Bisexuality Support Group
Bisexuality is a sexual orientation which refers to the aesthetic, romantic, and/or sexual attraction of individuals to other individuals of both their own and the opposite gender or sex. Most bisexuals are not equally attracted to men and women, and may even shift between states of finding either sex exclusively attractive over the course of time.
Okay, I need some help here. I am really confused with my sexuality. I have been for several years. Until recently I haven't been able to talk about it at all, and now I really feel like trying to talk through it. I really need help with sorting things out. I feel like I am not "normal" with my sexuality.
Ever since I was little, like anywhere between 8 and 10, I've been very intrigued by other girls, the girls around me at school, my teachers were my role models and I couldn't help but notice if they were attractive. I was also intrigued by girls in the media etc. And I couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to sleep with a girl.
When it came to thinking about guys, I never really cared at all. I had little to no interest in guys until I got older and the some of the physical urges were a lot stronger. I never really understood what my friends were talking about when they would say "oh my gosh, that one boy is so cute/hot/sexy etc". Guys never really phased me.
As I got older, and I started thinking about falling in love with someone, I always pictured a guy. After I started thinking about settling down, coming home at night and cuddling on the couch - everyday type things, and getting married - I thought about all of those things with a guy. After I started thinking about these things with a guy, I had more thoughts about what it would be like to sleep with a guy. However, in real like, guys still didn't phase me that much.
Where I get really stuck, is that girls physically phase me I notice when they are attractive, but I never really think about girls in a romantic sense. I don't think about dating a girl, kissing girls, and wanting to cuddle and wake up next a girl in the morning.
So I feel really stuck and confused, if I am really attracted to girls because of the physical aspects I feel like I am, but not in the romantic sense. Where for guys, I am not all that physically attractive but I feel like I am in more of the romantic sense. Is this normal for someone who is "bi"? Or has anyone else experienced things like this? Where the romantic and physical attraction is split?
Ever since I was little, like anywhere between 8 and 10, I've been very intrigued by other girls, the girls around me at school, my teachers were my role models and I couldn't help but notice if they were attractive. I was also intrigued by girls in the media etc. And I couldn't help but wonder what it would be like to sleep with a girl.
When it came to thinking about guys, I never really cared at all. I had little to no interest in guys until I got older and the some of the physical urges were a lot stronger. I never really understood what my friends were talking about when they would say "oh my gosh, that one boy is so cute/hot/sexy etc". Guys never really phased me.
As I got older, and I started thinking about falling in love with someone, I always pictured a guy. After I started thinking about settling down, coming home at night and cuddling on the couch - everyday type things, and getting married - I thought about all of those things with a guy. After I started thinking about these things with a guy, I had more thoughts about what it would be like to sleep with a guy. However, in real like, guys still didn't phase me that much.
Where I get really stuck, is that girls physically phase me I notice when they are attractive, but I never really think about girls in a romantic sense. I don't think about dating a girl, kissing girls, and wanting to cuddle and wake up next a girl in the morning.
So I feel really stuck and confused, if I am really attracted to girls because of the physical aspects I feel like I am, but not in the romantic sense. Where for guys, I am not all that physically attractive but I feel like I am in more of the romantic sense. Is this normal for someone who is "bi"? Or has anyone else experienced things like this? Where the romantic and physical attraction is split?
Another thing to consider is that part of your fantasizing about men in your life may also be from social programming. We are constantly bombarded with heterosexual images in the media, movies, from our family and friends, it's the socially accepted "norm" so we are exposed to those images more often. You might try watching some Gay & Lesbian tv shows and movies and see how those images resonate with you.
Ultimately, it is your life and you should do what feels right for you with whichever (or both) genders that feel right. Do some safe experimenting to see what feels best for you. Experience is a great way to gain insight into what does or doesn't bring us joy.
So lately, I've let myself explore the idea of what it would be like to do all of those everyday type of things (coming home at night to a girl, eating dinner, cuddling and watching movies. Just settling down in general. And thinking about what it might be like to fall asleep at night holding my girl in my arms, keeping her warm. And waking up next to her in the morning. I felt a little sick to my stomach, when I realized that sounded like it would be really nice to have that in my life. I could kind of see myself in a relationship with a girl.
I am afraid that maybe I am more attracted to girls overall than I am guys. But even though I feel like I can see myself with a girl. I feel like I would still be missing out on experiencing what it would be like to be with a guy.
I feel pressured to choose and don't know how to get myself out of that mindset of needing to commit to someone.
Does anyone have any ideas on how to help me do that?
So, don't. Accept your sexuality and sexual desires. Then when you meet any potential partner, be open and honest about you feelings, sexuality and bi sexual needs.
You will be surprised to find that there are guys and girls out who will love you for being open and honest with them and will be happy to accommodate a romantic relationship where they are happy for you to enjoy another sexual partner. Either on your own or together.
This would of course need for you to be secure together with your romantic partner first and to continue to be totally open and honest with each other once consenting.
As to the sexual vs. life partner thing, I agree with ninjapixie about it being probably due to social programming.
I married a woman, you can do that now, thank the Goddess. It is now possible in this modern day and age to marry a woman, something I never though would be possible when I came out at 15.
As it sounds like you are very young, what I would advise is just don't get too serious with anyone you date but don't feel like you have to be polyamorous, that can sometimes be more trouble then it's worth.
Just make a commitment to yourself that you won't get married until after you fully explore these bisexual desires and date around, date casually, until you feel you've learned all you need to learn and are a bit older and ready to settle down. You can do that. It's worth doing so that finally when you settle down and are monogamous or married you've gotten it out of your system and can settle down, as it sounds like you do want to do.
That is certainly the easier way to go. All-polyamory as suggested by PaulBradley can be a difficult lifestyle to comfortably maintain. Time management, jealousy, feelings, drama, I have lived the poly life and while it was fun in the end I decided it wasn't for me. It is something worth trying if you're young and in a hurry though, so knock yourself out if you feel up to it.
Luckily, now you settle down with whatever gender you prefer.