I think the car wreck may have triggered all this stress to come forth like out of the Hoover Dam. Adrenalin does weird things, so you're probably just having a stress reaction. Be sure to track your moods. You sound really tough and DRIVEN so you've got this - five weeks? CAKE.

It's hard to juggle career with family so maybe take one item at a time. Get the career nailed down and stable then make baby plans. Or make baby plans and then think about career. It's okay to think of baby to keep you going, it's a positive. They're cute, they cuddle -- then they get older and really make a mess. :-)

But before all those plans - you really deserve a relaxing weekend!!!

sorry but I can't read it all like that. I have to have my paragraphs and spaces in between 'em.

Ill re post it with paragraphs if you want doorknob?

this is just the Same post just with Lots of spaces to help people read it better. So sorry for that everyone. Is it better?

So life has been really crazy for me lately. I've been working a lot of hours towards my internship through school and because of this I've had to put a stop to my social life. I'm taking 16 credits at school, volunteering (internship 32 hours and week) and trying to stay on top of homework as well as balance out my mental state and keep my marriage alive.

Well just to TOP things off I got into a car accident today on my way home from work (it was an 8,5 hour day). I'm so exhausted, I've gotten put onto a new med for my moods and anxiety so I'm in that 3 week waiting period and my teacher is not accommodating with helping me out and I'm having to wait another week and half until I see my counselor back up again. I am completely stressed out I feel like I'm losing control of myself and I don't know when I'll get myself back.

I've gotten to the point where I cant remember my friends last names...its sad. and now I'm in this huge phase where I'm desperately wanting to start a family, be a new mom and provide for my wife so I'm working my ass off to do what I need to do in order to do that, whether that's volunteering fulltime and going to school fulltime (I'm graduating with my B.S in Criminal Justice next month btw. I don't know if I mentioned that...that's why I'm taking 16 credits. Graduation June 16th) and forcing myself into manic phase to do it IDK.

All of my life I've wanted to just be a mom and I don't know if this sounds weird but at this point (and I know it's permanent) but some people really want a dog or a fish) but I secretly have ALWAYS wanted to baby and even though they are seriously stressful I think it would be so much of a comfort and an unconditional love for me that it would be a de-stressor for me knowing that I've become a new mommy.. My wife does know that I want to be a new mom, but I don't think she know that I have such a deep connection for it as an unconditional love that it would be a good thing for me to be a mom right now.

I've been so busy with school and everything that I've been trying to not even push her with the topic because I know we aren't financially ready and I know that she herself is dealing with a lot right now especially with her own emotions and feelings so I'm totally gonna wait it out and let her come to me when she feels like she's ready for that process to come and to start trying, because (without giving out her personal information without her consent here) she has had similar situation dealing with babies so I'm giving her I'll the time she needs.

Also we just found out that our friend is pregnant. It kinda makes me jealous, angry and happy all at the same time but I'm excited for her. I know my wife will come to me when she's good and ready. :) So that's my life right now. Very overwhelming. This evening (when I got into the car accident) I had horrible nightmares and couldn't sleep so I thought I would take 20-30 minutes and try to journal and let some energy and thoughts out.


My schedule this term though has drastically affected my bipolar because of being so busy and not being able to breathe or spend time with anyone. I miss my friends and family and sadly I still have 5 more weeks of this. I have drastically cut down my calories maybe 600 if that a day because of not having time to eat for one, second because of my E.D. and third because of my new med. for bipolar (I told my dr. that I wanted something to help me lose weight...while he doesn't know I have an E.D.) I know it's not the greatest kudos on my part but I really want to look my best for graduation.

So I guess my advice(s)/question(s) is do you think I'll last another 5 weeks? Does this sound like I'm going into a manic phase? Is it a bad thing or weird to have these feelings about desperately wanting to be a new mom? I look forward to any thoughts towards anything on this post and I apologize for the length of it. I've just had so much go on. Sorry guys....

I hope everyone enjoys the nice weather. :) Thanks for listening. Hugs.

Thank you Indigo70 for all your positive feedback. You make sense but my brain doesn't a lot of times. Thanks for that. And thanks for the friend request!! I'm trying super hard to keep up my energy level and not to kill my close friendships over "spilled milk". Keep me in your thoughts for the next 5 weeks. Ill need it.