Well, it's been this long now and a while since I posted a topic. I don't do alone very well, my background is a large family when I was very young. I've been out of work just as long. One month after a downsize, I divorced, went into a mental care facility twice and had my 4th lower back surgery. I'm limited what I can do in jobs because of the surgeries and now it's getting worse again. I'm seeing someone in an LTR and she knows my situation. But, even tho I'm selling my house due to finances, she doesn't want to live together at all. She's been married 3 times, in an LTR for 8 years before me. I understand she doesn't want to get hurt again.neither do I, but at what point will she even consider living together or marriage. I don't think she is. We get along amazingly well and have a lot of fun. The difference between her and my ex is night and day. I considered breaking it off but she told me she doesn't want to. So, we're still dating. But, at the same time I ask myself is it because I hate being alone? I've gone on dating sites even some located overseas thinking I need commitment, realizing it takes time. I feel like a hypocrite for looking on these dating sites but, some of the women I've seen have so much in common with me. I just hate being alone. I didn't realize how bad my marriage was until I was divorced. I don't want to settle and I know what it is I want in a relationship. I hate that my current GF can't or won't take a risk on a good thing. We get along so well. I'm sure if she knew I was looking, she'd break it off.bim thinking I should be honest about it all. She just can't commit. I've always had a confidence problem in my appearance but, I get on these sites and when I have women come right out and tell me I'm good looking, well, it makes me feel pretty good cuz I don't hear it very often, even though my ex would tell me women would tell her that. I had classmates in HS that would tell me just the opposite so, I think it had a lot to do with my self image. When I see slim, attractive women and intelligent too, on these dating sites, I feel it helps me to move forward and yet at the same time I feel so shallow for not being honest with my Gf about it. The odd thing is, I was never like this before at all. It would never even occur to me to do stuff like this. My friends would say this isn't like me at all. I sometimes wonder if it's a chemical change in my brain, which sounds like a total cop out. After all this the divorce last year was the right thing to do. We were just two people living under the same roof, well, existing not living.