I totally agree with your friend who said you only have this one life to live. That's awesome advice. I'm glad you are heeding it.

Your heart is free Shan....don't be afraid to follow it. (Braveheart lol)

You don't deserve that. You really don't. Its amazing how someone who we think cares about us is so nasty to us. Fat and lazy? That is so inappropriate.You can't keep giving several chances to someone who isn't going to respect you.

I feel like you don't want to become accustomed to be treated that way. I had the same issue with my ex. Called me fat and lazy and didn't like anything i did and always had something smart to say. After being together for close to 3 years we ended it over a year ago and he has tried several times to reach out to me. I did not respond.

Sometimes people need to understand that you won't accept their crap. I think you need to work on yuorself and rebuild yourself and stop taking the abuse because its not fair to you at all.

I completely agree with dsb. Sometimes, or should I say oftentimes, abusers just get so used to us putting up to their crap that they'll think we could never leave them and that we'll always be putting up with them... so glad you gave a stop to that and know when to give up the fight.

I can totally relate to what you are saying. I am often put down as well. He doesn't even realize he's doing it. I said to him that I was upset with my sister for not inviting me out with her and some of her sister-in-laws on mother's day and he said I told you she only likes you when you are drunk and acting a fool, of course she don't want to be around you since you don't drink as much anymore. I said are you crazy I'm talking about my sister not some random person on the street and what you said is totally untrue my sister love's me. He looked at me and said what are you getting mad at me for I just gave you a compliment because you are acting better these days. What? But that's how he thinks. I swear he looks at me and only sees what I am not.

Ya, it's just frustrating. I can say hurtful things too but I only started since he's shown so little interest in me and my feelings. Not that I'm justifying myself....I shouldn't say anything bad or stoop to his level but it's hard not to when he's do mean sometimes. It's more common after he's been drinking. Ugh

My husband is not bothered by anything I say. If I'm in the bed on Saturdays at 8am, I'm lazy, he calls me fat and sure I can lose a pound or two but I'm not fat. He sends me to the salon and always hates the hairdo I get. He want to pick out my clothes, shoes, etc. I'm just like good grief please just leave me. And let's not forget social gatherings I'm always told how wonderful someone else looks and I just feel so less than all the time. I'm glad he's gone for seven to ten days at a time. I couldn't take it if he was home everyday.

"I don't hate him, but I'm not in love with him. "

This is the bottom line. For you and for me. I think your friend gave very good advice. It's not worth it to force yourself to be unhappy. And Lord knows you've tried. I think it's often difficult for women to give up because of societal expectations, even if their heart is not in it.
And, to quote Dear Sugar, wanting to leave is enough. It is a reason in itself. Good luck! You will get through this.

This is this hardest thing I've ever had to do :(

it really is hard Shan, i agree w you there. however, it is also hard to stay in a situation like that. things will get better after you move forward; often they just get worse when you know you should leave but don't. unfortunately i stayed longer than i should have, subjected myself to too much pain. it is gradually getting better now. big hugs and lots of support to you!

Hey Shanbanan - I totally hear you when you say "I don't hate him, but I'm not in love with him." And, "I feel alone in my marriage, and think I would feel free again and happier without him." Those were two of the biggest "clues" for me to uncover when I finally made my decision to file for divorce from my ex-husband. It's hard, REALLY HARD, when you come to that realization. But, as other friends of yours here on DS have told you, you DON'T deserve the treatment that he is giving you. A real man who is genuinely in love with a lady doesn't call her names, is there when his lady needs him to be (mentally, emotionally AND physically), and puts his lady as the FIRST priority in his life (not his priorities of making excuses for his actions, inactions, alcohol problem, penis problem, etc., etc.). A man genuinely in love with his lady would move heaven and earth to buck up and take the necessary steps to make himself and the marriage the most happiest and healthiest that it can possibly be. Once again, Shanbanan.....his ACTIONS are speaking LOUDER than his WORDS!!! His actions are showing you his true colors, and when men do that.....BELIEVE THEM! You know I will be here to support you as I always have. I believe in YOU!! Remember girlfriend.....you GOT THIS....and the bright, happy and healthy future that you can make for yourself! You GO girl!! (((Hugs)))

Um.....I don't know if you said "he's mean after he's been drinking" as if to say that he isn't mean ALL the time, just when he's drinking.

Problem 1:

1. He's drinking so much to the point that his meanness is not unique

Problem 2:

2. He's mean. He calls you names and, per your other posts, he doesn't even shower regularly...so I'm not sure where he gets off calling you names?

Look, when you're done, you're done. It's hard as hell, yes, but you tried. You put in max effort. You either continue putting in effort that is not reciprocated, or you move on.

I get that the choice/decision sucks. I really, really do.

But, wow! I would so much rather be alone than having someone who is supposed to "love" me,calling me fat and lazy.

Many hugs!