Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
I feel like I'm at breaking point at the moment. How much longer can I be expected to 'cope'!
I go to Day Patients for my Anorexia 5 days a week (I was an inpatient about 2 months back for 4 months) and on Tuesday my thoughts about suicide were so strong I couldn't go home. I have to take the train home and all I kept seeing was images of me throwing myself under it or jumping in front of cars etc. Luckily they had a spare bed there and held me overnight.
Yesterday wasn't so bad, I just felt numb to everything so I wasn't really thinking about anything. Just feel veryhopeless about the future. But this morning I've got up and the thoughts are whirring around my head again and I just feel like screaming at the top of my lungs!
Everyone keeps telling me the only way I will learn to cope is to go through times like these. But my worry is...what is it...something like 1 in 10? DON'T get through it. They succeed in committing suicide. I have never actually tried because I wouldn't need to. As far as I'm concerned there is no 'try'. If I want to die...I will die and I would make sure of it. Most people who are saved from suicide attempts must have in some way, still wanted the chance to be saved. I know that wouldn't happen to me which is why I've never made any attempts on my life.
Suicide aside....knowing I can't do it, self harming is the next coping mechanism which is tempting me. Again, images just go through my head of me doing it etc... sometimes they are so bad they can make me feel quite sick and dizzy.
Well...anyway...I just needed to get these thoughts and feelings out. I don't know why because it doesn't take them away and you are all just people sitting on computers trying to help people the best you can. I guess I just don't want to feel so alone with these thoughts. I just want them to go away...
x-Bliss-x
I go to Day Patients for my Anorexia 5 days a week (I was an inpatient about 2 months back for 4 months) and on Tuesday my thoughts about suicide were so strong I couldn't go home. I have to take the train home and all I kept seeing was images of me throwing myself under it or jumping in front of cars etc. Luckily they had a spare bed there and held me overnight.
Yesterday wasn't so bad, I just felt numb to everything so I wasn't really thinking about anything. Just feel veryhopeless about the future. But this morning I've got up and the thoughts are whirring around my head again and I just feel like screaming at the top of my lungs!
Everyone keeps telling me the only way I will learn to cope is to go through times like these. But my worry is...what is it...something like 1 in 10? DON'T get through it. They succeed in committing suicide. I have never actually tried because I wouldn't need to. As far as I'm concerned there is no 'try'. If I want to die...I will die and I would make sure of it. Most people who are saved from suicide attempts must have in some way, still wanted the chance to be saved. I know that wouldn't happen to me which is why I've never made any attempts on my life.
Suicide aside....knowing I can't do it, self harming is the next coping mechanism which is tempting me. Again, images just go through my head of me doing it etc... sometimes they are so bad they can make me feel quite sick and dizzy.
Well...anyway...I just needed to get these thoughts and feelings out. I don't know why because it doesn't take them away and you are all just people sitting on computers trying to help people the best you can. I guess I just don't want to feel so alone with these thoughts. I just want them to go away...
x-Bliss-x
Most of us have been there and some of us have even taken it a step further by attempting suicide. Please don't be like us.
And you have to eat, and take your vitamins.
In the meantime, check out the new Paz video I posten in the "what are you listening to" thread.
I walked out in front of a car - it just happened to hit me in a certain way that I survived.
Thinking all people who survive suicide want to survive is naive.
That aside, i wish you well.
PS you are also, to us, just a person sitting at a computer. It works both ways.
And don't make assumptions that we are here to help...its not policy.
effervescing - I didn't say "all people" I made the point of NOT saying "all". I said most.
boxrep - I wasn't really assuming anything but having said that...this is a support board isn't it?
x-Bliss-x
You are implying that the majority of people who have failed suicide attempts have failed because they didn't really want to die in the first place.
This is simply wrong.
Go read some books on suicide before you make rash assumptions.
Sorry if I seem harsh here, but you are basing your whole views on suicide on a false assumption, and someone should tell you that your view is based on a false assumption.
Sorry, but that's just how it is.