You might just open up a whole new world for you and your husband by opening your bedroom to another man. I get excited just thinking about a relationship like that. As a guy who is attracted to both men and women, I wish my ex-wife would have felt that way because would probably still be married. You are not alone and I think you are a very special and wonderful person to open your mind to the possibilities of having a third party join you and your husband. Good luck!

I am in the same situation almost. My husband told me he was bi before we married but promised he would never act on it. Well I found out yesterday that he has been while away on business trips. We will be married 10 years in Feb. My heart is broken and I don't know what to do now. I can't imagine leaving him but I also don't want to live in a relationship where one person is unfaithful. He told me he won't do it again but am I to believe that? I don't want to lose him and am very afraid. I am worried that I am not doing right by myself if I stay. You are not alone.

I am in a similar but opposite position. I have came out as bi to my straight husband of 19 years. We have two children (12 & 17), I wanted by husband to open our relationship so I didn't have to feel like the bi side of myself was being ignored, forgotten, suppressed, etc. I have wanted this for sometime, and it was only this pressing need that caused me to come out to my husband. He accepts me as bi, but was unable to cope with trying an open relationship, so much so that he was making himself sick due to his anxiety about it all. So due to this I was forced to promise to stay faithful and forget about the open relationship. We agreed we would review our situation in another 6 months (2 of which have now passed).

During the turmoil of this open relationship request one thing that did improve was our communication with each other. Let me stress that being open and honest is the key, and not letting things fester before calmly discussing what's on your mind.

You need to realize, where there are children involved, that relationship trumps or rather is and always will be the primary relationship. And it's not in the bi-persons interests to upset that primary relationship. So please believe your husband when he says he loves you, always will and will never leave you.

Just because you love one person does not mean you cannot love others. But the primary relationship will always come first. So do not live in fear that your husband will fall in love and leave you, (this was one of my husbands fears, no matter how many times I told him it was not going to happen).

I have joined this site and a few others to help me learn more, and for support in staying monogamous in a straight relationship when I am bi-sexual. I also look at lesbian porn. These are things I'm doing to help me cope. Same as what your husband is doing.

But to tell you the truth, I am not sure that after the 6 months is up that I won't still want an open relationship, as I am not sure these things will be enough for me. I am trying the best I can.

I believe your relationship will actually blossom if you allow your husband to have a male companion. He will love you all the more for understanding and wanting to help him be happy. And if you let that other person into your life too, you may be into some interesting times. There are measures you can take to mitigate potential issues. One being that the other man is also in a primary relationship. Else if it was a single man, then there could be issues with how much time he would be happy with having with your man, given he has no other immediate family around. It will be harder to find someone like that, so it may take a bit longer.

Just remember nothing beats the love you have for each other and your children. Be open and honest, calm and rational in your communications.

I wish you all the best. You are a wonderful partner to give you consent to this, and I am sure your husband will not abuse it.

Your post is what made me join this group. I needed to respond. I am a married 44yo male with two amazing kids. My wife knows if my bisexual desires because I wanted to be totally honest. She doesn't embrace them but that is for later in my post.

The point is that I'm amazed at how much you support your husband! I would do anything for that kind of support! But here's the biggest thing that caught me from your post- you said when you pictured him with a man it turned you on. I truly hope you will tell him that! But don't just tell him- set the mood- have a cocktail or two when you can both be alone and tell him you want to look at the porn that turns him on- that you want to hear WHY it turns him on and just make him tell you everything. Ecourage him. Take off your clothes as he's telling you. And if you are turned on enough, tell him you'd like to teach him how to go down on a guy. Perhaps something you could do together.

For me, I would love if my wife told me she got turned on imagining me with a guy! I wouldn't have the slightest inclination to cheat on her, but something I feel would fix out situation is if she was willing to go there with me. It would be an experience we could both share. I want her to watch and whisper in my ear as I'm crossing that line.

I hope this helps! You are the kind of wife I think so many straight-bi husbands wish they had! Best wishes to you!

