HI Andrea, what a lovely and thoughtful essay. I can understand how with women it is kind of invisible. And I agree that society doesn't really "get" the bisexual thing. I can hardly accept it myself, I suppose. I always feel I have to explain it, when they just assume, "oh, he's gay", but that's not it at all, I really do enjoy both genders. Oh, what are we to do! I don't really like to talk about it much openly. Instead, I adopt the "it's not anybody's dam business what I do behind closed doors". So I remain out to only a select few. Thanks again for the essay, Jacob.

Hi Andrea, I really enjoyed your essay...it's giving me more courage to share my story. I very much relate to your feelings of how your sexuality is assumed when you are in a relationship with a man. I think it has more to do with other people's comfort levels. Those who have not had the experience of being attracted to both genders do not understand, they can't wrap their minds around it so make assumptions that fit best in their personal world view. I also think the stereotype that "bisexuality is just a phase" may also be at play. I can personally vouch that it is not just a phase.

I also relate to the Femme aspect. No matter whom I'm with, I'm most comfortable presenting as femme in appearance. It's just who I am and I feel good looking this way. While it is socially accepted and encouraged while dating men...I found the opposite can be true while dating women. At times, it can be a bit of a barrier when dating women.

Thank you for sharing your story!