I need help... to start, I've been diagnosed with PTSD, Chronic Depression, Anxiety, Bipolar & lastly in process of determining whether I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I'm service connected & lately been seeing my social worker once a week. I'll also be seeing my psychiatrist once a month. I'm on so many meds that I don't know what works or what doesn't.
In the past year I've checked myself in for 72hr evaluation. Recently, I put my gun to my head... (I threw an unnecessary temper tantrum) My mood swings are destroying my relationship with my girlfriend. I say I'm gonna do something then don't do it. I have no want to do anything at all throughout my day. She wants me to get out & meet people. We went to the American Legion for st. Patrick's day & yes I... we had a great time. We discussed me joining the Legion to make friends & do something meaningful with my time. It's been almost a month now & I kept thinking about the Legion coming up with reasons why not to join. My biggest reasons are that I don't want to bury anymore of our brothers & sisters. I've seen too much death & it kills me to think about burying anyone else. Second, I really do not want to do any parades. The crowds make me super uneasy. The only reason I could think of as positive is cheaper beer. That's not a good enough reason... infact, that's the wrong reason to join the legion. This is a cycle, once or twice a month I become mean & intolerable to others. There's much more that I've done hurting those around emotionally. I don't know what else to do short of joining the legion as my girlfriend wants me to do. I don't want to do it just because she wants me to. I want to want it. Am I afraid to? Yes & i don't know why.
Please... I don't want to lose her. I need help.
Edit: she's pregnant with our baby. She told me she's not keeping it as I can't be trusted. I can't blame her a bit. I want so badly to have this baby with her.
My EAP suggested I come to this site to find support, since there don't seem to be any Women's Groups in my area. So please bear with me, this is kind of my introduction post...My husband suffers from bipolar 1, childhood based PTSD and ADD. We've been together since 2005 after he helped pull me out of a different toxic relationship. Before we were married in 2013, I helped him get access to...