Hi StarThaxton. You went through more than most people could handle. And you still are. What you are feeling, it doesn't make you weak and hopeless, it shows your courage and persistence. I hear you. But that doesn't make it feel any better, I know! It really feels horrible, in a way that only other survivors understand and no matter how much our family and caregivers love us, might never understand. But they care, and they try, and so do we, so there is a connection there—keep that connection, it has more power than we think.

And connect here. Reach out. We are in this together. This bizarre unbelievable situation, and, we are trying to get out of it. And we will and you are part of it and your life will be better then you think it will be.

If you need to lay in bed and cry... then do it. There are not a lot of ways to do this wrong. You reached out here, and you cried and you got mad... there are thousands of us doing that. We are all in this together. Thank you for sharing and reaching out—you are inspiring and a great role model for us.

Thank you for being you!

Hi Star,

I am new around here but wanted to tell you to keep your head up and hang in there. I am two+ years out from my tbi and I am still improving all the time. get lots of rest, and never give up.

hugs and blessings : )

Wow, you sound a lot like me. Basically I had the same injuries and similar recovery.
Mine was 11 years ago. I was told by someone I trusted that the recovery will take up to 7 years. Now at 11 years, all never came back to normal but many did come back.
My advice is just keep trying. Much will come back but some things are lost forever. You will also discover you have "new" talents that you did not know.
Just keep trying!!!

HI Star, tonight 4/24/19, I finally decided to reach out and look for a support group, and in the results I saw your response, and read what you posted, so I joined, I am going on 19 years of my new life, accident/birthday 9/18/2000, similar injuries except I didn't suffer in my back, I had a bleeding arterie and bloodclot on my right frontal lobe, they said I was seconds away before considering me brain dead, due to swelling of the brain. Family says that the neighboring family had came over and placed a prayer cloth on my head, at a point in time to have them say that. I have three kids, I also cold not remember the day of the accident nor before, my short term memory is bad, long term comes and goes. I was also in a coma for at least two weeks, facial reconstruction, eye socket replacement, partially deaf in left ear, sinus reconstruction. Collapsed lung, and my r arm fully reconstructed. And 18 years later, not knowing why I had clear drainage leaking from my nose, causing headaches. Dizziness and fatigue, I finally found an Ear nose and throat dr. That discover I had a CFS Leak, that came from the base of skull. Still having same issues, but was told by another doc. And neurosurgeon that it was due to sinus cavities being full, deviated septum, and polyps, as they traced a fluid to see if I had leaks while I was under getting the other issues fixed. I had to cut my therapy short, as I can get back to work to provide for my family, wife was 6 months pregnant during this time, I was back to work in three months, I worked in a prison, had to relearn my job. But as time went on I was remembering, my support system was my brothers in blue, they treated me normal. Wife was a bit cold/harsh as she still is to this day, I have no moral or emotional support, I was let go from the prison in 2012, due to being honest, long story short I tried holding higher ups accountable and it back fired, but I walked away with a small settlement and my diginity. Not knowing what real world is like, after 13 years, I have found it hard to deal or acceptance, I pride myself off of doing a good job, to help keep me going, on not giving up, or am I looking for positive encouragement, I don't know.. I have had two jobs now, since the prison, and I am now dealing with an issue similar to what I been through. It's going to be a ruff road, and I too find myself to this day laying in bed crying, I had to force myself to be interactive for my kids played sports, as I was the one who supported them the most, as time goes on you will remember your old self, and wanting that back will probably not go away unless you are doing things like that as well as being around positive people that you know that don't treat you different, anD you can trust. Find a routine, be around positivity. I have found that this has helped me, but it's hard when I live with a wife that is negative, always complaining, picking at you. and has the kids outlook on you, as what she has, because that's all they heard growing up, I don't have a close relationship or have an emotional connection such as a hug here and there from my daughter, but she can hug her mom and lay her head on her lap, stuff I wish my daughter shows to me but dont. Keep your head up, fight, and don't succumb to your self talk. It is hard and I struggle everyday.

Shane Conner