Bipolar Disorder Support Group

Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.

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Why Was I Not On Meds? Venting

iam30113
iam30113
I'm not saying meds are the end all to our issues but I've heard soooo many people giving thanks to their cocktail for helping them live a better, more stable life and I have to wonder why I was never really put on meds? I was diagnosed with cyclothymia, borderline PD, schizotypal PD, anxiety and psychosis. I'm sorry but that to me sounds like someone who needs to do more than just talk. God bless my pdoc but I have very little faith in her. I don't even look forward to our appts cos they feel more like a lecture. She just basically says I need to try harder and that pills aren't some magical potion that will make everything better. Guess psych meds are more like vitamins than painkillers. I know they won't just turn me into a normie but I'm sure they'd make the struggle a little easier. I almost died, he depression was so bad. The psychosis got so bad i almost failed an exam. I freaking depersonalized in the middle of a major exam. Wanna know what she called that? Just an 'iam' thing. Yeah. I was very briefly on benzos and I told her I think they made me a little high. She told me that's just my personality. We tired an AD and when I told her they made me really nauseous she just said to stop taking them not let's try something else but let's just stop for a month. explained to her the depression is so bad it's affecting work and school. She said to find a system that worked for me like getting pass papers and going through them and reading along with the class when I can't leave the house to go to school. I have an appt with her on Monday and I don't even wanna talk about being pregnant with her cos I know she's gonna do the lecture type thing. Ugh. The sad thing is she's the only pdoc my health card covers so I have no choice but to see her or just not see one and honestly I don't think going without is any different. I don't feel like she's really helped me.
spacepony
spacepony
Omg, iam, that sounds worse than no help. From what you've written, she's advocating the bootstraps approach that can be harmful and ineffective to boot. Do you have a primary care doctor who can help you? I understand you're pregnant....does your insurance cover therapists? If you could find some dbt like help....

Sorry, I got into problem solving mode...anyways, you're right to question her. She sounds negligent. Warm hugs love
SensitiveHoboLady
SensitiveHoboLady
Sorry iam. Since there is nobody else you can see with your health card, can you go into the next appointment with your list of important points and firmly tell her: I need you to listen to me and rather than lecture me, work WITH me to find a solution. I know that may sound silly but it's worth a try. Sending you good thoughts.

I once had a pdoc tell me that pregnancy hormones could possibly take over some bipolar traits for the better. I hope you are feeling strong soon!
Community Leaderacuriousfish
acuriousfish
hi, that's a long list. Are they concurrent or were you given these at different times? Seems odd to have two personality disorders.

Normally if you had psychosis that would mean you were BP1 so I can only assume they thought the psychosis was coming from something else..drugs, hormonal, bereavement, fever, allergic reaction or something like that.

Odd that you got a diagnosis of psychosis as a standalone.

You said " The psychosis got so bad i almost failed an exam. I freaking depersonalized in the middle of a major exa
As a thought - I don't think depersonalisation is always psychosis - it comes with some of the personality disorders I think. Do you get hallucinations you think are real or obvious delusions?

I don't think you need to be on meds for cyclothemia, they help but I don't think they are also required.

The personality disorders would be therapy not meds.
iam30113
iam30113
Lol. Fish, you sound just like my pdoc re the therapy for the pds and no need for meds for the cyclo. Yeah, i have hallucinations and delusions and all those awesome stuff. My therapist had the centre book me for the earliest possible appt with the pdoc cos he was hoping to get me on some anti-pyschs. No go there. The psychosis wasn't caused by any of the stuff you listed so I'm not sure why it happens. They were given at different times but not as separate things, per se. Like as my docs and I got to explore my wonderful brain more these popped up. I'm itching to get my hands on my files to see all the other stuff recorded there. I also don't think I have two PDs cos that just sounds insane. Admittedly BPD was given by my pdoc and Schizotypal by my tdoc. until recently he totally disagreed with her on the BPD front but that seems to be changing. Maybe soon schizotypal will be erased from his notes and replaced by BPD. IDK.
@SP I don't have health insurance outside of school so I have to use the docs on campus and no primary care doc either.
@SH My tdoc said the same thing about my hormones maybe mellowing me out then I had a bit of a psychotic episode and he changed his tune.
Right now I don't want to be medicated because of the baby but I can't help wonder if things would have been different had I been on meds before, you know? I don't want to be the same person I was last year when my baby is born. I don't want him/her to think I'm irresponsible and unloving or cold and uncaring or see me as this violent person or watch me have break downs and sit in corners talking to people that aren't there. I know that no matter what treatment plan I'm on there will be moments that my disorder(s) will take over but I want that to be as infrequent as possible. I just want to be better than the person I was.
undeadparagon
undeadparagon
My girlfriend doesn't have bipolar disorder, and she was prescribed an anticonvulsant mood stabilizer. She's way less hormonal when she's on them. She doesn't have mood swings so much as frequent "strong" specific negative emotions.

