im so depressed that I can barely function, yet I am forced to be in a "receptionist" position where I have to put on a FAKE smile 8 hours a day. I a. On the verge of a breakdown, but I can't because I will not get paid, won't be able to live in my apartment. I will be homeless. So I will just silently implode. I pray every morning that this will be the day that someone broadsides me while I'm driving...or that a swift heart attack takes me out. I am so mentally exhausted that I am not swimming laps everyday like I was. My psychiatrist knows how bad things are yet can't see me until September 5th. I wish there were some kind of group home for people like me where I could stabilize. But there is nothing. I just keep floundering. I am not sure whether to laugh or cry. I guess I will go to bed soon so that I can get up at 6:00 and plaster a fake smile on my face for 8 hours.
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