Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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lonelygal27 08/15/2010

Last one year my boyfriend of 5 years (closest friend of 15 years) suddenly stopped communicating and withdrew. It was a long distance relationship but it was strong - based on our friendship and trust. 6-8 months there was intermittent communication and he would not speak nor would he break up and give me any closure. He started communicating again about 6 months ago and we met a couple of times and then about 2 months ago he again stopped communicating completely. He came back again a week back and said he is not ready for a long term formal commitment.
He is not ready to let go nor ready to be in a committed relationship.
I would like to give him a little time to think what he really wants and then call it quits. How much time is good to give to him?
He is not seeing anyone as far as I know else he would have moved on.
I do not know how possible it would be but would still like to remain friends with him - later if not now.
I do not know how to deal with him and the pain, please advise

deleted_user 08/15/2010

It sounds like something has happened in his life and he doesn't want to share it with you.. also sounds like he wants you when only HE WANTS YOU.. is that what you want? Don't you deserve more than that!!!? I would move on.. put him finally behind you.

Dave17 08/15/2010

he is a necessity for you, and you are an option for him. This is no way to live. time to move on.
I am so sorry that you are going through this. We are all here for you.-Dave

deleted_user 08/15/2010

relationships should be reciprocal. you can't have your cake and eat it too. if he wants to be in a relationship, awesome, but if he doesn't, he can't constantly keep you in this state of flux. it's not fair especially because you have known eachother for so long. i would say let go, and although that is such a hard thing to do, in the long term it will make you feel so much better. best of luck :)

lonelygal27 08/15/2010

thanks everyone, the advice keeps me going strong. He called again yesterday and spoke for over 20 minutes - general stuff tho and I had issues sleeping, reading the advice will keep me going.

lonelygal27 08/16/2010

life has come to a full stop .... but i think although i am in contact with him i am close to finding my closure (although it may take months, years to move on completely) - meeting him next month.

lonelygal27 08/25/2010

we are talking again...
no good - just a vicious pattern ... keeps repeating taking more and more from me.

deleted_user 08/25/2010

I completely agree with michelenio's advice. I don't know why we as women allow men to have so much control over us. Let me begin by saying that I completely understand where you are coming from; I too have been in a very similar situation. When you "love" someone it's hard to distinguish healthy boundaries. Try to step out of your situation and think about what advise you would give your best friend if she were in the same situation. It's so easy to look at other peoples situations and tell them what you think they should do. But when it comes to ourselves we get so emotionally involved that logic goes out the door and we allow people to crap all over us. We wouldn't stand by and watch that happend to our friends yet we do it to ourselves. I can't tell you where this guy is coming from or how long you should "wait" for him to come around...that is completely up to you. But my best advice would be to stop waiting, put you first and take care of yourself. God knows how long you could be waiting around for this guy...and the bottom line is, for what? There are many people in this world that will love and treat you the way you DESERVE to be treated. NEVER SETTLE...life is too short and you are too good for that!

deleted_user 08/25/2010

I think you should move on - and have a happy life.

lonelygal27 08/26/2010

been trying last one year, hope am able to this time.
we are talking (general stuff -been too much a part of each other's lives last 15 years although long distance mostly) - but do not about us.
coming here ange getting advice from all of you gives me strength and conviction.

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