Bisexuality Support Group
Bisexuality is a sexual orientation which refers to the aesthetic, romantic, and/or sexual attraction of individuals to other individuals of both their own and the opposite gender or sex. Most bisexuals are not equally attracted to men and women, and may even shift between states of finding either sex exclusively attractive over the course of time.
I am a closet bisexual man and have been aware of my need to have sex with both men and women since a very young age. As for long term relationships, love and marriage I have always leaned towards women (not that I have anything against gay marriage but as far as married life and LT relationships go I am into women )
Bisexual experiences have included:
-looking at dirty mags with friends when I was 11 or 12 and getting horny together.
-talking about masturbation with these same guys and getting sexually aroused by the discussion.(I had my opportunity to masturbate with a friend when I was about 12 but I backed out because I was shy)
-(with the same guys) going into our separate corners of our fort and masturbating to porn
-in high school I was too shy to take a shower with the other guys because first of all I matured very late in life (ie. no pubic hair until age 16) and secondly, I would bet a hardon when I was naked with the other guys in the locker rooms.
-a few years later I found myself exploring my anus and (to this day) loving anal masturbation
-into my 30's on a drunken night I was invited up to a guys place to smoke a joint. He put on some porn to judge my reaction(guys sucking each other off) and asked me if I enjoyed it. I told him it was hot and the next thing you know we were frotting and I sucked him off. I loved it. It felt so natural and liberating.
- again in my 30's I started hitting Craig's list etc looking for sexual encounters with guys. I ended up having a guy come over to my [place and I sucked him off. He was more gay than bi so what he wanted (cuddleing kissing etc) was not my cup of tea. I also went to a guys place who advertised he was looking to suck and I let him blow me .
Heterosexual experience:
I've had many girlfriends and have fallen in love several times with women. Not something that I can relate to with men. All that being said;
I have been married for 6 years to a (somewhat) conservative wife (or at least that's what she thinks she is) . She was bought up in a South America where homo and bisexuality are discriminated and frowned upon. I lived with her in her country for a year and discovered that their attitude toward same sex relations is 30 years behind North American times. Funny thing is though she is one of these women who likes to hang out and go to clubs with very outwardly gay men (some might call them flamers for lack of a better word). She even insists her hair stylist be gay yet she will use negative vocabulary towards gay men like Maricon (Spanish for fag). We will be watching a movie or TV show and if there is a girl girl kissing scene she will act revolted, same for men. Being a liberal, Canadian, from a major urban centre it is nothing new for me to see same sex individuals kiss or hold hands etc.
My dilema: I am under the impression that if I come out to my wife it will be (in her eyes) a scandal. I am afraid all her fascist, conservative upbringing will dominate and she won't be able to cope with the fact that she married a bisexual man. In the meantime I have been dropping feelers her way. ie. When we watch a TV show/movie where 2 men become intimate as soon as she starts with her homophobic comments I let her know that they are not hurting anyone and if that's what they want then they have the right.
Since my marriage I have been monogamous and hide my anal play, bisexual porn , this forum and anything else bi from my wife. I have an insatiable urge to provide safe, oral pleasure to another man and I think this is affecting our sex life. I've been trying to avoid porn since I was using it as a crutch. I need and crave the real McCoy, man to man oral and manual sex.
The Question: Does anyone have any advice to give me on this topic? Can anyone relate to my situation? Are there any Latino men or Latina women on this forum who can give me their point of view
Bisexual experiences have included:
-looking at dirty mags with friends when I was 11 or 12 and getting horny together.
-talking about masturbation with these same guys and getting sexually aroused by the discussion.(I had my opportunity to masturbate with a friend when I was about 12 but I backed out because I was shy)
-(with the same guys) going into our separate corners of our fort and masturbating to porn
-in high school I was too shy to take a shower with the other guys because first of all I matured very late in life (ie. no pubic hair until age 16) and secondly, I would bet a hardon when I was naked with the other guys in the locker rooms.
-a few years later I found myself exploring my anus and (to this day) loving anal masturbation
-into my 30's on a drunken night I was invited up to a guys place to smoke a joint. He put on some porn to judge my reaction(guys sucking each other off) and asked me if I enjoyed it. I told him it was hot and the next thing you know we were frotting and I sucked him off. I loved it. It felt so natural and liberating.
- again in my 30's I started hitting Craig's list etc looking for sexual encounters with guys. I ended up having a guy come over to my [place and I sucked him off. He was more gay than bi so what he wanted (cuddleing kissing etc) was not my cup of tea. I also went to a guys place who advertised he was looking to suck and I let him blow me .
Heterosexual experience:
I've had many girlfriends and have fallen in love several times with women. Not something that I can relate to with men. All that being said;
I have been married for 6 years to a (somewhat) conservative wife (or at least that's what she thinks she is) . She was bought up in a South America where homo and bisexuality are discriminated and frowned upon. I lived with her in her country for a year and discovered that their attitude toward same sex relations is 30 years behind North American times. Funny thing is though she is one of these women who likes to hang out and go to clubs with very outwardly gay men (some might call them flamers for lack of a better word). She even insists her hair stylist be gay yet she will use negative vocabulary towards gay men like Maricon (Spanish for fag). We will be watching a movie or TV show and if there is a girl girl kissing scene she will act revolted, same for men. Being a liberal, Canadian, from a major urban centre it is nothing new for me to see same sex individuals kiss or hold hands etc.
My dilema: I am under the impression that if I come out to my wife it will be (in her eyes) a scandal. I am afraid all her fascist, conservative upbringing will dominate and she won't be able to cope with the fact that she married a bisexual man. In the meantime I have been dropping feelers her way. ie. When we watch a TV show/movie where 2 men become intimate as soon as she starts with her homophobic comments I let her know that they are not hurting anyone and if that's what they want then they have the right.
Since my marriage I have been monogamous and hide my anal play, bisexual porn , this forum and anything else bi from my wife. I have an insatiable urge to provide safe, oral pleasure to another man and I think this is affecting our sex life. I've been trying to avoid porn since I was using it as a crutch. I need and crave the real McCoy, man to man oral and manual sex.
The Question: Does anyone have any advice to give me on this topic? Can anyone relate to my situation? Are there any Latino men or Latina women on this forum who can give me their point of view
What i would advise if you want to stay in this marriage is what my relatives did with my grandma:, a gaytervention. This does not have to be a big shocking thing, it can be a slow, gradual process of watching LGBT films with your wife and talking through the emotions that they bring up until you can convince her (if this is possible) that being bisexual is okay. People can change. If she really loves you and feels that its tis death do us part she may accept you once she sees that gay people are real people too.
it sounds like from what everything you say here you are definitely 100% bisexual, and I'm so sorry you never got a chance to fully run with it and get all that gay sex out of your system before you got married. Our lives take us down interesting paths.
If you truly love your wife and don't want to leave her for a man (which might just be only a gay sex thing anyway, so many gay men are sex-only) try talking to her and seeing if you can change her mind or re-educate her. Show her RuPaul's Drag Race, if she reads have her read some LGBT writing (there's a lot of it)
it's really hard to hide a whole side of your sexuality from your wife. You will feel much better when you tell her and she loves and accepts you as i so hope she will after seeing enough gay film. Show her Brokeback Mountain, that shit is heartbreaking.
What ever you do, if you want your marriage to work out, don't go on Grindr and start hooking up for play dates with dudes. Try to keep it porn only. The risk of bringing an unwanted STD or HIV home to your wife would be very high if you did this and that would be far more tragic than this is already.
Good luck. Stay strong. We're rooting for you.