Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
I wish there was a safe place I could go to get better that didn't cost anything. I'm really not feeling safe with myself. I'm having suicidal thoughts but I know I don't want to die, I just want the pain to go away. What I'm afraid of is the impulsiveness that has caused me to attempt suicide in the past. I have no meds, no insurance, no pdoc. I've tried state funded help and it wasn't help it was a nightmare. I have self medicated with alcohol in the past, and pain pills, but I've grown intolerant of alcohol now that I've quit for so long. I haven't smoked pot in years but I think if I knew the right people I would be. I don't know how long I can fight this. I feel like if I go to the ER they will send me back home leaving me more vulnerable and embarrassed. Screw HIPPA, in the south in a small town everyone knows your business. I don't know what to do at this point.
Maybe it's time to say to Hell with the embarrassment and go to the emergency room anyway. With your history of impulsiveness and given the fact that you're not on any kind of helpful meds or anything, you really shouldn't take any more chances by just doing nothing.
I understand your fear of being turned away, since you don't want to die. If you go to the ER, tell them that you are untreated, suicidal, impulsive, and have attempted suicide in the past and that you're in danger of doing so again.
Can you at least call the Crisis Hotline? Hopeline (Suicide): 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)
I wish help were free, too. But it's not and your life is priceless. Don't let the cost stop you from seeking help.
I hope you're doing better soon and that you find somewhere to get treatment on an ongoing basis. (((((Hugs)))))
I agree that an ER visist is in order here. Or a call to a crisis line....Like others have said maybe they can help you not only in the short term, but find you the resources you need to plow on.
I am so worried for you. I have been where you are right now. And as you know it is nothing to scoff at. Please keep yourself safe. So many people love and care about you and I've seen you in better times. And those times will come again. Hang in tight, girl. Big hugs. xo
*hugggggs*