BPD support Borderline Personality Disorder Community Group
Too help those suffering from BPD or those with family members with BPD
What am I supposed to do when someone (typically a pwBPD) screams for me to go away, that they hate me ... and then becomes even more distraught when I do? It's not fair to expect me to stand still and take the abuse. Honestly, although it's hard either way, the subsequent crying is easier to cope with than the initial screaming, but leaving triggers all those fears of abandonment.
One told me recently
"Often when people say they just want you to leave, they are testing to see if you truly care. i do that"
It was reinforced by this jaw-dropper:
"i treat people like crap because they showed me i didnt matter much so i say whatever i want to see if they care enough to fight for me. but nobody ever fights. so yeah dont let me hurt you. im not worth it."
How can they be convinced that this game is really destructive and neurotic, so that they stop playing it?
One told me recently
"Often when people say they just want you to leave, they are testing to see if you truly care. i do that"
It was reinforced by this jaw-dropper:
"i treat people like crap because they showed me i didnt matter much so i say whatever i want to see if they care enough to fight for me. but nobody ever fights. so yeah dont let me hurt you. im not worth it."
How can they be convinced that this game is really destructive and neurotic, so that they stop playing it?
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I need some plot development ideas for a book I'm writing. Here's the lead in:------@1630 she texted me, asking for gas money. "Are u at work? I have to work in a couple hours I don't have any gas barely I was wondering if u had 20$ by chance haven't been able to get any massages in I'm sorry to ask was just seeing"She agreed to meet me at the townhouse @1730. I asked her to call me before...
I've only gotten better because I realized that I'm just pushing people away. I was recently (literally) abandoned by my boyfriend of 2.5 years. Seriously. One night he shut off his phone, kept it off for two days, I texted his dad and called him to see if my guy was okay. I thought he was hurt and in the hospital (it was uncharacteristic of him to leave his phone off). Then his father told me that he was breaking up with me. (Yupp, that's right, his father broke up with me.) So he blocked all the phone numbers I could contact him on.
Anyways, sorry for the rant, does the person know that they have BPD? If not give them a book that maybe they can relate to. You need to give this person a chance to realize that what they are doing is self-destruction. You need to walk on eggshells when confronting the person about the problem and try to discuss it calmly and not accuse the person of ANYTHING. Just talk about how it makes YOU feel.
Thank you for the advice. I think people would benefit generally by taking the word 'hate' out of their everyday vocabulary. It's too strong for casual use, I feel. When someone says they hate something I like, I am disposed to avoid the person who said it. I do not have this reaction when they merely dislike something I like, because the word dislike,' unlike 'hate' does not connote the inability to tolerate.
I hope you have been able to find some happiness since this breakup.