Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
I think it is a mixed state. Or rather a mixed state, rapid cycling between hypomanic and depressed.
Yesterday I was bouncing off the walls at work, making everyone laugh. I couldnt stop talking and pacing around. I felt this buzzing throughout my whole body, like I get when manic. I was pretty euphoric. And the night before I was literally laying in my bed crying thinking about killing myself.
When I hold it all up to the light, it seems like theres a pattern. The first stop after stable is anxiety. This all consuming intense anxiety with intrusive obsessive thoughts that debilitate me. They take away everything. Then I get hopeless and full of despair. Sometimes I have panic attacks it's so intense. But all of that leads to a mixed state that for me is absolute hell. Or the terrible anxiety/panic attacks ARE a mixed state or maybe the one leads to the other? But it's this sense of urgent and impending doom. It's not being able to ever be at peace. Mind racing with horrible things. I feel like I'm dying or at the very least seriously losing my mind. Then it's like the mixed state can go either way, hypomanic or depressed. I've never made it all the way back to true manic since the first episode last summer.
Does this make sense to anyone? Would this be rapid cycling?
My pdoc cancelled my appt yesterday, now I have to wait 5 more days to see him. But I think I definitely need a med change. Mixed states are basically a form of mania, right? All of this skirting around mania worries me.
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
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...and another day closer to Fall! Tra la la la la...Next month there is a Sasquatch Festival in my city! We're excited to go and get our picture taken with Bigfoot. Really!Have a great day, everyone -
I dont have a therapist. )-:
When you see your Pdoc make sure and explain about the pattern and how you're feeling, she may be able to give you a good PRN med to handle the increased Anxiety/Panic Attacks that you have during this time.