I can't take it anymore! The pain, the worry, the fear, etc. I haven't really enjoyed life for a long time. My whole life has been difficult. I cruelly picked on all through school. My mother was severe alcholic so her and dad fought all the time. She drank herself to death in 1993. Many of my work experiences were disasters. I've been stabbed in the back by my people who I thought loved and cared for me. My son has ADHD and aspergers and is a huge handful. It is very stressful raising. It don't have the mental or physical strength to deal with him properly. His stepdad works 6 days a weeks so I'm alone alot. The thing that is pushing me over the edge is that my husband, who is the representative payee for my Social Security, has made a mistake with it. He was under the impression that they didn't his info. His pay has been basically the same for a long time except for when he was laid off but because he thinks Social Security doesn't want his info., He didn't report about getting unemployment or when he get hired at a new job. He gets paid about the same at his current job as he did his old job. Because of his assumption, 1 or both of us could get in trouble. I can't believe he did that.

I can't handle anymore crisis! I've been dealing with high stress most of my life and I'm tired. My brain is tired and so is my body. I very little motivation.

I don't want to hurt my family such as my son, husband, dad, brother and others. It is just that I take the pain and frustration of living anymore. My life is filled with huge disappointments and crushing failures and I doubt it will get any better. If I knew my life would turn out like this, I would of made sure I succeed in killing myself.

The world doesn't need me anymore. It has already beaten me up already. I can't go through anymore failures. Most of my life I've been living for other people doing what they wanted. I'm too afraid to keep living life just waiting for the next crisis. I'm tire of being alive.