Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
I read Otters post about when would you go back and it got me thinking. I have so many challenges in my life right now (abused kids, marriage problems, finance & my dad dying last July) and sometimes I get to the point where I just don't know which way to turn, what to do or how to do it. I sometimes think I know and then it turns out that what I thought was right, wasn't. The most recent of course as many who know me know is my wife of almost 10 years telling me she doesnt know how much longer she can or wants to deal with my emotionsl issues. WOW!! Talk about a major blow!! I ask her what she needs, how can I be better for her, and she can't even answer me. SHE DOESN'T KNOW!! I thought of this because when would I go back?? I thought about it and I would go back to a time when I was single and depressed most days because I was alone, but at least I knew how I was going to be. I would go back to the first time I made love to the woman who was my first real relationship, I would go back to the 10 days I spent touring through Scotland with one of my girlfriends. I want truly the love of my wife to be restored, to look into her eyes and see the undying love, the passion, to have the woman I feel in love with back......I love you Maureen!! Anybody know what I mean??
Would love to go back to the simple infatuated first loving times with my husband, too. But it just so many decades ago. We've been through so many ups and downs and circles and rounds and spirals...but will celebrate our 35th anniversary the end of the summer. Been close to losing each other at times...actually long spaces at times and kids make it hard and other things got in the way. My illness not being diagnosed until a few years ago didn't help either. But call it stubbornes or whatever, we don't yell or that stuff, we huff and go on silence which can be worse but eliminates saying things we can't take back.
Finances are the hardest thing but finally found having allowances like kids the best method so share after the bills are paid so no one has to feel like they have to beg for a $ here or there or explain why they need that dollar for a candy bar or whatever so we both feel like adults. Just went over this topic in DBSA group of if over your head with bills meeting maybe with financial counselor for free like Catholic Charities, etc and getting on budget to get out of debt and following a set budget to stay within your means. No matter what your income level, even major corporations need a budget and need to do this. The allowance thing for separate funds is what has worked for us as the independence and NOT feeling like an inferior child is what I need as I no longer can work and am on disability.
Sounds like you really love this woman, and need to tell her that and make it work if possible. Not one human can turn back the clock. So many things I'd never want to redo...childbirth, learning of hard lessons...just push forward as you can.
Know the past is only good for sweet memories and knowledge you can use for the future. The future is just that-not something you can do anything about either except plan ahead for. Just dealing with the present moment is what each of us has. Be it getting sleep for the fresh start tomorrow, setting short and long term goals for a better tomorrow and those that follow or just enjoying what is going on now. Easier said than done, but I've found with bipolar in particular that knowledge, rest, my meds and treatment plan, and having daily, weekly, monthly, yearly and long term goals I function better. Yeah, still have those down days when can barely get my teeth brushed but fewer of them this time of year than winter. More sun means less depression for me. Have to be more watchful for mania this time of year. But watching is part of my treatment plan.
So, ramble as always, but hope this is helpful. I try to be of help as that is what keeps me going. One of my lifetime goals is to help others. Bless you and be on your way to success. Tell her you love her...that can never hurt I don't think.