Think a lot of us get sort of overload with crowds and noise etc. i just want quiet and calm most of the time. Dont cope well with changes.

I'm years into tbi and still hate crowds . I can be with small groups for a while,, as long as we all are talking about the same subject. However I always come home feeling my head is "full" , and have to be in the quiet for a bit.
My husband says I have a "3 hour window" , then it looks like a shade is drawn over my eyes. When we're at friends' homes, he keeps an eye on me after 2 1/2 or 3 hours, and can tell by my face when it's time to leave.
So yes, I know what you're talking about. I'll be with a group of women tomorrow for 5 hours. Despite the fun we're going to have, I'll need to come home and have "quiet time" when it's over .

Relate! I am so vivid at tomes I think I'm healed. Not in a religeous sense, but medical sense. Then I'll re-do something simple an hour later and think boy, I still have TBI.................I used to call it brain damage, but TBI sounds better. When I'm asround more ythan two at a time, it has to be planned in advance. I am ok with thayt though. I never did like croeds but now forget it.I agree though it isnt a social matter, I get the fog flow and tune out. I have to right now. Maybe for the long haul but right now is right now..................

Yes, I am this way. I am really clear on a lot of things in my own space. I believe this comes from either being in a different environment, or around a crowd. My confidence slides away in those instances. Like I need some stability, someone to be there for me. This does seem to have improved greatly with time for me. I know your injury dram was a lot longer ago than mine. So I'm not sure, other than I know no injury is the same.

I do know that I avoid opportunities to go to concerts and such gatherings. I shut myself off from a lot of things now that I wouldn't have before my TBI.

It's like it is clutter to my brain to have so much commotion. It kinda shuts me down, or makes me feel like I have regressed. :(
I don't like to feel that way.

A fascinating thread. I had a long period of chronic pain as well as undiagnosed tbi, and between the two, for years, avoided more and more things. The pains a lot better but the habit of avoiding alone sometimes keeps me from going out the door to someplace. The crowds and chaos used to bother me a lot more, I can remember when i'd only go someplace with certain friends, and i'd stick to whatever friend i went out with... not wanting to be left alone in the crowd. Now, i go out to places to play music but otherwise, i do find thick crowds a bit overwhelming mentally. I can navigate it up pretty well if i need to, but the feeling is still there.

Good thread.

There are times I feel like, "Hey! This part of my injury is all better! Yay!" And then -wham- you find out it isn't. It's disappointing when that happens.

Crowds of people or a lot of noise is very difficult post-TBI. It has gotten way better for me as compared to the early stages. In that stage, I would end up on the floor (literally) from the pain from the noise. Now I can handle going to the mall or in places where there's a lot of people. I can hear what people are saying for the most part. Sometimes the noise will be too much, and I'll get confused, but it's nowhere near as bad as it was.

I think there's a balance with recovery - on the one hand - you don't want to be in pain and/or confused. But on the other hand you want to keep trying stuff so that you can make your brain get used to it, little by little.

I think the best thing is to go about it in measured ways. For a small amount of time and with a small group of people.

Yes, it still happens to me as well. Sounds like it's pretty normal for us.

I too continue to dwell in the crowds navigating them okay but the feeling of Uh...is certainly there.

I'm trying to learn football because my son is playing. I have a hard time comprehending what I'm seeing with what I'm hearing from the crowd. Throw in a few different conversations and....I wanna go home.

I've never been real big on crowds to begin with but, I know how important this is to our son. I don't know that I've shut myself off to people or the world but...I prefer a smaller world for sure!

Thanks for your thoughts everyone. I have lived with this, undiagnosed, for pretty much my entire life. Suffice to say, growing up, going to school and social development were all quite stunted. At the same time, after spending many tens of thousands on therapy I have gained a lot of insight into the psyche of people. I have noticed that when i am in the presence of very emotionally mature people (rare), the fog doesn't flow in as readily....but if i am in the presence of emotionally immature people (most), then the fog happens quickly. Do any of you see a similar difference in the 'type' of people you encounter? I have 2 friends that are quite emotionally secure and with them, i can speak profusely and intelligently. *g*. With most though, i appear extremely 'shy' because i can't form/express thoughts cohesively.

I had never really thought about this until you brought it up, but this is true for myself as well. An incident just happened this weekend, where a former friend (one who is emotionally immature). She blatantly confronted me in a crowd, and completely froze up. Like I lost all composure, and was just silent. I just didn't know what to say, and looking to someone else to help me find a response.

This is not how I use to be. I use to could bounce back quickly. In a emotionally mature conversation I hold my own.

So I guess I do have that same fog you are talking about. Thanks for helping me see it more clearly.

SSE

Thanks Drambuie62, you really enlightened me with this string. I have always been a social person and havent changed but am toned way down and only talk a few moments at a time with friends on the phone now as opposed to an hour before. I still say hello in the store but if someone talks in the parking lot I get bored easily unless it is insightful or meaningful and I am not polite about showing I'm bored now where as before I would hide it. Now I'm crippled and it is painful to stand and tolerate it. I like to shut crap out. Now I understand the flow of information and what you mean. Thanks. I think in flows of information.

I'm really glad Anita brought this up about the attention thing. I notice this too in conversations. I block out anything I don't think is important. So someone can be telling me a story, and I won't have a clue about what that story was about, because I didn't feel like it was something I need to retain in my brain to be able to survive.

