Hi Cougar - There has to be more to this than just Facebook. A 5 year relationship doesn't come to a screeching halt because of something so minor. And if SHE thinks it's a major issue - perhaps you should rethink being with her. Sounds very childish. Are you sure that she doesn't have other problems about your relationship? Perhaps the fact that you've only had two fights in 5 years might tell you something - this is VERY unusual! She may have been holding things inside and this is an excuse? In my personal opinion Facebook is more trouble than it's worth in the first place. Just sayin.

She is under enormous pressure at work and we have not been able to spend a lot of quality time know there's not another person in her life. there were a few little things we had to go to her ex's for thanksgiving dinner, she does not like the silent treatment and can't stand sarcasm, but my sarcasm was never directed at her more about little things I could not control.
one more thing she wants to go on a date and try to rekindle but I feel the daggar is almost to deep.

If you want to try to save the relationship it sounds like you both have some issues. Perhaps counseling? I have found trying to go back to the "dating" thing after being involved for so long doesn't work. Too
many things have happened to pretend to date. Whatever is going on between you needs to be discussed and dealt with.

If I have suggested counseling and she said no what would you suggest from there.

Wow. If she's said no then it doesn't sound to me like she wants to fix things. My thoughts are if you want to save the relationship you do WHATEVER IT TAKES. You don't just walk away and say it's not working. It may be nothing specific that has happened between you, maybe she just doesn't want the relationship for whatever reason.

Some people have a fear of counseling but if she wants to make the relationship work she will agree. In any event, counseling might be good for you if you have trouble moving past this.

I can't add much to what hopeless said. I agree about individual counseling. Unless you both have already done a good bit of individual counseling already, its really better for each person to go to individual counseling for a while before they do joint counseling.

I can pretty much guarantee that each of you are coming from a place that has absolutely nothing to do w/the other. That's what's called 'junk in the trunk.' Its what we bring with us into every relationship (unless we do our inner work). It comes from our family of origin and other relationships.

What happens is that one person will do something to trigger the other one. (And this happens all the time w/both people.) Their response isn't actually based on what the other one did. It's an old 'programmed in' response. Of course this is done subconsciously so we aren't usually aware of it until we do some therapy and 'awaken' that awareness. Hence the need for individual counseling.

Regardless of what your gf does, please consider seeing a qualified counselor, if only to learn about setting and keeping boundaries, not having to walk on egg shells for fear of your actions backfiring and learning some healthy relationship communication.

~healing hugs~

Cougar, did you in fact ask your gf if she would consider couple's counseling? It appears to me that you threw that question out as a hypothetical one.

I am not holding out a lot of hope for this relationship if you don't get counseling. It sounds like you engage in a bit of passive/aggressive behavior- hiding your rel. status on social media, the silent treatment, her sarcasm...you two need some help.

Best of luck.

Back to the Facebook thing, I too have had a lot of problems with my boyfriend about the different ways we use Facebook. he refuses to be in a relationship with me over facebook although we have been dating for 3 years off and on.

I finally had to decide I would rather my relationship status say widowed until if and when I remarry because it is more dignified that way.

My ex-now current again- boyfriend has refused to be tagged in all of the beautiful vacation photos I took of us and I finally had to make it a condition of taking him back that he would be tagged in all of the photos of us together.

I use Facebook as a mirror of my real life and I am not ashamed of or hiding anything in my life, but my boyfriend has a lot of hang ups and competition issues with his Facebook friends so is weird about this shit.

I sympathize. My boyfriend who supposedly wants to marry me never even posts anything on my Facebook wall because he's trying to not be involved with me on social media which I find quite offensive as I am quite involved with social media.

I think you probably need o have a long serious talk with your girlfriend and probably have the fight that has been brewing for a while about how you both use Facebook and just talk about it. Talking it out is a really good way to solve problems. You can talk it out with a couples counselor as has been suggested here or you can do it alone.

But to answer your question, yes, I have almost broken up with my boyfriend over the different ways we use Facebook many times. It happens.