i see my doctor and my cpn regulary but each time i go i put on this happy smiling face and make out im doing fine.why do i do this why can't i tell them the truth that my mind feels screwed up i'm hearing the voices more often than i let on.what am i afraid of?they all tell me how brilliantly im doing including my partner but inside im screaming for help as i just dont know what to do anymore.i feel my emotions getting out of control but i try and suppress them.i can't talk to my partner as she doesn't really understand bpd although shes joined a course to learn how to care for someone with a mental illness.but this isnt helping me right now,the way i'm feeling right now.i feel although im going backwards to the way i use to be all those negative feelings are comming back i fear of telling anyone in case they say "your ok"because thats just it i'm not ok.