Bipolar Disorder Support Group

Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.

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TC40 08/26/2015

im so depressed that I can barely function, yet I am forced to be in a "receptionist" position where I have to put on a FAKE smile 8 hours a day. I a. On the verge of a breakdown, but I can't because I will not get paid, won't be able to live in my apartment. I will be homeless. So I will just silently implode. I pray every morning that this will be the day that someone broadsides me while I'm driving...or that a swift heart attack takes me out. I am so mentally exhausted that I am not swimming laps everyday like I was. My psychiatrist knows how bad things are yet can't see me until September 5th. I wish there were some kind of group home for people like me where I could stabilize. But there is nothing. I just keep floundering. I am not sure whether to laugh or cry. I guess I will go to bed soon so that I can get up at 6:00 and plaster a fake smile on my face for 8 hours.

sadiegirl13 08/26/2015

I can relate with having to just get through work every day for the money. I know how difficult that can be. I'm sorry that your pdoc can't see you sooner.... I would imagine it feels like you're not a priority? But you are very much valued, and I hope you will be ok until the 5th. If not, I hope you will seek emergency care. I like seeing you around here. ((hugs))

SunCloudJD 08/26/2015

There are inpatient treatment centres in your state TC... If you need to please go to emerg and tell them how bad things are... If you lose your apt there will be another... A social worker can help to get you settled and in the meantime you can hopefully find stability... Big hug for you and a blessing....x

Redsgal21 08/26/2015

You are always so supportive to others on here even though you're struggling so much. I think you are a really strong person for being able to go to work everyday. If you don't have the strength to swim can you maybe go for short walks instead? I wish I had better advice for you. I hope you can get some answers when you see your p doc. HUGS.

oldcper 08/27/2015

Sometimes when you are the one who takes care of and pays for you...all you can do is 'Fake it till you make it" and pray that your meds get to the right combo soon. A good Pdoc should have "emergency" spots built into their schedules each week, so patients don't have to suffer for weeks....you might consider finding a better Pdoc.

chris138 08/27/2015

I can totally relate. I once had high hopes. College degree, certificates...etc.. I am now a humble paid third shift security guard.

I was wishing for a swift heart attack too. I sometimes still do. But, I kinda mentally adjusted myself. I had worse jobs, and I worked with worse people. That's what "righted my ship".

But being a receptionist for me would be hard. Being the center of a conversation with people you did not know. Hang in there. A crappy job is no reason to throw the towel in on your life.

Personally I became settled at my job situation. Its some money coming in.

I sincerly hope you find something you like to do. As everyone probally would wish for.

Nester4U 08/27/2015

Maybe actively looking for another job would help you out mentally. Even apply for things you think you're not qualified to do will maybe give you some sense of control that you are taking steps to get out of your situation and realize that it's not forever and not the only job out there. Hang in there TC. BIG HUGS!!

spacekat 08/27/2015

I think Nester has a great idea! Applying for other positions could at least get your mind out of your current situation.

Sept. 5th isn't too far away: nine days! Is there a community center where you live that provides respite care?

Faking it til you're making it isn't a bad idea. In fact, it can actually make you feel BETTER! Smiling muscles in contraction make your brain think you're happy!! So SMILE! Even if you're faking it - it really does work.

I'm so sorry you're so depressed. Maybe trying to swim again would help?

Can you call your pdoc and tell him/her how desperate you are right now - maybe he can see you sooner!

My thoughts are with you. Smile, just try it.

rosiestorm 08/27/2015

I remember when I worked 9-5 and had the same thing. Would go into work, put my fake smile on, drag my ass all day, then go home and crash and just do it all over again the next day.

It becomes intolerable, and I ended up in the hospital. Is there any way that you can take some time off?

(((big hugs)))

theatrediva 08/27/2015

Yes the whole 8 hour work day 5 days a week does get tiresome and manotinous. I think the only thing that keeps me going is that in between all the calls I take I get to talk to you guys and watch netflix.

TC I hope you can find a position that doesnt involve you having to deal with people directly all day. I know how hard that is especially when you feel like shit. Hugs TC.

maitray2 08/27/2015

Where I live currently there I is what is called respite house or something, it is a place to go and get it together without actually being in a hospital. Or maybe someting like a day hospital would be helpful??

TC40 08/27/2015

Ty guys. I'm on my lunch hour and ready all of your supportive messages. I don't have access to many providers where I live because there are very few. I am putting resumes out there. I just so tired. I got to work this am and my coworker said "how are you" and I told her I was tired to which her response was "you say that every day". I wanted to tell her to F**** off.

got2breal 08/28/2015

You can't get into your doc sooner. Sounds like you need a med tweek. Now a days we don't have to be so depressed with all the anti-depressants and mood stabilizers out there.

Desigol1979 08/28/2015

There, for the grace of God, go I!

olenka1 08/28/2015

Is there any way you can have a time out from working ? I don't know how things work where you are. I work in retail & face the public for 39 hours a week & sometimes do over time. I guess I'm lucky because if I need time off sick I get full sick pay & I have a liaison officer who comes in to see me at work. I have a great support system which helps me. Most of my work colleagues know about my bp & they help me a lot at times. Sometimes my colleagues get me through the day. I have done the fake smile & happy hat thing before but it doesn't last for long until I just go batshit. I hope things get better for you.

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