Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
What if after all was said and done that I was really the asshole she made me out to be and all the things she told her friends, and what if it were all my actions that caused a good woman to cheat on me because of all the horrible things that I did. What have I not told this group or myself for that matter....if I were an outsider looking I would say, "this doesn't add up"
The only thing I know now and going forward is this,
1) I wear my grief everyday, it's like a wool heavy blanket that has been draped over me.
2) I never lay in bed at night and say to myself, "I just want everything to go back to the way things were" I don't because I know that my depression was becoming toxic and I did not want to loss my family. Further more I wanted to change and become a better husband and father.
3)That this time will not be in vain....I want to uncover every rock and peek under it....I want to open every door even though I fear what I might find, I hunger for the answers.
4) I love my children with all my heart and I know they love me....I also know I will be in their lives for the rest of my life.
5) I loved my wife with all my heart and there was nothing I would not have done to save us and our family.
I know to this day I have not heeled all the way.....I don't laugh as hard as I use to, I have lost my sense of purpose hence my compass just spins madly.I weep for my loss and what I have caused it is that which now humbles me.
The only thing I know now and going forward is this,
1) I wear my grief everyday, it's like a wool heavy blanket that has been draped over me.
2) I never lay in bed at night and say to myself, "I just want everything to go back to the way things were" I don't because I know that my depression was becoming toxic and I did not want to loss my family. Further more I wanted to change and become a better husband and father.
3)That this time will not be in vain....I want to uncover every rock and peek under it....I want to open every door even though I fear what I might find, I hunger for the answers.
4) I love my children with all my heart and I know they love me....I also know I will be in their lives for the rest of my life.
5) I loved my wife with all my heart and there was nothing I would not have done to save us and our family.
I know to this day I have not heeled all the way.....I don't laugh as hard as I use to, I have lost my sense of purpose hence my compass just spins madly.I weep for my loss and what I have caused it is that which now humbles me.
Give up the ghost (((HUGS)))
She chose to lie to you and lead you on. SHE chose to cheat, no one or no thing made her do that. Her actions are hers alone by her own concious decisions.
She is not a real woman, because a real woman would have spoken up about her unhappiness. She would not have strung another human being along like she did.
Who cares about the what ifs? The bottom line is you did your part, she did not do hers.
Im sorry man. I hope you can laugh hard again soon.
I like you question them all the time......what if I was the one that drove him into her arms, what if I was the reason for all of this......
I am sorry for your loss and your pain, but I do have to believe, like many others have said, it will get better, I will laugh again, and I will be okay.....I just have to do the work.
((hugs))
what if she was so afraid of the real life version of her life she had to go find someone else to hide behind?
honestly if you were that much of an ass (your wording - not mine) i doubt you would be taking as much time as you have to look within yourself for the answers, to do the work that you have done and continue to do.
there is nothing so bad that you did to her that caused her to cheat. its a reflection of her and how little she thinks of herself. she didnt want to do the work on herself or the marriage so she fled.
again - you are doing the work. its hasnt been in vain. look at the pictures of your kids and know that its not in vain.
now i am going to go try to dig up some funny stuff so we can get you laughing harder - :)
xoxo
My ex went out drinking EVERY night for the last year of our marriage. At the end the kids were seeing him so rarely that they didn't even notice that he'd moved out......until I told them 10 days later.....
I won't even go into the other stuff.
And I didn't cheat. Never once came anywhere close.
So for her not to only think of it, but to do it......well you must have really been something. Crack or heroin.....perhaps????
IDK, I think I'd still file for divorce first if I was thinking of someone else.....
geez ... the excuses that people make for not keeping their drawers on.
ya gotta love cheaters. they are hilarious.
Your wife's version of things is on one section. Your reasons are on another. What your mother might say about your breakup is another, your children another, and so on...and there is one section that is unknown to everyone.
The truth is the combination of all 18 sections.
So if she has a laundry list of everything you did wrong, those may all be true, certainly in her eyes they are. But your experience is just as true for you.
Do all the internal house cleaning you need to, but keep in your awareness, it's a damn fine house, with the clutter or without.
And I think it's important that when people hurt, or possibly feel badly about hurting someone they were supposed to love, it's always easier to point the finger at them than at themselves. It is quite possible that she might be doing that. Because, no matter what, there is no excuse for cheating.