You asked an honest question and I will give you an answer from my perspective, Elanie. Since Larry's TBI I have thought of overdosing both of us but the thought of my kids and grandkids stops me.
My mother committed suicide when I was 19 and I have lived under that shadow all my life.
I remember something I read once.
"Suicide doesnt end pain, it only leaves it on the broken hearts of those left behind"
I hope anyone considering it will take this to heart.

When my hubby was very bad with his ptsd, and I mean bad. And it had gone on for a long time. I have absolutley no memory of before, home alone, and snapped out of what ever to find I was in our bathroom, hand cupped and overflowing with pills and looking for more.Scared the heck out of me, tipped them down the sink and ran tap, had a cold drink, and rang our Dr. He asked how many had I had. None, and I am ok, just didnt know if I had to let you know or not. Can you drive? Still was back then, and yes, will I make an appt? No, you come now, I am not seeing anyone till you get here. Only about a five min drive. He asked me why I hadnt taken them after checking me out, as knew the home situation well, part of hubbys team. Because I am a christian, didnt know what I was even doing, still dont now, and it isnt the answer. He looked me straight in the eye for a sec, and said ok, know you want do that again, you can go. Often wonder what other choice did he have that he said I could go. Sure that was my turning point in dealing with hubys ptsd.
So yes, can understand it can get to that point in some situations, but not the answer. I could never murder anyone else, so why myself?

It crosses my mind when I'm having a bad day but I know I wouldn't not yet anyway. So much crap has happened the accident and how people reacted after to it and me but I am determined that life will get better one day. It has too. I hope one day I meet someone who will treat me with love and respect. Things have to get better. they can't go on like this forever

I had a bad head space yesterday, and it reminded me of the early days when every day was like that. Reading this alarms me, because we lost someone to suicide this year in my other support group. I can only speak from my own experience regarding what steps I took that really improved my mental well being. In my case the electricity firinh offf in my nervous system was off the charts, my brain couldnt make enough of those transmitters, I wasnt getting quality sleep and two neuro visual disorders were only turning up the volume more in my head. I felt crazy. Everything was doom and gloom, I had constant chatter in my head and I was sleep deprived. I considered suicide once to the extent of having a hand full of pills. That seems like an eternity ago. The key for me was to get therapeutic lenses to soften the effect of the visuL world on me, eliminate all exposure to flourescent and cfl bulbs, 5HTP to balance brain chemistry, B complex to restore nervous system, plenty of peace and quiet, and making a point to sleep as much as possible. I also see a chiro regularly to help relieve additional stress on my nervous system, but only one who uses the logan method which does not include snap adjuatments, rather realignment by gentle firm pressure. Finally I eliminated white sugar, white flour and added lots of antioxidants to my diet. After two years of being in such a bad place, everything improved rapidly when I made these changes. When the volume is turned way up in our nervous system the mind suffers. Turn down the volume and the mind clears. Today my worse days look like whT my best days used to be, and I have the presence of mind to know it is neurology. I can also always tie it to what caused the set back, and thus get back on track within a day or two. Please do not give up. Look at your nercous system as having been severely bruised, thus very tender to stimuli. If you use a computer a lot, look intp a LED monitor, no flourescent back light. Start each morning with soft natural light, calm alone time, some soft meditative music. Eat breakfast of lean protein and berries/smoothy. Stay off the computer and cell phone for the first two hours and see if it makes a difference. Finally, find someone compassionate to talk to. I will end by sayin my 5HTP is essential for me. If I stop taking it I start to get a bit nuts again, particularly with anxiety and feeling overwhelmed. I also find watching emotionally releasing movies or reading a good book helps me. Emotions tend to get trapped in my over excited nervous system, like a bug in a spiders web, and crying during a tear jerker helps to release my own emotions.

I want to also sress the importance for me about the therapeutic lenses. If you have anxiety, difficulty reading, get headaches, have sensitivity to light or find strong contrasts or busy prints bothersome, hie yourself to a optometrist who screens for scotopic sensitivity in people with BI. My therepeutic lenses are a must must must. Other patients I have met say the same thing. They soften the effect of tje visual world for me and allow me to read research, use a computer. Without them my nervous system is over stimulated to the nth degree by the visual world, and it shuts me down and puts me in a very bad head space. Please, if you have not had a visual screening, look up scotopic sensitivity and see if you recognize the symptoms. For me I have to have my lenses and my 5HTP. Without them, I am back to that place where I have a hand full of pills.

