of this. Isn't that good news? No more denial. Don't you guys feel better?? I feel better lol

Someone posted something today about validation. I wonder if a lot of our horrible feelings are just that we think it's our fault and there is something wrong with us. If you truly feel your ex skipped out on you and was the one to blame there would be no reason to feel bad anymore. You wouldn't want him back anyway.

And yes I realize I played a part in this and will correct my mistake if I ever fall in love again but I didn't deserve this.