Hey everybody,

So background on me to lead up to my current situation (it will be long because that's how I roll!). I am a 25 year old male and I'm bi. No one knows I'm bi, well, I think most people suspect I am somewhere in the gay or bi spectrum but I haven't explicitly told anyone. I grew up a "normal" boy. I had crushes on girls waay back into elementary school, and I don't think I began noticing the male body until around 7th grade. I started realizing I liked men physically around that time, but it wasn't anything emotional so I thought it was just the hormones messing with me and something I would eventually get over. I continued to like girls more than anything throughout high school, thing is, I'm also really shy (mostly over that now but at the time I was really shy) and the one time I had the guts to ask the girl I had liked for over a year out, she happened to get a boyfriend that same morning. After that knowing I was moving to another state for college I didn't really try to start any relationships and didn't think of it much.

Once I moved to college I started seeing many other ways of life. My college was way more liberal than my high school ever was and I started being around the LGBT community a lot more. I made friends freshman year who were in many spectrums of sexuality and even made "straight" friends who came out during my college years (Even my roommate freshman year who I had lived in the same room with for a year turned out to be gay). Personally, I went from being more attracted to girls to being equally, if not more attracted to men. I found myself fantasizing about men more and more and even went on Chat roulette to try and find cute guys to masturbate with (classifying myself as bi-curious as a way to continue denying). Honestly, and I still don't understand how, I kept convincing myself that it was a phase and that eventually I would only be attracted to girls and would get married, have children and live happily ever after..

Junior year is when I met my best friend. Let's just say we met playing video games online (I'm an avid gamer) and found out we lived just about half an hour away from each other. We clicked in a way I've never clicked with anyone before, eventually talking online almost on a daily basis for hours on end. About 5-6 months later we met in person for the first time. We had only known each other via our personalities up till then, and he was just a good friend for me. Yes, I found him attractive from the moment I laid eyes on him but really he was just a good friend to me. Our friendship continued growing over the months and eventually I went to his house, met his family (today I'm basically part of his family), and that's when it happened. I took a possession of his from him jokily and as he tried to get it back from me. He grabbed my hand and held it while he took it out of my other hand. I went home that evening and while trying to go to sleep I could still feel his hand holding mine. It was like nothing I had ever felt before and at that moment I thought "shit, I'm bi".

Now that was over three years ago, and we continue to talk daily, and hang out almost every weekend. Our friendship is closer than ever, especially after some difficult health situations we got through together recently. He claims to be completely straight and has had crushes on a couple of girls the past few years that haven't gone anywhere. He's had opportunities for dates with what I considered good eligible girls that he's turned his back on. As previously mentioned I've been around a few closeted people who have come out around me, myself included, and I see similarities between all those people and me. These similarities I share with these people I also see with my best friend. Now I can't be completely sure, but let's say I'm about 75% sure he's either gay or bi. We've shared a few experiences that I won't go into that make me think this, and I feel a certain sexual tension between us (for example we overshare about masturbation/our bodies to each other which leads to blushing and giggling from both of us) that makes me think there's more there, but like I said I can't be sure.

Now I've been out to myself for two years. That's two years of the weight of this secret bearing down on me. I feel like I want to burst and just announce to the world that I'm bi, but there are three people that I really want to tell face to face. Those are my parents and my best friend. Honestly, I'm not worried about my parents. I think they've suspected it for ages and they would probably instantly accept me right away. My main worry is my friend. Do I think he suspects me? Yes, he's straight up said I'm gay before and I've denied it (technically I'm not gay, I'm bi so I wasn't lying!) and he's even told me that his mother has asked him if I'm gay, guess I don't hide it very well. I'm sure he suspects it, and if we've gone this far together and he hasn't distanced himself from me for that reason I feel like he would easily accept it. My main fear with him is that our friendship will change. I feel that the openness we share now will go away in some sense. I'm terrified that the fact that I'm definitely bi instead of just a suspicion will make him distance himself a bit if he's really completely straight... however I also have the wish that me admitting I'm bi will encourage him to come out himself if my suspicions about him are correct, but who knows.

That's where I'm at. I'm ready to be out, but I'm nervous and confused on how to tell those closest to me. I'm glad I don't suffer from depression or other anxieties but the weight of the secret is making me stressed out and I just want these people to know. 

So I ask you guys to share your experiences. Do you have similar stories to me that can help me build up to this reveal? How do I go about telling my parents and how do I go about telling the person that worries me the most, my best friend? And if you have similar "in love with my friend" stories please share them too.

Thank you in advance :)