Bladder Cancer Support Group

Bladder cancer is a disease in which abnormal cells in the bladder multiply without control. The greatest risk factor for bladder cancer is a genetic predisposition; it's also associated with smoking and occupational exposure to certain dyes (such as in textile factories), petrol and other chemicals. If you or a loved one has been diagnosed with bladder cancer, we're here...

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Cancers
/ Bladder Cancer Support Group

Not coping well

melaniemic
melaniemic
I joined this group because my twin brother, 56 now, was diagnosed with bladder cancer. He has not told me a stage or much else. He doesnt drive so I take him for his GBC treatments. He is in the middle of his 2nd round of this treatment.
He is not coping well, in my opinion. He gets stupidly drunk 5 nights out of the week, only drying up so his doctor won't know. He celebrates after each treatment with southern comfort because beer bothers him now. He still smokes 2 packs a day, plus.
This past week has been worse because the doctor told him that they need to sit down together to discuss findings on his cat scan. He stalled the appointment for just shy of a week.
He is convinced he is dying and talks that way all of the time.
He moved in with me two years ago to help me. I have MS. I am still mobile and will not give in to the MS. I stay as active as I can. I have good days and bad days.
I am sooooo angry at his disregard for life, and I know so many of you here are fighting this. I believe that fight in us is huge in our progress and outcomes. I just get so frustrated, It's so hard coping with his attitude toward it all.
Any ideas if his behaviors will hasten the cancer he has, or is this sometimes typical? I am struggling with this big-time.
any input will be greatly appreciated.
ellsworth007
ellsworth007
Well , good job trying to be the best sister he has during a very upsetting time. I have had three people close to me get cancer in the last year and one of them was dx with bladder cancer. I have been on the Kidney Cancer site for more than a year for my Husband who is now stable. The treatment truly depends on the staging and pathology of his cancer .He really is in denial and drinking away his trouble which is frustrating but probably normal for him. If he is only doing the GBC treatments it could be it was caught really early which is good ! and your probably right the smoking is often associated with bladder cancer among other things. Sounds like you need a few more people on your side to take him on ....Keep posting and venting ...it helps Gail
tmcgraw
tmcgraw
i truly understand yur feelings . My husband was dx in oct. 2009 . It was so awful to hear cancer .
we knew nothing of bladder cancer .The treatments were brutal on him . we got through all that . Then find out he is smoking again . I am so angry ! your brother may have major depression along with not understanding the dx . His Dr. may not be positive about his prognosis . finding a good Dr. helps too. tkae care know you are not alone . Hugs , pam
deleted_user
deleted_user
I can only imagine how profoundly his responses must affect you and how badly they make you feel. Presently, my husband is battling bladder cancer and my brother is giving advanced MS the fight of his life. I am here, helping both. While my husband's reaction is not quite like that of your brother, I too, see such an opposite regard for the embracing of life and fight to overcome the situation. It is frustrating, disappointing, hurtful and at times, it must feel like such a slap in the face to see someone you love seeming to throw away a chance, when your own odds are so great. I am very sorry you are going through these circumstances. I would say, do what you can and give yourself permission to say "No." when it is too much for you to take on. Sometimes the hardest thing to do with a loved one, is to say, "No. I cannot do this for you, I love you, but I cannot take this one for you, I do not and cannot live my life in this manner." You may have to ask others to step forward. You may have to seek out resources available to help him. If he refuses to help himself, you understand you cannot force him and you cannot change him. I would find myself asking if I could live with my decision to allow him to continue in this direction in your home, or if I could live with my decision to find other means for him. I would begin with complete straight talk together. Center your conversations around "I feel, I see, I experience, I hope, I believe..." Make your case about yourself and perhaps by forcing him to focus on you in the conversation, it will be non-threatening and cause him reason to reconsider his responsibilities for himself. Sending you some extra strength today as you find your way. You are not alone. Blessings.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Smoking is one of the main causes of bladder cancer as the toxins from the cigs collect in the bladder. Recurrence is a major issue with bladder cancer so quitting smoking would be very important. If he is getting BCG treatments than likely they removed the tumor in his last TURBT, and he has a very good chance of a long and healthy life if he lays off the sauce and the cigs. I know when I was first diagnosed 2 years ago I first thought I was dying - but with proper treatment the survival rates for bladder cancer are very high. Best of luck both with your brother and your ongoing battel with MS - I applaud your positive attitude!