I have a really hard time with my job. People tell me things about their life, and if it's not important to what I am doing for or to them, I kind of block it out. This can come across as not caring or not listening to that person. But this is just the way I am now. It is like I don't have room for unimportant or non essential information in my brain. I just don't have the space to fit it into my brain anymore.

Sometimes i seriously become nonverbal and i can't say anything/answer a question ect.... i dont know what it is but i can't keep ignoring people. it makes me hurt so bad because i'm not trying at all its just like i shut down completely. i'm just to the point where i do anything to avoid being around people but that dosn't work because i've always been such a people person and involved with many things with my family and friends and the one you can't get to shut up..... I don't understand this at all and don't know really what to do about it, and how to act around people. i feel like when i try explaining these problems it dosn't really make sense but maybe some of you understand what i'm trying to say... anything i can do to stop this? i feel like i've gone crazy :(

yes , this is so much what happens to me. i find myself not wanting to be around other people.

It sounds like we all have "people overload" . (www.tbiguide.com talks about overload). As I've posted in other places, when I'm with my husband, he notices a certain look I get in my eyes, and he knows it 's time to leave. ( he says I have a 3 1/2 hour window) .

Over the years I've developed some strategies for dealing with people,, especially when I know I/we are going to a gathering. Before going, I try to think of things to talk about so I'll have something to offer the conversation. (It's been easier these past weeks because of the boot I"m wearing for my broken ankle- that always initiates a conversation!)

Thanksgiving is a few days away , and I"m already thinking of topics to talk about. Mark (husband) and I go to my daughter's inlaws' home for this holiday. It's an intimate group of 25 to 30 people. My usual plan is :

We'll enter via the kitchen where everyone is gathered . We'll greet everyone with "hi"s , and Amy (daughter ) and I will hug, then I'll see if there's anything I can do to help. There will be general chit chat during this time. I take notice of the people there and try to remember who they are ( usually not successful) .

We all will eat in diffferent parts of the house ( Matt's parents built the house specifically for entertaining). Mark, Matt, Amy and I usuall end up in the sunroom. Matt ( PhD in rocket engineering , but now a teacher for gifted kids ) and Mark will talk either about space and blackholes, or religion. Amy and I will talk about life in general, and occasionally join the guys' talk.

During dessert ( I never eat it ) , I will circulate and talk to people who know me, but I don't remember them. This is the time when I"ll say "How are you related to Matt? I'm sorry- you know my lack of memory". Then we talk a bit of what's going on in our lives.

During clean-up I'll talk to people I know rather well. Matt's cousin has gone to college in the mid-west, so I"ll talk to her mom about "empty nest". Debbie is a single mom (Sarah is her only child) ,, and the last time we talked, we discussed how shy Sarah is. Debbie was worried, and my social work background helped aid the conversation. So I"ll talk to her about things. Sarah may be here,, so I can talk to her too.

Matt's grandmother does a lot of crafts , as do I. I"m bringing some snowflakes I crocheted from sewing thread. Phyllis does this too, so we'll compare patterns, and talk about our latest "projects" . I'll tell her about the afghans I'm making for a shelter for abused women, and she'll talk about the quilt she just finished and gave away, She'll also have questions about what to get Amy for Christmas.

By this time people will be in the kitchen and dining room talking. I usually find a job I can do with one other person ( putting leftovers in ziiplock bags, etc ) . This is the hardest time for me because there are lots of different conversations going on, and Matt ( Loud voice ) will be giving his opinion about something. This is when I sometimes go back into the living room and find "quiet" people to chat with . When I re-join the masses in the kitchen, my 3 hour window is coming, and I'm aware of Mark looking at me. I'll catch his eye and shake my head (meaning "no, we don't have to go") if I"m still "cognizant" . I may not be saying much, but being part of the group is important to me. There's always a baby there that Amy is cradling. Matt's mom or Phyllis will make a comment about "soon we'll have something to hold " ( M and Amy are trying to have a baby). I"ll yell "not yet!" and remind Amy she once said she wouldn't have a child until I was 57. I"m not there yet .

It's time to go when Terriin , a nine year old gal , starts taking her polls. She goes to each person, whether they're talking or not , and will say"I want to know your favorite ( whatever: cartoon character was last year). Mark will mention that it's getting dark, and we live on winding roads. We'll say our "good-byes" and get on our way. Once I"m in the car, I'll be quiet as my brain takes a rest and gets ready to "re-boot". It was a wonderful gathering, but confusing at the end. I"ll be glad to get home to the quiet .

That's my strategy for Thanksgiving. I'm sure it won't go as planned, but at least I feel better ( today) armed with a few subjects to talk about. Thanks to my neuropsychologist for this suggestion.

wow Holly - that's so well organized, i'm wondering what Christmas will be like this year, as last my hubby found it really hard to organize what was going on, (opening gifts) etc and there was only 7 of us. Is there anything i can do to help him? we have lots of catching up to do, as he's been away in residence for 8 months, and i used to do a lot of his responding/organizing/escape planning for him, now i don't really know what he's going to need, or want. we do have an exit strategy we've always used, just like you - he looks at me, and i used to be able to tell if he had a headache, (he gets super cranky), and we make our goodbyes! very similar to your plan, but very well done, for knowing exactly how you want it to go.