Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
My mother said she wouldn't sit in the clinic with me today because there's a very small chance her caretaker might come by while we're gone. -.- And that if I want her to stay there with me, we'll have to go tomorrow morning.
This is the sliding-scale clinic, and almost everything is done via walk-ins. So I'm trying to get the motivation to go sit up there by myself at 8am today for probably an hour, to see if I can arrange a pdoc appointment for today or soon.
I'm out of all my meds and have been. I haven't taken my psychiatric medication in about a month.
My meds are as follows
-Gabapentin, 300mg 3x day
-Wellbutrin, 150mg 1x day
-Depakote, I don't know the dosage but I'm supposed to take it twice a day
-Vistaril 50mg prn
And I just kind of take them erratically.
And I had to get bloodwork done to check the levels of Depakote in my system before pdoc would refill anything for me, and I was supposed to call something like 10 days later and schedule an appointment with her.
And I just sort of never got around to doing that.
I really feel dispassionate about my treatment. It sounds terrible when I say it like this, but I just don't really give a shit anymore. /: Those meds didn't help me a hell of a lot, anyways.
But the thing is, I know I SHOULD care, and I know that I SHOULD try.
Because something is always better than nothing.
I just can't get the energy or the fucks to give, especially when my mother never wants to go to appointments with me for some damned reason or another.
But I have to care, because things don't change when no effort is applied to a situation.
It's like physics. Effort is energy, and intention is a vector quantity, it has a direction. You apply your endeavors in one direction, and hope for the best, since you can't account for the factors you can't control.
But I don't know how to make myself give a fuck about things again. Dx
So today, my only goal is to get myself down there so I can get the ball rolling, whether I walk away with all my scripts today, or have to come back for the appointment that I will have scheduled today.
*sigh* Things shouldn't feel this hard. It doesn't seem that hard, until you have to try and actually get it done.
This is the sliding-scale clinic, and almost everything is done via walk-ins. So I'm trying to get the motivation to go sit up there by myself at 8am today for probably an hour, to see if I can arrange a pdoc appointment for today or soon.
I'm out of all my meds and have been. I haven't taken my psychiatric medication in about a month.
My meds are as follows
-Gabapentin, 300mg 3x day
-Wellbutrin, 150mg 1x day
-Depakote, I don't know the dosage but I'm supposed to take it twice a day
-Vistaril 50mg prn
And I just kind of take them erratically.
And I had to get bloodwork done to check the levels of Depakote in my system before pdoc would refill anything for me, and I was supposed to call something like 10 days later and schedule an appointment with her.
And I just sort of never got around to doing that.
I really feel dispassionate about my treatment. It sounds terrible when I say it like this, but I just don't really give a shit anymore. /: Those meds didn't help me a hell of a lot, anyways.
But the thing is, I know I SHOULD care, and I know that I SHOULD try.
Because something is always better than nothing.
I just can't get the energy or the fucks to give, especially when my mother never wants to go to appointments with me for some damned reason or another.
But I have to care, because things don't change when no effort is applied to a situation.
It's like physics. Effort is energy, and intention is a vector quantity, it has a direction. You apply your endeavors in one direction, and hope for the best, since you can't account for the factors you can't control.
But I don't know how to make myself give a fuck about things again. Dx
So today, my only goal is to get myself down there so I can get the ball rolling, whether I walk away with all my scripts today, or have to come back for the appointment that I will have scheduled today.
*sigh* Things shouldn't feel this hard. It doesn't seem that hard, until you have to try and actually get it done.
You're 21! You can drive, you can buy alcohol,you can vote you can do THIS!! The pay-off will be worth it. It beats trying to manage on your own.I say give it a shot!
Nessie's idea about taking your phone would provide a great distraction.
Go to the clinic - play on your phone or read a book while you wait -it's the best option right now until you can get an appointment with a new pdoc. Good luck, sweetie. xoxo