Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
My mom just gave up on me, she doesn't known how else to handle me when I'm in this state. I feel strong anger and anxiety and pain and misery with that feeling I feel like I want to hurt myself. I've been having flashbacks of all the times I got raped and I think that's what's fueling this rage. I've been putting myself down in every way today and yesterday. I am depressed. This morning it was so bad I couldn't get myself to move. I called my brother as my mom suggested and we could only talk for five minutes but he told me to exercise and take long deep breathes. When I hung up the phone I was still immobilized with negative thoughts. I took a hot shower and felt ok again. I went to the park with my mom to meet my perfect sister and her little family. I brought my slr digital and took pics. I ended up taking pictures of her and she told me she could use those...she is trying to put a portfolio together because she wants to be a model. Great. She took pictures of me too and my mom all posing. Then my mom and I went out to ray in Newport. We picked a burrito place on broadway and I felt fine. However when I hot out of the car the anxiety started. And rage. I have a lot of bad history on this street. This is where the rapist lured me in late one night when I was manic. Many more however maybe not so significant bad times have happened on this street for me. The restaurant we were going to is a place I used to work but I got fired within days because the Guatemalan cook found my cell phone number in my bosses paperwork and called me to ask me out. That's why she fired me because I was too much of an issue for her. Anyway I couldn't eat because I was so consumed with fear and anxiety so we took it hone. We drove home in silence. At home she gave me a suggestion I didn't want to do and she said she's done with me. So here I am feeling very low about myself squashing all my dreams and belittling myself. Im just so angry. I thought to myself - I have absolutely no one I can talk to about any of this, about his I'm feeling. Then I thought of you guys. So maybe you'll read this and have something to say or maybe not. Can't hurt to try
There are definitely things that trigger me and will either bring out rage or depression. Your mother and you should have not decided to have lunch at a place with bad memories. You set yourself up for a anxiety attack and you need to remember some things you do have control over so you do not trigger bad memories.
One of my triggers is that I will not ever watch Law & Order SVU because it always deals with some kind of sexual or physical abuse which I have experienced in the past. I try to stay away from places that I associate with these past abuses. I have learned this the hard way believe me.
I hope you feel better and be gentle with yourself, remember you were the victim.
Now this is a long reply, lol
Hugs
I have been molested and raped and I know about the flashbacks and the anxiety and all that. I do the techniques your brother told you to do and other things to distract myself, but I am also able to call my therapist and get in right away.
I am here if you would like to talk, just message me.
HUGS to you hun. I am so sorry. And mother is a Huge issue for me too.
Thanks for your input, I get freak out when I even think of sex, TV makes me feel very uncomfortable if there is a sex scene in any way.
My current view of how this stuff works is we give it the power to hurt us. It is definitely real, the fear and anger is huge. But when you think about it, all that bad stuff is coming out of our own heads.
When I was about 12, I fell out of a tree. I was falling backwards and have very vivid memories of the branches going by. It seeemed like it took forever to hit the ground. Surprisingly, it didn't kill me. I wasn't even seriously hurt. But I did get a horrible fear of heights.
My fear got so bad I couldn't be in an elevator. I couldn't stand on a chair to get something. I went to Crater Lake in Oregon and couldn't look at the crater while standing on the road.
So, I found a 2013 year-old flight instructor and enrolled in flight school. I told this bastard I was scared of heights so the first thing he did was take me up to 9000 feet, let go of the controls, and say "your airplane". I came as close to a heart attack as I've ever been. But I stuck with it. I took lessons for a year while scared to death on every flight. But I soloed, and I got my pilot's license. The fear of heights just wasn't there one day.
What I think is that we need to dive into things that cause strong emotions in us. The more we hide, the more powerful they get.
My cut is get someone you are comfortable and safe with. Get your brother and three of his friends. Go back to this street. Walk around it. Rewalk the steps you took when attacked. Go in the day. Go ten times. Then go at night. Eventually, you will see that it is just a street.
I am in a very bad state right now. I don't know what to do. I think my anger has manifested itself into nausea or something I feel acid in my stomach and I don't see myself sleeping tonight. I've been contemplating texting this guy I broke up with because I didn't think I should be in a relationship right now but he was my best friend and I need him now but I can't do that to him.
I feel like I'm having a mild but constant panic attack my face is always in a state of worry. I feel so low about myself I just keep putting myself down. Sadly and pathetically I wish I had a boyfriend right now so he could comfort me and make me feel somewhat ok but see that's a weak thought too.
In my journal I wrote some deeply sad and angered thoughts down and then I wrote I need to lose at least 15 pounds as if that would make me feel better about myself. I'm just so hard on myself and right now it's raining hate over my head. It just won't end that's my problem right now. I need a break I need to put my head above water.
I feel so alone.
I would suggest looking at something called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). There are some good books on it including work-books if you can't afford a therapist or aren't comfortable with one. A live support group might also be of help.
There is some good research that says the key to getting over this stuff is to get it out of the dark parts of your psyche and shine light on to it.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/...
http://www.annualreviews.org/doi/ab...
http://www.annualreviews.org/doi/ab...