So I’m in an odd predicament and it’s quite a long story but I will try my best to summarise it as much as possible! 

So my boyfriend has had a fantasy for a long time to have a threesome with another woman. I used to always brush it off because I thought I could never do that, but one day he was joking about doing it with his ex (sometimes he would say a celebrity or something as a joke to see how I would react and if I was into it) and I laughed at first but then I thought about it. And I cheekily winked and giggled at him and got in the car and left (I was already leaving lol), but on the car ride home I actually thought about it and the strangest thing for me happened, I started to look at his ex and I felt this weird feeling, and because I was quite confused I didn’t know what it was but I am pretty sure now it was attraction. I told him about it after sitting in the car for 30 minutes thinking about it, and he was very supportive. He did express it was a little weird that it happened to be toward his ex, but nonetheless I could see he really did want to support me. We talked about it until about 1am and continued it the next day, where he then messaged her for advice (with my permission) 

So him and his ex would talk sometimes on and off and they were always at peace, but they would never get back together as they had a massively messy breakup. But they’re friends and I’m cool with that. 

Anyway she is a bisexual herself, and my bf told her I was struggling with my sexuality and if she had any advice, he very vaguely talked about how we talked her but didn’t really put down that I was attracted to her, but I think because I was so confused. 

Anyway she was full of tips and advice and tried her best... and I eventually ended up messaging her myself for advice with it and also advice with my bf regarding a completely different relationship issue which we have resolved now. It’s a bit messy but I just really wanted to talk to her about so many things to do with him and myself and she was always friendly and understanding for my bf. So I messaged her and she asked if I wanted to meet her for coffee and we did and we were talking for a good solid 5 hours about so many things, including sexuality. We have a lot in common. But I never told her about my feelings I had felt for her, because she brought up what my bf had said about the both of us talking about her, and I palmed it off and acted like I didn’t know. But she seemed kind of freaked out that I might have had feelings for her, or maybe I was scared of rejection, but by that time it had worn off a bit because I think I was so scared. I was sure I was straight. Now I’m confused. 

Two days later she invited me to a fitness class and I went and things were a little awkward because we weren’t able to talk and have the heart to heart like we were before, and it’s a weekly thing but I missed last week as I hurt my back, but the week coming it’s happening again and she wants me to come still. I keep looking at her profile photos and just like feeling some sort of attraction, I plan on telling my bf but I’m not sure how. See the thing is I absolutely adore my bf, I am truly in love with him and I hope to marry him one day. I am still strict on that and I would never ever cheat. I told him that we meet up that night and he was mad that I didn’t tell him before but he understood and trusted me that I was just looking for answers, and I told the truth and he can tell. 

But I can’t shake this feeling I have. And I don’t know who to tell. I feel like a bad person :( but no feelings have disappeared for my bf at all. I’ve read up a lot about polyamourous relationships and watched tv shows about it, and I feel like I wanted to test that out with her. But that will never happen bc my bf and her don’t mesh well in a relationship and they established that in the past. Plus we are all in our 20’s but he still lives at home (early 20’s—he’s getting there) and his Mum would greatly disapprove of all this, I find she does influence him a lot which influences our relationship. There’s so many messy things with all this and I have no idea what to do :’( 

i want to see this girl more and get to know her but I want my bf to be there with me, I want us to never together??? But not for a threesome because I feel like that could complicate things. And I got a strong vibe from her that she wouldn’t want to do that with us, she also told my bf she wasnt going to actually as well. 

I don’t want things to be a secret but I am scared about being judged or rejected, especially since this is the first time I have felt attraction for a girl. We connected well. But I feel like I am in the wrong for letting my eye wander? But I don’t know if I really did because my boyfriend suggested it? I don’t know I’m so confused and I feel a lot of guilt. She said once she wanted a polyamourous relationship but those two wouldn’t work. Argh haha it’s so complicated. 

I dont know what to do but I also had questions about sexuality. Like why am I only attracted to one girl? 

I’ve been trying to think about other girls and sometimes I feel a tiny bit but very rare, and not as instense as this. I feel guilty to my boyfriend and also bad for bringing his ex into all this. And I’m not sure what the most ethical move is to make. I don’t want to hurt anyone and I just want to figure out my feelings :( thanks for any help