I think that your feelings are quite normal. Remember that he loves -you- for you.. If he is truly is bisexual then he is attracted to women as well as men - no man can replace that.. Who does he come home to at night?

I suspect it's sort of like "grass is greener" syndrome. There are some things, until you experience them it is all you can think about.

I hope that both can have some honest, but loving communication.. He ought to know that you miss him. Each person in the relationship deserves respect, and no one can read minds. That is why it is important to be up front about expectations. There may be some things that the both of you just don't have answers to right now, or feelings that you did not expect. Setting some rules between everyone might not be a bad idea. Do you want to/get to watch? Participate? Do you help him select a partner? Depending on how nervous he is about his male/male experience you don't necessarily -have- to be excluded from this unless that is really what you prefer.

You both need to be somewhat upfront about what you would like, both with each other, and with a third person. I don't think that is unreasonable if you are allowing him to come to terms with who he is. He ought to know that you have a need to be the object of desire every once in a while.

It is a process of self-discovery, and it wonderful that you can support him in it - hopefully he will come back to you even stronger for loving him that much. If he doesn't show him this message, because he's darn lucky to have a wife who is willing to give it a try.

Thanks for your kind words Veryopen2All. I guess the reason I haven't told my husband that seeing him with another man would turn me on, is that I already know that it's not his thing. We have already discussed his sexuality, and with him being straight he just doesn't view it the same as us bi-sexual people. He's already told me he doubt's if he'd be able to remain erect with another male in the room, even if they didn't touch each other. It would turn him off completely. That's I guess what being straight means?

Thanks VeryOpen2All and Elian for your reponses. It's nice to hear that others think that I am a great wife for allowing him to explore. Something Elian said that kind of stuck with me is that I have a need to be the object of his desire once in awhile. I've been having a tough few days because I haven't been feeling that lately. For the record, he's been with 2 guys since this started and been talking with a few others. He doesn't hide these conversations from me, but I notice that more and more, he keeps going back to their pics and admiring them. I understand the attraction, but he never looks at me anymore like he does them and I'm feeling a bit jealous. I don't know if this is just a phase or it's going to be ongoing.

Hello CryingButTrying... This is just so interesting to me! I don't mean to sound apathetic to your feelings, but I can identify with your husband, and maybe some of that will be helpful to you. First of all, I am still just amazed that you have let him be with two guys and let him be in touch with others. That is so far away from my situation. I'd be in heaven if my wife was that understanding of me. Heck, I'd be over the moon if she was ok with me even having any contact with a guy and sexting. No way she would ever let me try it. But If she ever agreed to us both being with a guy together, I'd feel like I just won the lottery!

Ok- so my advice... I wonder if he's like me and feels guilty. I feel guilty anytime I even mention my feelings to my wife because I know it makes her feel like she isn't enough. But that's not true at all- she is enough- she's the one I want to experiment and experience something like this with. I want to be able to talk about it with her after. I just want to share it but I need to be provoked to share... I'm too worried to bring it up on my own. So although he doesn't hide it, does he know you have been turned on by picturing him with another guy? Would you consider actually participating? Or watching? I wonder if he knew that if he wouldn't just be so turned on by you that you'd need to just watch out... he'll jump ya when you least expect it!

I hope he does. You really do deserve to feel like the object of his desires and affection. That's not too much to ask for... when you're married , that should just be part of the deal!!! If it wasn't supposed to be that way, I'd be totally against marriage! Stand your ground on this one!

I really think you're a very impressive woman! Go you!!

Privatepretty1-- ugh. We are in the same boat! If that's what being straight means, I want no part of it!

I stand behind you!

