Yes I feel like its always there. I am always conscious of the fact that I once had a brain injury. I don't suffer pain and even though I can get on with things ok for the most I find I worry if I've forgotten something or if I have got confused and done something wrong. I feel like I need to learn to trust myself more but I'm afraid too. I'm still not working and receiving disability benefits and that is one way to constantly remind yourself that you have been sick. I don't know if I will ever get to a stage in my life when I can totally forget it, it this is who I am now and I'm always going to have to double check things etc but it's certainly less of an issue than it was not so long ago

Yes, I certainly do. It is omnipresent.................constantly. At the forefront,rearend. I am totally with you. Last year I was so much worse off physically. I was walking with a cane and my left arm hung out of socket for 6 months while I winced in pain beyond what I can bear to think about fully even now. But, now I walk without aid and can move my left arm . Yet it is a constant on my conscious. I'm happy now though; perhaps the ha[ppiest ever in so ways. Free-er too to be my complete self without shame, embarrassment,fear,doubt, and I almost dont care what people think. I still have paralysis and limp quite a bit, but I hear you................Its always there esp the TBI

24x7. Our injury is always with us, its part of us. Even though we may wish it wasnt. We have to find ways to deal with our issues the best we can. My first tbi I just worked out was in the 1980's, thought it was a bit latter. Still with me as damage was permanent I asked the Dr because of memory blanks how will they tell if I start to get dementia as I age more? That question totally threw him. He said no idea in early stages if it starts. Later if I start walking down the street undressed he would think again. Comforting thought..

It's always there, I maintain, compensate, keeping the stuff i'm doing in my memory is sometimes like spinning plates, have to keep running from one memory to another or it falls off and goes somewhere else. Somehow though i've managed to progress quite a bit, so i'm quite happy with who i am now after what 6 years of recovery, but i do get frustrated sometimes, it's still a work in process. It's amazing to read your descriptions, they feel like they fit as well. Omnipresent, 24/7, I have some shoulder, head and neck pain left, but the tbi effects are the most challenging.

It's hard to explain this without sounding like PollyAnna. ( the character who saw good in everything) . However, compared to life before my first tbi, if there's a ghost that surrounds me, it's more like Casper the friendly ghost.

From the time I was 9 , I lived with seizures. I had a specter around me at all times . A specter is a ghost with terrifying aspects. I rarely had grand mal seizures. but instead has seizures that felt so bad that I was sure I was going to die , and at the height of the sz, would go up to the nearest person and say "I'm afraid I'm dying; please hold my hand". ( I said this at the height of the sz, really not aware I was doing it until I came around and saw myself holding the hand of someone with a very puzzled face). The szs came from the temporal lobe; the home of emotions. That's why I felt so scared and asked perfect strangers to hold my hand.

I would have 20 to 30 of these seizures a day , usually 5 days a month. However, my parents' attitude was "This is epilepsy and you're going to learn to live a normal life despite them". So I went to college ( graduated with high honors ) , did the cheerleading bit in high school, etc. All the "normal" things while holding hands with other people! The specter was that I never knew when a seizure would come, so I was always on my guard. There were times that I knew I'd have a bad day, and would warn my friends. But usually they hit in the middle of a class ( I'd have to leave) or whenever they wanted to. I never could relax because of the threat of a seizure.

So fast forward to 3 years after college. My college neuro had isolated where the seizures came from, and encouraged me to have surgery. During college I said I didn't have time. He said "you'll be back for the surgery at some point. "I had it , and it was successful. The specter went away.

I've had 2 other tbis since surgery , and they have changed "who" I am each time. However I'm comfortable in my skin, and if I have to have things repeated or whatever, I'm at ease to simply say "I have a head injury and don't always get things the first time. Could you explain again?' ( that happened yesterday when I met with social services to talk about government services , and the difference between national and local services ) I always get "I'd never know" , but people are willing to help. I'm aware of my limits and stay within them, but don't feel as though things hover over me. Perhaps it's just that I've had more years to get used to cognitive deficits, etc. However I think it's more my parents' attitude "you have brain injuries, but you're going to live your life despite them."
All I know is that life is good , despite having no memory, total face blindness ( try going to a Thanksgiving meal with 30 people you don't remember ! ) and other cognitive problems. I truly think I have my parents and their philosophy to thank for this.

Wow Holly! This must be something that is very close to you, your ghost is ever present. I love you outlook on life!

I do believe it is that will to overcome, and the fact that your parent expected no less than "normal"... well that was probable the best possibly gift you could have been given.

Yeah Elanie, my ghost is ever present with me 7 years out. You know my PTSD flares up all the time. :(

We need to find us a ghost buster!

SSE- you mentioned we need a ghost-buster. I forgot to mention a quote I found. I'ts from Hamlet, and says:
"We must learn to live with ghosts"

( Hmm, sounds like my parents )

Hamlet or parents, they're exactly right, and it seems a lot of us are learning to live with ghosts. We have no choice, we might as well do it well.

Peace to all!

The presence of my brain injury makes me feel like I'm permanently stuck. Almost every person who is around me knows about my brain injury, and if they don't, someone will tell them. I think people judge me for it too. Today, I mentioned to my boss that I forgot about a table I was waitressing last night, so I sat one in the front room of the restaurant. I meant forgetting as in the way every normal human being has a slip-of-the-mind, you know? But because I worked at the restaurant when I was in the car wreck, he gave me an annoyed look and said, "By forgetting, what do you mean?", as if he thought I was trying to blame something on a memory problem that I should have gotten over a long time ago. Plus, my family treats me like their pet dog that can't do anything for herself. I wish know one knew, but because the brain injury follows me everywhere, I'm stuck.

My cognitive symptoms never got better (and stayed better). In fact, they got worse and I'm haunted by them everyday. I'm still suffering from Post-Concussion Syndrome in the worst possible way. My brain can't handle any type of stimulation. Whether it be watching TV, listening to music, playing video games and even small games on my Android phone.

I'm a year and a half post-TBI and I suffer everyday. My limits keep me from putting the injury behind me and moving on with my life.

I live life like a hermit...or else I suffer a huge "setback" that will sometimes last for months. I'm in the middle of one right now that has lasted for over 2 weeks now. No TV, no video games, no music...no fun.

With that being said...Hi ElanieLanie.

I just want to say that I'm with you. My brain injury is always in the way, due to my constant limitations, and I won't be able to put it behind me until my symptoms lighten up and stabilize. At the rate I'm going, who knows when that'll be.

Feel better, Lanie.

I really enjoy when I have moments where I forgot about my injuries. It's just moments - and it didn't start until probably over 2 years post-TBI.

But, those moments are so lovely. I want more of them!

:)

In response to OP and question, I do feel like my symptoms are often present. I'm often awkward in talking about it to others as I didn't have the "traditional" type of injury but the damage occurred through years of surgery around the brain. The result was severe short term memory loss that was first noticed by me about 13, 14 years ago.

It's something that's right there with me everywhere I go now. Some days are better than others.