Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
I feel I need to explain what is happening to me. About 3½ yrs ago, my husband passed away from cancer. He was my 2nd husband. I will get back to him later in the post.
My son's grandma(1st husband's mom) invited us to share her apartment after my husband passed away. That's where we live now. I intended for my son and I to move again but the thought of moving freaks me out. I start to look for apts on the Internet and my anxieties go through the roof. I did manage to apply for low income housing in a couple counties but the wait list are very long. We might be able to find a cheap apt.
I think the reason I am so afraid of moving is how badly that move from our house(rental) went. My In-laws didn't seem to to like me very much. When he was in hospice care in our home, they would come over everyday to be with him. There was a couple of snide comments made at my expense but mostly they ignored me.
He flakey, younger son and the son's wife had to move in with us because the son got in trouble with the law and had to where a monitoring bracelet in the county we live in. They kept talking about having a garage sale for the stuff, etc.
The day after my husband passed away, none of his family came over or called. Not even to see if I we all right.
After a few days, the son came to pick up something and left. A couple weeks before I was to move out I figured they weren't coming back. I had to most of the packing myself except for furniture. I sold most of the furniture. My late husband was a pack rat. Lots of old paperwork and clothes. One his brother's took a bunch of stuff to the dump but he had me reimburse him after the fact. I didn't have much money because the son stole what was left in his bank account and stole the money from SSA for my son. He let his son use the bank card and gave him the code. This caused my rent check to bounce.
This was happening in June so it was hot and hard work.
The combined trauma of losing my husband, being ignored and stolen from by his relatives. My family did help me move stuff to the apartment.
Here's what triggered me today. My son's grandma has a lot of health issues. She tells me today that heart is getting worse. Of course I am asking her questions about this for one , "How much longer does she think she will last?" She she would like to until Christmas or New Years. I get scared and cry. She tells me not to worry and I try explain myself. She leaves to run her errands and I got into panic mode.
There are many things in this story that are triggers.
I know need help. I'm not sure who to go to. A psychiatrist would be a good start.
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Hey all, i know its been quite awhile since i posted on here. Its been a summer all right. Its been something else........... You know how they say not to open the can of worms? Well a few months ago i decided to find out what my due date would have been for my first baby, the one conceived by r***. My baby would have been due on March 4th of 2006. They would be 20 years old. I was R**** on June...
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
First, I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband. I Hate Fucking Cancer! Your IL's no doubt were in their own little world of denial, and rather nastily used you as dump zone. I quite frankly don't understand what happens when a loved one dies...it's like all the pent up frustration, anger, confusion all comes pouring out at the most inappropriate of times...when people are stretched to their limit, and so need emotional support.
Big Priority, You! If you haven't the ability to see doctor now, ask around to friends,maybe they know someone good...If you haven't had a medical check up lately, that might be a good place to start. Please Do Get Yourself some help....what you are trying to deal with alone Is Too Much, and reaching out for help will empower you because you'll know you're not doing/going down uncertain paths alone.
Your Gran is Here Now, she is being Cared For By Her Doctors...try to focus on the positive of her doing all she can for her health. I'm so glad you at least have the support of your family and your Grand Mother. God knows, and we know how hard it is to raise an aspie with tantrums, anger, and triggers that go from 0 to 100 in a split second.. So between your Gran, and your son, and depression you do have options. First, get your son his SS, this will give you some income. Your son qualifies for services. Where you live, look up autism providers, therapists, doctors etc...they can help you move forward, then 'you won't be the bad guy' trying to get your son to move off the couch.
So take a deep breath, make yourself a list of what can be accomplished this weekend and what can be accomplished on Monday. One day at a time Jenn. God gave you only two hands and two feet, go slow and along the way, be gentle with yourself...you are still grieving the loss of your husband, and so many other responsibilities. Prayers for peace and strength Jenn, you'll be ok. I'm so grateful you took the time to write out and share some of your burden, I hope you feel lighter. Maybe you could go over to the widow support group for added help...so it's 930, what can you give/do for yourself to help you have a restful night? We'll talk tomorrow :-)
I'm also very sorry that your grandmother is ill....I agree that you should get a psychiatric referral.... It will set you on a path of getting good help for yourself..... Big hug and a blessing.....xo
The hard part of life is that we constantly have to confront things we would rather not and that seems to happen for all of us and it's a right old drag. It sounds like you need to come up with a housing plan A and B and C just in case. I have also felt very dis-empowered by life and by depression and that made me a sitting duck in a variety of ways. It took me forever to make up my mind and act when other people probably would have acted a lot sooner. It also made me a victim to the strong willed, and those wanting to "con" me.
Housing is a big issue and nothing to fool around with you have done the right thing getting on a lot of lists for low-income housing. Can you get your name on the rental agreement so that if "grandma" has a health problem you can assume the apartment? Can you discuss this with her uncomfortable as it is?
Being faced with homelessness and having to handle where to put my stuff and how to deal with my son would put me over the edge too. That's a lot to deal with and I'm sorry you have to go through this but you need to get active and make some plans. Can you meet with a social worker in your area?