Hey all.... im new here. My hisband came out as bisexual to me just under a year ago.... its been like learning who we are all over again... i too sometimes feel like he doesnt desire me anymore....but hes such a sweet heart and we have open communication.... i just feel like sometimes he needs to remind himself that he hasnt given me any attention.... we joke aboit cute guys together..... but there are times when i remember him saying he desires to be with them. And then my heart is crushed all over again.... after all ....going into this i thoight i was what he desired. Im very monogamous and dont think i could ever open myself up to another man in bed with us .... although he says hes holding out for the day i say yes to that... i told him flat out it would never happen. Its not that it doesnt turn me on, i am just VERY monogamous. I dedicated myself to him..
.. to him alone.... and i feel that a third party would just be a threat to our happiness. I to have sexual attractions to the same sex which o told him some time ago (which is what made him comfortable enough to come out to me i thinn) but i have no desire for another partner. This os what its like to be bisexual and monagomous..... he i think is bisexual and poly..... thats just my opinion... i know if i let it happen even once there would be no going back....and i would loose him eventually. He is going through a phase of wanting something he can't have....and i think everyone goes through that at some point in their life. If i open the doors...whats to stop him from never turning back...

First i would like to say thank you for your post. I just joined today after reading it. I am 43 divorced male with two teenage kids. I have an amazing relationship with my high school sweetheart who also has two kids roughly same age as mine. To preface my response, we have an amazing relationship, although we have had plenty of obstacles. Our sex life is erotic and amazing.
We have built our relationship on honesty and communication. Recently she has noticed that my fetishes have become more realistic, and actually asked me if i thought of anything else. I have not been able to be brought to climax while we were playing and she wants me to do that. It has opened my eyes to a lot of things. I actually got really turned on by looking up gifs or pictures of scenarios. Her only request is that i be 100% honest of if i look at anything or if i consider the opportunity, although i have no idea where to start.
Now I love this woman with everything I have. But there is a sexual desire that she may not be able to be fullfill.
My curiosity is to be dominated and/or feminized by a man. She does not desire being shared with another guy but wants to be involved in that experience with me.
This is all so surreal and shocking because i thought she would have thought less of me or grossed out.
I also am struggling a little bit because this is new to me. I mean i have watched porn since i was younger and i don’t mind looking at a mans junk. But lately it has turned me on doing so.
I myself cannot fathom the idea of being romantically involved with a man as I am with the only person I desire romantically and she fulfills me. But sexually, there is an intrigue for the both of us now.
Being communicative with your husband, I would suggest as others have, tell him that the idea may turn you on. Have y’all tried toys? Being honest and discussing every aspect could actually spark new intimacies between you too. If he is anything like me, nobody could ever take the place of the only I truly love. She has expressed how much she loves and supports me just by understanding, and encouraging me to experiment to find out if i would really like it. Now I just have to figure out if I would and how. I know I just rambled ALOT. But that’s my 1 penny worth. Good Luck

Some bisexual men are able to be non-practicing with men if they are married to a woman. Having a good and fairly frequent sexlife within the marriage helps but does not guarantee this.

Other bisexual men feel they need to have sex with a man even if married to a woman.

What is it about a man that a bisexual man craves? Understanding that may help.

For example a man who craves anal penetration may be very well satisfied and not need a man if his wife is willing to peg him.

I could never give my consent to this because of STDs involved and the feelings involved. There are so many things. You would feel bad each time it happened. It is not something I could deal with but perhaps others have. I am sorry about your predicament. You deserve to have someone who is faithful to you. Think about that. Sometimes, they finally go completely gay and just want to be your friend. If you can deal with that, I wish you luck.

I have been married a long time and not bi in the sense that I am attracted to men just sex with men. When I was 14 I put on a pair of panties and it was a huge turn on. At 18 i was in a restroom and a man about 25 was looking at me in the stall. I should have been disgusted but wasn't for some reason. He followed me around the department store for several minutes but never came up to me to talk. A couple days later i met a girl i started dating. After 1 1/2 years we got married. We were both virgins so we had no idea what the other wanted or expected in bed. My wife didnt have near the interest in sex that I had because of a bad childhood I she never mentioned. I eventually looked for men for sex only.