Welcome to DS. Your story is similar to mine. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 34. That was several years ago. The anxiety is terrible.
It's good that you are in therapy. It sounds like you have a good support system. This is the time you find out what a real friend is. Keep your support system strong because it's important.

Sorry to hear that you are one of us, but your story is similar to mine. Bipolar was very devasting to me, but it also fit. My doc was giving me the wrong pills, and the therapist was sitting there in the dark like a spider writing down notes and not giving me a lot of help. It was in the second hospitalization that I had a firm diagnosis and about four weeks of help. My life was falling apart: my career of 28 years was over, lost all my friends and peers, my health (6 surgeries and 21 days in the ICU all in six months), my marriage on the rocks, and then my brain broke. I had a job that hides my bipolar with lots of work, stress, and a job that rewards you for staying up for six days and working all night. I still fell that few understand what has gone on, and that is on top of combat PTSD.

So... going on. We get up each day and live that day, and at the end of the day, we sleep bruised, battered, and dirty (see quote below). We do with what we have. It is hard. It is hard for each of us to get up in the morning. Make sure you have a reliable support system that you can trust and will stand by you if you have more than one considers yourself luckily. Most people are sunshine friends, but when the clouds gather, they scatter. Have someone that you can reach you when it is the darkest.


Here is a quote, a bit long but I think of it a lot. I have lived this quote. Comes from President T Roosevelt in a speech he gave in 1910:

"“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

Hi There,
You are in the right place. I have had bipolar all my adult life. However, I was diagnosed about 10 years ago.
I have people saying they understand. They promptly tell me how they have overcome depression and not sleeping. etc. etc.
I believe what we have (and research shows) is a neorogical illness. I.e. it is not in response to our situations.

i am surprised you have not been given some kind of bipolar pescription.
It takes a while to get the right meds. Well in my case, I was put on Lithium. This is excellent for a lot of bipolar sufferers.
It made my fingers twich and then my legs jerked.

The Doctor then changed my meds to Lamictal.
I still had depression so now I am on Lamictal and a small dose of Citrical. Not sure of the correct spelling.

Lamictal has sime of dangerous side effects.
You must look it up before you take it. It is very importand to take a very low dose for a while.

I am always over cautious about my meds.

I know the right combination will help you.
Will be thinking about you.
Hopefully, you keep us up to date, by posting some more.
Sanz x


I find this insulting. They don't really understand... in my opinion

PS The last line was supposed to be in the middles some where.

Welcome wolf! Get your boxing gloves ready because bipolar is a fight. You will be tired but you will get through. The key is when your going through hell keep going. When it feels impossible say I'm possible

Hi Lori
Yes, you will find understanding here at BP. I'm 66 and I've been dealing with bp for 36 years. Sad for you that you've been dx''d, yet being so young, you've got a good road ahead of you because 'you know'.

Yes there will be times and days that are so hard you want to scream, feel misunderstood, hurt and frustrated by family and friends...all I can write is they are human and make mistakes...I've mad Many. Once my brother said to me "I can't deal with your anger"...that was a Huge Wake Up Call...

I see a therapist, I find talking to someone who I can trust to not share what I say is Huge in my life. The other tool that I use is called DBT...the methods have taught me how to regulate my moods, in addition to medication.

I really hope you will continue to post. Take care ml,

thank you for all the responses, it actually brought me to tears to read some of these, in a good way because for the first time in a long time I don't feel so alone in this, I was actually put on aripiprazole and hope this improves my moods and seeing these responses have given me a new inspiration to keep on fighting and hope and work for a better tomorrow :)

Welcome to the board Lorileli …. This is a good place to come.... No people that don't have it don't know what it's like but they can empathize …. People often want to understand ya know even when they can't

Please don't lose site that this is a controllable disorder … It will take some time to find the right med regime and tools but you will working with professionals … Big hug....xoo

Hi Lori...was wondering if you've graduated from h.s. or if you are in your last year. Please do continue to post on your challenges with peers and family, I remember well how confused and misunderstood by All and how that in turn effected my moods and more so, my self esteem and school work.

@Mlro853 I have not graduated yet, I’m entering my senior year of high school this year and thank you for the encouragement, I find that DS is helping me cope with it all