Bipolar Disorder Support Group

Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.

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iam30113 11/30/2014

I think a while back I made a post about how my sex drive disappeared and I was now finding even the thought of sex repulsive. Well my bf came over yesterday and we were just hanging out until the hormones took over and we started making out. Well one thing led to another and we had sex. Now I thought- hey I'm all better now... Not so at all. We started making out again and I felt so sick. I was trying to go with it but I couldn't ignore it, I couldn't block out the way I felt and I started panicking until I eventually pushed him off. It was pretty scary. He, surprisingly, didn't flip out and instead tried to cuddle and stuff- even that took real effort on my part. After he left this morning we were talking about what happened and I realized I was already starting to forget the details. My mind was just erasing it or blocking it or burying it. I spent the better part of today sitting in a corner on my unmade bed crying my eyes out and trying to drown out the voices that were trying to convince me to cut. I don't care what anyone-including my doctors, says about this, it is NOT HEALTHY what my mind is doing. I can't keep freaking forgetting stuff. That isn't normal or healthy or safe. If this is how I'm gonna start dealing with upsetting or traumatic experiences then I'm screwed because life is upsetting and traumatic- that's half the point of it. It's driving me bat shit crazy right now because now I'm even more concerned that I don't know what my mind has blocked or erased. It's terri-freaking-fying. Can anyone see how this isn't ok???

irishwriter 11/30/2014

it is ok to feel or think whatever you're feeling or thinking. you do need to get to the bottom of why it is happening and that sounds quite difficult if you keep forgetting the details. talk to your pdoc. maybe hypnosis might help or deep relaxation therapy to help you confront your fears and see what they stem from. I wish you luck in chasing this particular demon. it is not easy but we are all here for you and will support you whenever you need it. big fat hugs.

sadiegirl13 11/30/2014

Here's my honest 2 cents: if you're not feeling up for sex, don't push it. There are consequences for you in the long run if you do. Your bf is going to have to learn how to be patient. Best wishes to you dear, really. xoxo

iam30113 11/30/2014

He's being pretty patient and understanding. More so than I'm being with myself. I'm just frustrated.

joneszy93 11/30/2014

My advice to you would be to be honest with your boyfriend about how you're feeling, and believe me, I know that's very difficult. And if he really does care about you're feelings, he'll respect that. That's great that he was understanding and patient about it. And I know it's hard in the moment, but as soon as you start feel that uncomfortable feeling, stop and tell him. And I agree with Irish, it's ok to feel those emotions that you're feeling, but you should figure out what it is that's making you repulsed by sex. Best wishes to you

sadiegirl13 11/30/2014

I'm just saying that when he loses his patience, he's going to have to just deal with it. We can pm if you want to talk about it more at any point. Even if it's in 4 mos or something, just message me, k?

iam30113 11/30/2014

Thanks Sadie :-)

Desigol1979 11/30/2014

(((iam)))

Perhaps your BF is a Sex Addict, or even hypersexual.

I would love to have a partner I could shag, but the thought of actual intercourse repulses me as well. (I was abused as a boy and the only two times I had conscentual sex were simply incidents of 'Bump and Grind')

iam30113 11/30/2014

Lol. He's so far from it, trust me. I'm more of an addict than he is. I was abused too but it never affected my sex life before. And I've had plenty of consensual sex. Maybe too much. I guess something in me finally snapped and now I have to really deal with the abuse.

DoorMAwss 11/30/2014

somehow, it sounds to me like your mind is trying to have a breakthrough. Or to Not have one; I wish your doctors would be a Bit more 'in touch' about things, or paying better Attention to things....I really do.

It doesn't sound like it's just about the sex, somehow. It sounds like something Else, but how in the World will you find out what that is, and in a safe environment?

Huggggggggg -

:/

iam30113 12/01/2014

I spoke with my tdoc and he said we'd be discussing it next session because something significant happened. When I told him my bf had to remind me of the details he finally seemed concerned about the memory 'loss'.

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