Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

13,010 Members
100,360 Posts
0 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Breakups & Divorce Support Group

14 years together and 9 years married.. wasted?

greatdanelvr
greatdanelvr

We are being cordial around the kids and have decided to co-parent until we can get the finances in order to make better decisions regarding our situation. I just worry that its going to negatively effect the kids anyways ☹️ We aren’t necessarily gunning for a divorce, but we have a lot to work on before we can make that decision. Suggestions? 

jojored
jojored
Sorry you're here. Depending upon the kids' ages, they probably already feel the stress. My son knew already at 10 that I didn't sleep in the same room, even though I started the night in there and was up every morning before my son. Since you didn't detail the issues surrounding your situation, the best advice I can give is to be honest with the kids. Talk to them in age appropriate language about what they likely already sense, but don't scare them. Reassure them constantly that you both love them and that this will never change.
obviousBUTcomplex
obviousBUTcomplex
you just need to avoid getting into argument/fight in front of the kids and let them know/feel that you both will continue to love, care and support them regardless of what happens to the relationship. its important that they feel secure in their own lives and that their needs for healthy lifestyle (physical/psychological) is supported and will continue to do so regardless of what happen to you and your partner.
greatdanelvr
greatdanelvr
Thanks for the suggestions! My kids are 6 and 7 and definetly feel the stress. The worst is when they see my crying and lord knows that I try to hide it, but sometimes I can’t. Especially when things get heated. I sat them down and told them that mommy and daddy love them and each other, but sometimes we love each other so much that we get upset and it makes us sad. I think my main goal for now is to make sure they keep the feeling of security and structure.....
copingwith2
copingwith2
I was 12 years together and 9 years married when he left. Our kids are 8 and 4, It is very hard on the kids whether you stay in the same home and try to work on it or like in my case he left and moved right in with another woman. Our 8 yr old has been seeing a psychologist and that seemed to help, I also bought some kid oriented books to read with them about separation and divorce. That really seemed to work with my 8 yr old, she seemed to really connect with the books and even talks about how the story is similar to what happened to her or how she feels.
Are you thinking about getting counseling for you or both of you? That is one thing I wish we had done, we went to see someone that was not a good fit for us and never tried anyone else. So if you do get counseling and the person doesn't seem to fit, try another counselor.