Hi, welcome and thank you for your service, it's very much appreciated. My oldest son is a FireFighter and now in Reserves in the Army National Guard.

You've got a lot going on...I imagine your Pdoc (Psychiatrist) is from the VA....sometimes that can be a not great thing, as they are frequently overworked and understaffed, leading to hasty or incorrect DX's. You've listed several DX's that people don't normally have together, because they cancel each other out, or are encompassed within each other. For example, someone with BiPolar Disorder would rarely be Diagnosed with Chronic Depression, as Chronic Depression is one of the Poles of BiPolar Disorder, the other Pole being Mania or Hypomania....

The same can be said for Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and BiPolar Disorder....one is often misdiagnosed for the other, but they aren't frequently Diagnosed together. Anxiety can be a symptom of BiPolar, BPD and PTSD, so again another Diagnosis whose symptoms can be canceled out as its probably a symptom of one of your other Diagnosis'.

I've been BiPolar for 30 years, heavy on the Suicidal Depression, with Manic Eps. twice a year minimum. It took 3 months of ECT (Electroconvulsive Therapy) in 2010 to finally get my Depression issues under control and to a long term stable point, where meds where effective. I had become medication resistant. Not to say my BiPolar was never controllable, it has been, I've had bouts of long term stability interlaced with 5 suicide attempts/Inpatient Psych stays over a 21 year period. I was married for 25 years, I've raised 2 sons, I have 3 Degrees, one of which is a Ph.d in Psychology. Life is possible with BiPolar, but it takes a lot of work.

I would say the first step for you is to get your Diagnosis straightened out, because the odds of you actually having PTSD, BiPolar, Anxiety and BPD are incredibly high. The problem with just accepting what a Pdoc tells you and not questioning the possibility of it not being correct is being put on too many medications that cause more problems than they do solutions. The meds for BiPolar and BPD are pretty much the same. Depending on what type of BiPolar you have some meds like Anti-depressants can cause more harm than good. Being over-medicated with Benzo's for Anxiety, Anti-depressants and too many Mood Stabilizing types of meds can cause your symptoms to be worse. So making sure that you have the correct DX is a big deal. Sometimes that takes going to a different Pdoc and getting a 2nd opinion. From what you describe I would almost bet your DX would be PTSD and BiPolar II, which is heavy on the Depression and can be hard to treat because Anti-Depressants can cause Manic Eps. Anxiety is a known symptom of PTSD and can also be a symptom of Bi-Polar.

So, yeah I just threw a ton of information at you, sorry....I don't know what meds you take, I just kind of read between the line of what you say. If you have any questions feel free to ask, you can message me if you want. Honestly though, I wouldn't just sit back and accept all the Diagnosis that your Pdoc is trying to give you, because they just don't make Diagnostic or Clinical sense....and with all those labels the odds of you being over-medicated to a point of it being more harmful than helpful are pretty high.

Regardless, getting a good Treatment Plan going for your Mental Health is key: The right Medication Cocktail, a good Therapist, learning Coping Skills to deal with your daily symptoms....these are the things that get you to a point of stability and being able to live life. Joining groups to make your GF happy when you're not able to deal with that yet, is not a good idea. You first have to get to a point where your able to be in those social settings, otherwise you're just setting yourself up to fail. Once you get a good DX, it might be a good idea to have your GF go to a Therapy Session with you, so she can understand that with these illnesses, i.e. PTSD alone, you can't just turn your mind off and make it not react negatively in stressful situations. Your brain has to be retrained with new positive learned behaviors, new coping skills, so that you can be okay in those situations. Once your meds are correct and working, then you can focus on learning coping skills.

Its all a process and it takes time, unfortunately its not something you can rush, you have to accept that.

Take care,

Kat

Welcome to the board Ric...… I am so sorry that you're going through so much

I think OldeC has given you some really good advise

Are you able to get a psychiatrist outside of the VA??…. I think that maybe your meds should be reviewed as well as your diagnosis

As Older wrote.... Depression is a pole of bipolar..... PTSD is an anxiety disorder

Are you seeing a therapist Ric?

If you have PTSD from being in a war zone.... I would try and get into a RL peer support group..... Talking with people who truly get where you're coming from can help a great deal

This is a good site.... I'm glad that you've found us..... Big hug.....xo

I just wanted to add that if you're putting your gun to your head Ric.... You really should get rid of the gun or have someone trusted keep it for you

You don't need to have it anywhere close right now.... xo

Definitely agree on the gun thing...I thought I mentioned that, but forgot. If you're not active duty where you have to have to keep and maintain a weapon, at this point in time you should not have a weapon. I'm almost positive your Pdoc has brought that up.

As a registered gun owner myself, back when I was very unstable my Pdoc brought it up on a weekly basis, even though guns were never a trigger for me nor where they anywhere close to my modality of suicidal ideation. I had a husband back then and he kept the keys to the gun safe.

Its not generally a good idea for a male with severe depression to have a gun. Unfortunately statistics are rarely incorrect.

My son dealt with pretty severe depression for a while and his gun became my property very quickly.

I am sorry you are going through this, besides your therapist is there anyone else you can talk to ? a friend, sibling, or your church pastor?. If you ever do find yourself in crisis please call for help either 911 or National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255, there is also a Crisis Text Line at 741741 . Please if you feel there is no hope reach out. We are loosing too many of our Hero's both Veterans and First Responders at their own hands. . Don't think for a second that there aren't people out here on our knees praying for you guys for what you have sacrificed both physically and mentally. Thank you for your service , and I have your six,