I actually spoke with my Dad earlier who I know is having a hard time with his business, he was saying how tough times are and I said you should try my life he said thats life and we just have to dig deep and go on. I know he is so proud of me and that what keeps him going. He told me once when things get tough he just thinks about me and how tough I have it and it gives him the push to keep going. I could never do anything as it would destroy my family and even though I have almost lost everything I have my family who are great and i couldn't do it to them.

Sucide is a ursurper,she is so inviting, and a deciever.

In my life I have lived ithdepression and didnt know itcould be different. I had carefully saved a nice mixture of pills for several years, as my mother had lots in her cupboard which she kept incase they were needed and a few of my own,my husband had no clue.

After I had our first child I reallyconcidered them but nomatter how bad I felt I made a choice that day not to and got rid of every pill. now I hate to take meds and do so reluctantly.

I have been doing well until February when my oldest son hadd his
TBI I have hadso much more as well piled up but no I will not do that.

\My son at first asked why we didnt just let him die but now he sees that he is so much improved. We all are depressed at times, but there is help if we ask loud and long.

This was very good, positive reading and I applaud all of you for your strength. You all are inspirational.

Interesting topic. First I've replied to in quite a while. Double-spacing it to keep it readable:

Since I don't have a wife or kids depending on me, it was feeling more viable to die earlier on- when the pain was a lot worse.

I didn't want to kill myself. As a Christian, it is a no-no. Instead, I was telling God I was very ready to go if it was my time.

If anyone on the forum is considering it, I'd say hold out. Could be that you may feel better as time goes on.

Or not- Unfortuntely, there no guarantees in life. Jesus' saving power has been the only sure thing for me.

Well said Jeffrey. We are also a Christian family and without our faith I honestly don't know where we would be.

If anyone here is considering suicide, I beg you to find someone to talk to and to get help. If you feel your life doesn't have value, ask those around you what you bring to them. The answers may just surprise you.

Thank you to the couple of people that reached out to me and realized what was going on.

I think only anyone who has been through the same physical pain that I am dealing with understands. When that blood vessel swells in my head and my head screams in pain from the pressure on my skull, I just want to die. It is VERY VERY VERY VERY hard to live with such agonizing pain.

All rational thinking goes out the window when I have those episodes. There is no ability for my brain to think logically when I am immobilized from the pain.

Ihave a friendwho ilves with that kind of pain, she hs rhumatiod arthritis and Lupus. she goes to have spinal blocks and lives on Prednisone at times. her arthritis is in ternal, afflicting her braintoo. She prays for God o shorten her life that she may be pain free in his prresence.

Her faith is all that keeps her going.

Iam so sorry that this is what you deal with in your life, and wish I could bear it for a while to giveyou areleif from it dear.

hold on who know what these sientists may come upwith

Before my headaches I had chronic pain in my back. I thought that was the worse pain. Now for the last 11 months this daily all day pain in my head is driving crazy. After the 3rd month I told my dad if this gets to 6 months I dont know what I am going to do. He started crying, because he was worried about suicide. I told him I would never do that. Then I was talking to my mom when 6 months got here. I said, mom if 12 months gets here I dont know what I am going to do and she started crying as she to was worried about me killing myself, because my nuerologist mentioned how people with cluster headaches commit suicide. I looked at him like, they get them for 15-20 minutes I have them all day every day, please do something! I told my mom never, ever! I have lost 2 friends to suicide. The pain makes you think the only way to get rid of this is to end your life, but that is not an option for me. I will go to a mental facility and get drugged up before I would do that. So, I pray that if anyone is thinking of that that you would do the same. If its the headache pain, get an ice pack and put it on your head. That is one other thing that helps me. I have 4 ice packs and I rotate throughout the day. We are not alone and we need eachother to get through this. God Bless all of you!

Honestly, not a day goes by where the thought of not being here doesn't cross my mind. But the thought of actually ending my life stops. Sometimes I think about it for a while, sometimes I don't. What makes me rethink it is that my doctors all say I'm going to get better. I'm 26 and hopefully I won't be like this forever. I figure I'm here for a reason, so I'm doing the best I can.

Alyssa, stay strong! I know its tough at times. I break down and think, why did this happen to me? I always say things happen for a reason and so, I have to just wait and see what the reason is. I sure wish it would hurry up and show me. lol I just keep thinking it cant get worse, but in my case it has. lol Now I know its going to get better. :)