Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
After 6 years of marriage, I am leaving my cheating husband. I have a 2 kids both toddlers. He claims all his affairs were "emotional" although some messages from text I found were all sexual. He would get on Craigslist and find girls to flirt with and ask them to meet with him in his favorite lingerie. He even went as far as creating a personal email account to email a co-worker. I believe he has finally stopped with his affairs and we are one year (possibly) affair free. However, I am still emotionally dead to him. I feel robotic with no love or emotions. Once in a while, something will make me smile or laugh and he would happen to be there around me but it's never meant for him.
As a SAHM for 5 years, I am starting back into the work force--applying for jobs left and right. I've worked all my life, except once I had kids, I became the homemaker and have never been a working mom.
Any advice on how to approach this transition with a soon to be 3 & 5 year old? Do I bring this separation/divorce up or let them ask the questions first?
I will be having to move closer to my mom about 45 min to an hour away so she can help with my girls. What are some tips you recommend for freshly separated people on their way to divorce? How do you present divorce papers?
He has some mental issues as well (PTSD & severe manic depression with psychos) and I think I will be having to ask the court for supervised visits until he can prove he is mentally capable of taking care of himself and the girls. He is doing okay now because he is convinced I am staying although I have told him I am not staying, but he is convinced he can change my mind. I am afraid he will decline mentally once I leave and not take his medicine.
As a SAHM for 5 years, I am starting back into the work force--applying for jobs left and right. I've worked all my life, except once I had kids, I became the homemaker and have never been a working mom.
Any advice on how to approach this transition with a soon to be 3 & 5 year old? Do I bring this separation/divorce up or let them ask the questions first?
I will be having to move closer to my mom about 45 min to an hour away so she can help with my girls. What are some tips you recommend for freshly separated people on their way to divorce? How do you present divorce papers?
He has some mental issues as well (PTSD & severe manic depression with psychos) and I think I will be having to ask the court for supervised visits until he can prove he is mentally capable of taking care of himself and the girls. He is doing okay now because he is convinced I am staying although I have told him I am not staying, but he is convinced he can change my mind. I am afraid he will decline mentally once I leave and not take his medicine.
My tips are put as much as you can in writing. Anything you discuss & agree on verbally, follow it up by putting it in a letter/email. Also, if he's not mentally stable I would suggest proceeding with caution. Tell a friend or family member whenever you are planning to deliver bad news or meeting with him privately. Talk to an attorney before doing anything if you can. If you can't afford one, there are usually pro-Bono options through the state. Services can usually be found through the state websites.
You can hire (some courts require) a process server to deliver the divorce papers for you. Which might be a good idea if you feel like he could react violently.
Once you are gone, try not to feel responsible for his deterioration. Keep in mind, he's a grown man capable of taking his medicine. If he chooses not to, that is not your responsibility. If he wanted you to take care of him as a loving wife forever, he shouldn't have cheated (emotionally or otherwise)!
When we told my son, we made it very clear that I was leaving due to "adult issues" and it was not his fault. I brought hi with me to look at apartments and I rented the one he liked best, that is also on his bus route so it is easy when I have him on Tuesday nights. I gave him a key (he is 11) and let him know that now he has two homes, as opposed to his house and my apartment.
Fortunately, I did not face any of the safety and stability issues you are facing. I would talk to the court where you file about how to best protect them. They may appoint a child advocate (I forgot the fancy legal name) to represent the rights/best interests of your children. That would be best as it would depersonalize any ruling (it didn't come from you - the court says these are the rules).
Hugs and best of luck.
I really like the idea of making sure my girls feel they have a voice and the apt choosing is a great way of making them feel special and heard. I'll keep that one in mind.
I'll say this again, once a spouse cheats DO NOT THING THEY WON'T DO IT AGAIN! Once a cheater, always a cheater period. Once you serve him, he will have 30 days to respond, and if he doesn't then a Judge will just go with what you are asking for.
There are website and forums that can help with divorce papers. I self represented myself as the applicant, and although it was overwhelming at times i.e. having to make 3 copies of everything (1 for me, 1 for the court and 1 to serve on the ex), I managed to get it done considering I was parenting and holding down a demanding professional career.
Pro-bono for divorce? Yeah right, a lawyer will need a retainer from you of a couple of thousands. If you go to the family court, there is usually duty counsel (a lawyer) there daily that will give you advice for between 30-45mins).
Don't sit around and expect things to happen, get off your backside and get moving on the matter pronto.