Lanie I am so sorry for the pain you have over this. I know just what you are talking about. There were friends that I thought would never abandon Larry and yet they dont come over or call.

He would love to be taken for coffee or just over to their shops to hang out. I guess they dont know how to handle his changes. He was like you such a go getter, always so busy. People marveled at what he could do at 65.

I have a couple of friends who have stayed close since day one (I think women are better at that) but so many have fallen away, they dont understand what is going on.

Lanie- you are such a bright and articulate person. Hang on, I know it will get better.

you are amazing and I stand in awe of all youhave came through and how far you have come. your posts encourage me to stick with my son and not give up. thank you and love to you dear.
Wade has no friends anymore right now but seems so hppyltely. Our family hasnow moved very close togetheer and concerned for one another, the 4 of us together.

keep hanging in there I know there are people who will want to friend you.

you are amazing and I stand in awe of all youhave came through and how far you have come. your posts encourage me to stick with my son and not give up. thank you and love to you dear.
Wade has no friends anymore right now but seems so hppyltely. Our family hasnow moved very close togetheer and concerned for one another, the 4 of us together.

keep hanging in there I know there are people who will want to friend you.

I call it a time of sifting. It soon shows who your real friends are. I lost most between my tbi and hubbys ptsd, then we moved, surgoen had a bad day and left me disabled in knee, so cant walk far, dont drive anymore, but have a disability scooter i can still get about on and enjoy that. Can stop and look at life from the footpaths, couldnt when driving, and so many more are using them. But it does make it difficult to make new friends and go to groups your interested in because I just feel out of it, or it is held up stairs which I can no longer manage. family does become important, and you value the friends you have so much more. Maybe we can look at it as a gain rather than a loss, and know the real value on life.

I've lost them all my old friends back in Ireland and my newer friends but when I think about it I can understand why they get bored of me. My major issue is I talk too much and I try not too. Actually over the last couple of years I have stood back in many ways which means I don't really get to know new people so well. I'm holding back as I know if I am myself people just don't like it. Its not a good feeling. I really thought people could have more empathy. Even if I do talk too much at times I am still always there for everyone else and if i hear of a problem that anyone has I do what I can and will always be there to listen to anything anyone has to talk about. unfortunately it doesn't go back the other way. Such is life. You know one friend told me that I should look for more tbi friends. And I have met some on here but I refuse to give up all hope in people. I hope in time I will meet some better people out there

Thanks everyone for the replies.

Lanie,

I haven't figured that one out yet; I wish I could. It wouldn't be so hard or sad if I didn't remember who I was before the tbi.

I've lost many friends, and have changed for the better and some would say for the worse. I'm still working on it though, I won't give up. Don't give up either, friends? kim

So true Blondebrat. If only I didn't remember who I was before!!

Lanie- I lost almost everyone. Now, my family would tell you different. They would say I lost them. But, that's not true. During my time of recouperation, they lost faith, they moved on. I don't blame them for that. Life goes on. Now I am back, yet I am alone. I was changed by this trauma. It has molded me into someone new.

I have found that it is more their loss than mine. I have found new friendships, possibly in places where that friendship is at a distance. But these new friendships are stronger than any I ever had before. They are real, they are true.

I don't think you need to figure anything out Lanie. I would say it's more that you found the truth.

Your a strong woman Lanie! This journey is long, hang in there!!

Looking back at the friendships and family that I lost I now say good riddance...they could not have been true if these people just discarded me so easily in my time of need. So in a sense a tragedy like this causes us to "clean house" and find out who is true and who is superficial. I would rather be alone then be with people who are not really the friends, family, and supporters they once claimed they were.

I am a changed woman...a better woman...a stronger woman. One who will not be fooled again by false relationships. I no longer grieve for the old me or for my old life. I celebrate the Rae of today.

It looks like you have lots of support and friends here...awesome! These relationships with people who understand can be so important. For example, our friend Dove's Wings...she is an amazing woman who really helped me get through my initial trauma. I love her and we will be friends forever.

I am sorry that you are being treated like this by people who are in your life...I guess my message is to say I believe you will one day be stronger and better for all the pain. Hang in there girl.

xxx

I am sorry for every brain injury survivor who experiences this pain -- and inevitably, they will experience it. My 20-year-old son is now 4 years post-tbi, and none of his friends stuck around. While they disappeared one by one, I was so incredibly angry. Now - at this very moment - however, I have a different perspective. I acknowledge now that because he is a different person, his previous friend group no longer "fits" him. We are a middle-class white family who lives in a very small suburban town. I guess you could call us yuppies. :) My son changed from a preppy college-bound kid to a gangsta wannabe who will never go to college, doesn't work, and receives disability benefits. He perseverates on things his former friends wouldn't give a second thought to.

My son has found a new group of friends who fit the new him. He feels most comfortable around others who have/are facing problems: poor people, recovering alcoholics, undereducated, etc. Here's what I'm learning: the people his old friends (and I must admit I am in this category as well) would call "white trash" is the group in which my son now identifies and feels comfortable.

This is his new normal, and I -- his mother -- am just beginning to accept it and realize that it's okay, because he's *happy* with them. They are not delinquents (he passed through that phase about 2 years ago, thankfully). They are just people with problems trying to get by in this world where many people think the problems are their fault. His old friend group, and most of his family, will never accept this as normal. My son is stuck with the family he's got, but the old friends are gone, for why would they stick around? He is, 100%, a different person, with different interests, different likes and dislikes, a different sense of humor, even different language patterns now. He no longer has anything in common with his old friend group.

Now I spend my time trying to accept and find common ground with my son's new friends, rather than trying to get my son to fit back into the mold of who he was before.

Fortunately my son has no insight into his injuries, Lanie, so he has never had to grieve for his old identity. It's got to be a much more gut-wrenching experience to see your friends drift away when you see the differences in your own self. My advice is to let them go, no matter how difficult that will be. Try to find people who value and appreciate you as you are today. They do exist. Think outside of the box, and embrace YOUR new normal. You have much to offer the world!

As for "how can you figure out how to manage things when your brain isn't working right?" -- do you have someone you trust who can help you set up to-do lists, etc.? Someone who isn't a go-getter, career woman, high energy type. Someone who understands your current goals and ambitions. If you do not have someone, then pay someone to do it. Advertise on Craigslist, or find a therapist.

You are not whining or making excuses or lazy. You need structure, and someone to help you with that structure. And you need a hug, which I'm sending your way.

That was a very nice reply, Haymom. You must be a pretty open-minded person to be able to process all the changes in your son.

That was a very nice reply, Haymom. You must be a pretty open-minded person to be able to process all the changes in your son.

That was a very nice reply, Haymom. You must be a pretty open-minded person to be able to process all the changes in your son.

That was a very nice reply, Haymom. You must be a pretty open-minded person to be able to process all the changes in your son.

That was a very nice reply, Haymom. You must be a pretty open-minded person to be able to process all the changes in your son.