I wish there was a safe place I could go to get better that didn't cost anything. I'm really not feeling safe with myself. I'm having suicidal thoughts but I know I don't want to die, I just want the pain to go away. What I'm afraid of is the impulsiveness that has caused me to attempt suicide in the past. I have no meds, no insurance, no pdoc. I've tried state funded help and it wasn't help it was a nightmare. I have self medicated with alcohol in the past, and pain pills, but I've grown intolerant of alcohol now that I've quit for so long. I haven't smoked pot in years but I think if I knew the right people I would be. I don't know how long I can fight this. I feel like if I go to the ER they will send me back home leaving me more vulnerable and embarrassed. Screw HIPPA, in the south in a small town everyone knows your business. I don't know what to do at this point.
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