Therapy as in talking does not help BPD, it reinforces it. There's a lot of evidence showing that CBT helps a lot, and theoretically it would discipline your disorder.
iam30113
iam30113
I'm in a bit of a 'there's no hope' mood so I'm a little on the negative side today. I don't feel like anything I'm doing is working. Know what, I feel that way on the good days too cos I just feel like the good days are all part of the roller coaster, not proof that anything is working or that I'm getting better.
undeadparagon
undeadparagon
What you just said is characteristic of borderline personality disorder, which can be theoretically treated by challenging your cognitive behavioral patterns. Maybe by doing a hobby, when you feel like talking, or by forcing yourself to focus on what you're staring at, when you start to let out the last straw.
dobiedots
dobiedots
iam....I'm so sorry about your predicament. I hope there is a way out and you can get some meds.
iam30113
iam30113
@Undead, I'm not sure I understand what you're saying...

Thanks Dobs.
undeadparagon
undeadparagon
I was saying that people with borderline personality disorder don't want what they need, because it's the opposite of what they feel compelled to think. Not talking or thinking about your problems, that is. Yes, it does feel like you're trapped in a battle of who you should trust, but who are you really trusting, your thoughts or your emotions/rationalizations?

I think I got lost, wandering into here. Rep, well.
iam30113
iam30113
Lol. That's ok. I understand now. I dunno who I'm trusting or who I should trust.
DoorMAwss
DoorMAwss
quite a while ago, curiousfish made a comment (at least I Think it was you, fish) that was something like

To better understand the (manic/psychotic) bipolar mind, imagine handing someone a bottle of whiskey and telling them to Drink All of it. Then, 15 minutes later, demand that they Act Sober.


It's a very telling statement, and quite true, in those moments. Emjae, it has Really pained me over the months to hear of your visits to the pdoc and therapist when they handed you benzodiazepines like Candy but Never offered you a mood stabilizer, or an anti-psychotic.

Because you have shown signs that say to Me, that you need them, the whole way. (and I say that as One fruit-loop to another - I love you and you Know it, right?)

I wondered if it was common in Jamaica for psychiatrists to avoid the actual Problem. I mean, geez - Really? Over here, several mood stabilizers are Definitely cheaper to afford, than the benzo's. (even though the benzo's are not expensive).

So what's the deal over there? A mindset? *slaps at doctor*

I wish we Could do something more, but we'll just love you from over Here, and be glad you have DS to vent to.

HUGS.

Me
Community Leaderacuriousfish
acuriousfish
actually that was me, some days I talk sense.

today isn't one of them
iam30113
iam30113
@MA, I was actually complaining to my tdoc about that yesterday and he says he agrees that it's a cultural thing to avoid meds as much as possible even for physical illness. He wants me on a cocktail but the pdoc has the last say and she's against meds. I think that's total bullshit. There's being responsible when prescribing stuff and then there's just being tight fisted. My tdoc told me of other doctors who would be more likely to prescribe meds but I couldn't afford them and until recently my mum didn't know so I couldn't ask for money for that. My bf has had an issue since high school that could easily be solved by a minor surgery and he's just now getting to do it when the problem has got so much worse. It's a cultural thing where our docs think we're superhuman so we can remedy ourselves with little assistance from modern medicine.
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