I was a dancer pre-TBI. Now it is difficult because of certain parts of my injury. The pain. I physically can dance but I pay a terrible price when I do.

Anyway, that's me.

My husband learned to dance so he could meet a woman...and tada - he found me and married me. LOL

So I do appreciate that you would like to dance for the social interaction, but it's not the only hobby where you could meet women. And not all women like to dance.

I'm thinking there's lots of volunteer gigs where you'd be able to interact with women without having to dance. I.e. Volunteer at a food pantry, tutoring kids, lots of different things out there.

I used to. Now balance, pain and the movement would not be a good idea at all. Besides, one of the things I have forgotten how to.
It is a challenge finding a group interest we can enjoy. If you get a local paper, some advertize what is available in your area. Could you do volunteer work at an animal refuge or such, they often ask for help here. In different ways.

I was a musician pre-ABI. My weakest area was rhythm (reading it), but I could move in time. Now I noticed I have a lot of trouble "keeping in time"/feeling the internal rhythm of the music and staying consistent. I'm assuming this is temporal lobe disruption. Or physically, a slower reaction time from hearing beats to processing them and moving. (Due to the brain firing slower.)

There are legends that exist detailing my horrible dancing abilities prior to ABI, so I don't think my dancing will have changed all that much!

I was a dancer pre-accident; not being able to do what I used to is honestly the saddest thing for me.
I've been practicing since the injury (about 4 months out now) and a lot of what has helped me is dancing to songs I know so that you can have a premeditated plan to how you'll move at what count/part of the song and practice alone A LOT so until you work up to being able to do it in an acceptable speed.
I hung out with a bunch of my old dance girls and my Physical Therapists and doctors told me I probably wouldn't be able to so it would probably be very upsetting for me to go and advised against it. No, I couldn't do a triple or anything near what I used to but they were really supportive and we messed around with line dances (cotton eye joe, cupid shuffle, electric slide, the humpty, dougie, etc.) and at first it was seemingly pointless and impossible...eventually I was keeping up and now I'm back to breaking out randomly and leading the dances. Yeah, response is delayed but it can be worked around. It's just a matter of finding little tweeks and alternative methods. Dancing will most likely not be as easy and normal as it is for others without brain injuries but you can find ways to make it appear that way!
You should practice to really popular dance/slow songs so that if you're at an event and it comes on then you grab a girl and ask her to dance. Then you know you are capable of doing it and that will help with your confidence.

Hi Dram, I used to be an excellent dancer before TBI and I can do it barely now. But my brother never could...............Not even close. He is awkward as hell. I love him so, but it just isn't there. I don't know many men, and I have a lot of men friends, that can dance, But I do know a few that are really good. They really enjoy it though, and feel it inside. They aren't trying to overcome anything. So I don't think this is a TBI thing. Just my opinion.

I tend to agree Anita. It seems it has more to do with masculinity than the TBI. While gay men (feminine) can seem to easily feel the music, the more masculine a man is the more they tend to shy away from it, as much as their wives/gfs will allow. My attempts to dance (freestyle) have always been dramatically more 'awkward' that other men, so i do think that the TBI has affected it somewhat. Interestingly though, when i am in 'intimate contact' with a woman, i seem to 'feel' the music vicariously through them. So 'dirty dancing' is something i can do fairly well, but sadly, it's quite inappropriate to do so with a 'new' acquaintance (at least one that i would want to know). ;)

Sounds like you need to hit some clubs then ;)
Seriously though, you are both on to something. Men in general seem to lack the confidence and rhythm needed to dance (well at least).
If it is your brain it's probably from having a man's brain, a lot of guys don't dance...those that do are often drug on the floor by their significant other and otherwise wouldn't be dancing.

As for you mentioning siblings I don't know if that is a good way to decide if it's from a TBI because I have two brothers; one can dance well and the other is extremely awkward and avoids it like the plague and apparently (as Anita shared) other people's siblings are the same.

I do think TBI makes it more challenging--like most everything else--but not unachievable.

I highly doubt it has anything to do with any general lack of confidence in men, MichiMonster. I now realize that something in the way women are built simply makes them more able to feel the rhythm than men, which lends them to being attracted to the activity. Men simply don't 'feel' it the way women do....so aren't as attracted overall.

I don't mean an over-all lack of confidence, I mostly mean the way society generally develops people's personalities and interests. Young girls are encouraged--in very subtle ways--to take to dancing and elegent movements. i.e. Disney princess' dancing/swaying about, dance classes... When boys are more encouraged with the masculine and abrupt things. i.e. sports, vigorous activities...
When I said "confidence" I didn't mean over-all but pertaining specifically to dancing. Most people DO lack confidence in things new or unfamiliar to them and often times dancing isn't introduced as an interest to men until they hit a time in which they want to interact with women. If this is the case, then a man usually lacks the confidence needed to dance.

There were guys in my dance company and they were amazingly talented! Most of them started dancing when they were young though. I didn't mean the male gender had lower-self esteem I simply meant the majority of men have less exposure to dance/elegance and therefore lack confidence in it specifically; though any female who wasn't exposed to it would lack the confidence also.

Great points Michi. My friends all had tons of self esteem and none were less masculine or more masculine, or tied to any kind of pre-conceived human preducices, so I can safely say that shyness is not an issue either because a loit of very sexy and handsome friends of mine were very shy when it came to some things. My dad was extremely shy when he was young, but older, didn't care. He was athletic and a great dancer and a great artist. Dram, I fear your view of womens DNA origins will hurt your thinking about things. My opinion but I know it because you confided it in our online talk. I don't know if you remember the details

Not to be argumentative, but dance has existed since virtually the beginning of time and through many 'forms' of societal conditioning. To imagine that DNA doesn't play a significant role is simply denial of reality. If men were as predisposed to 'rhythm' as women, they would be just as 'into' it as women generally are and society would have structured 'play' to align with that reality. The underlying fact is that women ARE more emotionally driven than men (obvious to even the most casual observer), and most modern dance is highly emotionally derived. My original post was in reference to this emotional component. My TBI has interfered with my emotional processing. I find that 'feeling' the rhythm actually triggers my 'fog'.

Drambuie,

It sounds like you really want to dance, so why not take dance lessons?

I was a couples dancer for many years and can tell you that there's usually (not always, but usually) less men than women taking lessons. So men are usually popular - regardless of ability.

Just take a beginners class. Look up a ballroom studio in your area. They'll offer classes in a variety of styles - standard ballroom, latin, etc.

If you need any help finding classes, holler if you're in the US and I can help. Latin, Country, Swing, Ballroom - any of those I'm sure I can help you find a class.

Perhaps you might like to try salsa or merengue, since you mentioned you like the -ahem- sexy aspects to dancing.

Great idea Elaine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Good luck Drambuie..............