Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
now and again i'll have a few days of just being in a haze of impulsiveness and wild bizarre ideas will occur to me. They are often impulses to do the things that are so oposite from what i want to do that i cant even understand where the thought came from.
the other day i had this random image of me splashing paint all over my favourite dress and i felt the urge to go and destroy it in some way.
i hate the thought ! but its still there.
another time i had visions of hanging my cats. I LOVE MY CATS. and i was afraid of what i would do if i followed through.
i sat on the bus counting my euros for when i go on holiday. and i had the bizarre flight of impulsive craziness that told me to throw the money out of the window.
just throw it, watching it floating to the ground flying from the bus, was a priceless idea.
but i didnt.
URGH what is wrong with me, just think normal thoughts freak !!
the other day i had this random image of me splashing paint all over my favourite dress and i felt the urge to go and destroy it in some way.
i hate the thought ! but its still there.
another time i had visions of hanging my cats. I LOVE MY CATS. and i was afraid of what i would do if i followed through.
i sat on the bus counting my euros for when i go on holiday. and i had the bizarre flight of impulsive craziness that told me to throw the money out of the window.
just throw it, watching it floating to the ground flying from the bus, was a priceless idea.
but i didnt.
URGH what is wrong with me, just think normal thoughts freak !!
and i've thought the same thing " just think normal thoughts freak !! "
and they went away for the most part, but i know what it's like.
but that fact leaves me with the worst quality of care
mental health help is a postcode lottery
its not a uniformed system
and my area is seriously lacking and cant get help
from any other team because im not eligible for their help when
im assigned a certain team in my county.
is this stuff more serious that i thought then in my post above ? x
i love sunglasses, and i really don't have a lot of money, i usually go to the goodwill for most things (used clothes) and i get a pair or two of "better" shoes and some jeans that are "better," and maybe a nice belt.
that helps so everything doesn't look like it costs $1-- so needless to say the sunglasses were kind of 'important' to my look.
tossed out the window, because i was sick of material things.
i put a shining beauty of a snowboard into the bin once, because i didn't want to be reminded of a guy who gave it to me, put a surfboard and my c.d. player out on the curb for the same reason...
i've done dumb shit and thrown money away.
once i mailed a gold with diamonds necklace and earrings to a "psychic" to have them "cleansed" and never saw them again...
that was back in the days where my erratic actions were coupled with naivete and some other eclectic notions.
anyway, nice imagery with the money flying out the window.
an a.p. would help.
"the haze of impulsiveness" shows action tho and that is what has me concerned for you..
yeah im very impulsive lately,
going places, spending money and taking things i shouldnt.
I've had intrusive thoughts from time to time but never any compulsion to act on them. They can sure be disturbing.
When you say "taking things I shouldn't" does that mean shoplifting or ingesting? Just wondering.
Nala~~ You literally threw away your rose-colored glasses. :)
I've also had darker thoughts that range from punching some random guy in the face because I suddenly thought he looked like a jerk (I didn't know the guy) to thinking about doing things to hurt myself.
I wish I could say that I've never acted on any of my irrational thoughts but I have. I've found the best way to battle those things is to talk to someone about them. Since you already know while you are having the thoughts that you don't want them, if you have someone you can call or have the opportunity to post on here (or message someone on here), I think that will do wonders.
I know you said you haven't found a doc yet but please don't stop looking. Finding one and having medication does help(once they can find what works for you). For a long time, I said NO DOCTORS and tried to use the sheer for of my indomitable will to fight anything and everything without accepting help or medication. I thought it was working until I finally realized that I was really just getting worse and I had refused to admit it to myself.
I just want you to know, I'm here....