Brain Injury Support Group
Traumatic brain injury occurs when a sudden trauma causes brain damage. TBI can result from a closed head injury or a penetrating head injury. Symptoms of a TBI can be mild, moderate, or severe, depending on the extent of the damage to the brain. Outcome can be anything from complete recovery to permanent disability or death. A coma can also affect a child's brain.
I have re-read some of my own post. And it may sound as if I am pompous or think I have it all together. But let me tell ya, I don't. After the Amry hospitals got me back on my feet and stopped my grand-mal seizures; they decided that I was healed. Nothing else to do. Nothing else to treat.
When I did go back, they told my Mom that I was just 'a bad kid'. They didn't treat me for my complex partial seizures.(The hardest kind to detect) Along with these seizures comes paranoia, severe depression and auidtory and visual hullucinations. Yeah try dealing with all that when you have just reached puberty.
I had no impulse control. I had only instincts and isnstant gradification issues. The only time I felt good was to get what I wanted when I wanted it. And hmmm. I went crazy. Sex was good. Sex made men like me. Sex was an addiction. I know how that sounds okay?! So many docotrs had poked and prodded my private areas that I became really good at putting my mind somewhere else while the 'sex thing' was happening. I had already had my hymen cut. So what was the bid deal?
But then I would feel shame afterwards. It was a vicious cycle. I become so trapped in my own world of misery that I forgot to live my life. My dad was Army so he was overseas a lot. My poot mom couldn't get help for me anywhere and had no idea how to handle me. Now remember, this was back in the late 70's early 80's. I didn't find a way to get help until 1990. But as the fog lifted from my frazzled brain, I began to examine my behavior. And I can't help it sometimes I still feel shame at what I had become. I was so promiscuous that when I was sexually assulted I never reported it. You know you always hear how they use a woman's behavior against her. Who was gonna believe me?
Has anyone else experienced this loss of control and then shame? In any form?
When I did go back, they told my Mom that I was just 'a bad kid'. They didn't treat me for my complex partial seizures.(The hardest kind to detect) Along with these seizures comes paranoia, severe depression and auidtory and visual hullucinations. Yeah try dealing with all that when you have just reached puberty.
I had no impulse control. I had only instincts and isnstant gradification issues. The only time I felt good was to get what I wanted when I wanted it. And hmmm. I went crazy. Sex was good. Sex made men like me. Sex was an addiction. I know how that sounds okay?! So many docotrs had poked and prodded my private areas that I became really good at putting my mind somewhere else while the 'sex thing' was happening. I had already had my hymen cut. So what was the bid deal?
But then I would feel shame afterwards. It was a vicious cycle. I become so trapped in my own world of misery that I forgot to live my life. My dad was Army so he was overseas a lot. My poot mom couldn't get help for me anywhere and had no idea how to handle me. Now remember, this was back in the late 70's early 80's. I didn't find a way to get help until 1990. But as the fog lifted from my frazzled brain, I began to examine my behavior. And I can't help it sometimes I still feel shame at what I had become. I was so promiscuous that when I was sexually assulted I never reported it. You know you always hear how they use a woman's behavior against her. Who was gonna believe me?
Has anyone else experienced this loss of control and then shame? In any form?
I hope this doesn't sound preachy, it wasn't my intent, but I have felt deep regrets on some levels and I finally just had to let go and work toward a new path. ~Williow
Jenny
If you are still feeling shame you might try a counselor...they are really good and explaining our own feelings to us and they may have a suggestion or two that will help you put your past to rest so that you are ready to move on and let it go.
You should talk about the assult with someone who has the knowledge to help you. Even though it was in your past things from our past not dealt with tend to pop back up sooner or later.
I've done or said some things in my life that I am not real proud of, but each time I feel bad about something I've done I try to correct it. If I can't change it I can learn from it at least. It helps me to never do it again or to see what lead to that choice in the first place. I can be prepared if it happens again how to respond with better choices.
We all make mistakes or bad choices. It's what you do when you realize a mistake that matters.
Hope this helps you feel a little better!
Dis-inhibition and impulse control are part of TBI depending on what part of your brain got scrambled.
You are not alone in some aspects. I wish you nothing but the best. Hope this helps you a bit.
Tom B. aka Ihman
Tom B. aka Ihman
Don't be ashamed - we're all human and we do the best we can with what we have at the time. I had my own issues with behavior that I now feel very foolish about - but it is now in the past. If we drag that baggage with us it just weighs us down and keeps us from seeing the happier side of life.
Take care.