Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
Funny that I'm writing about this pretty late due to having trouble sleeping but I am trying at least. Recently, I've had some long periods of insomnia fueled by intense mania. Thoughts racing, body twitching.
I've gone off my meds a few times recently because I went into an episode and suddenly "realized" that I didn't want to take them anymore. I've been experiencing such horrendous depression lately that I just wanted to latch on to anything that would keep me from going back there. I felt the chains reaching up from the abyss to return me to their home in darkness and I though my meds were going to help them pull me down.
Sometimes, I forget my meds but not this time. Even after skipping two nights of sleep, I didn't want to come back down!!!! My senses were haywire. Sounds sounded different and my sense of touch was amped up to some imaginary level where the texture of my limbs felt different. I could feel my insides. I thought I could feel my insides functioning. I could feel my bones. I was hallucinating. Some of it was something I've only felt once before when I had a fever so high that I was hallucinating and lost touch with reality.
I finally came down after a brief moment of clarity where I convinced myself to take my meds. When I am manic, I WANT TO STAY THERE! I always realized the destructive nature of it before and after but during, I am just so glad that I am no longer in that dark place.
During a meeting with my counselor, she emphasized that I need to cut off the manic episodes just as much as the depressive ones and I agreed but secretly, honestly I somewhat enjoy my mania. I love the rush. I can do so much more. But it also means that when I crash, it will be worse like a car speeding up before hitting that wall. I....don't want to give up my highs....especially if I am only partially numbing the lows.
Sigh. Welcome back, Sleep, my old friend. I am back on my meds (well, most of them since the pharmacy screwed up one of my scripts) and ready to sink back into my 12 hour naps.
I've gone off my meds a few times recently because I went into an episode and suddenly "realized" that I didn't want to take them anymore. I've been experiencing such horrendous depression lately that I just wanted to latch on to anything that would keep me from going back there. I felt the chains reaching up from the abyss to return me to their home in darkness and I though my meds were going to help them pull me down.
Sometimes, I forget my meds but not this time. Even after skipping two nights of sleep, I didn't want to come back down!!!! My senses were haywire. Sounds sounded different and my sense of touch was amped up to some imaginary level where the texture of my limbs felt different. I could feel my insides. I thought I could feel my insides functioning. I could feel my bones. I was hallucinating. Some of it was something I've only felt once before when I had a fever so high that I was hallucinating and lost touch with reality.
I finally came down after a brief moment of clarity where I convinced myself to take my meds. When I am manic, I WANT TO STAY THERE! I always realized the destructive nature of it before and after but during, I am just so glad that I am no longer in that dark place.
During a meeting with my counselor, she emphasized that I need to cut off the manic episodes just as much as the depressive ones and I agreed but secretly, honestly I somewhat enjoy my mania. I love the rush. I can do so much more. But it also means that when I crash, it will be worse like a car speeding up before hitting that wall. I....don't want to give up my highs....especially if I am only partially numbing the lows.
Sigh. Welcome back, Sleep, my old friend. I am back on my meds (well, most of them since the pharmacy screwed up one of my scripts) and ready to sink back into my 12 hour naps.
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Some things we don't talk about, we breathe them... Some things cannot be explained, but rather experienced. Some of the most healing moments arise when given the memory, acknowledging the love.One cannot go back in time; we move forward, and we carry the love we shared. No one but ourselves has the power to do so, or the permission to do so, but ourselves.So live life with your faith and...
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I've been feeling like I don't matter my wife the other day instead of telling me she was having a pain day when I went to have sex with her she tell me afterwards that she having pain day due to her fribromyalgia and making feel like shit afterward saying she has a list of things from past 9 years of thing for me to do and is always adding more and more to this list and talk...
Being stable - lets us not go so low too, like you were told. On meds, for me - the swings are fewer and shorter, between meds - not over medicated, and coping skills - like even if I don't want to take my meds, that's the red flag - LOL I just typed this a few minutes ago on another thread...
I'm sitting her laughing not wanting to sleep - and realized, putting of taking my meds - one little thing I can control - I'm still typing to you - but I'm not shooting for fucking up on Sunday! LOL
My counselor repeatedly tells me I need to make myself do things. It makes me laugh. Oh how I would love to be able to do that. When fully embraced by apathy, how can I muster the willpower? My mindset is changed. My opinions are changed. Yet I am expected to act against these things? I don't know how.
How does one decide to like something that he dislikes or suddenly dislike something that he enjoys?
I hear you re the rush of riding the waves but there's something to be said for the peace of smelling to roses as well..
The highs are always going to be followed by the crash unfortunately.. And when crashing over and over and over again it would a lot out of you ... I hope you're able to stay on your meds sweetie for your peace of mind...x
glad you got a restful sleep. it always helps take the edges off.