Part IV...If I am really serious about my recovery then its time to break a few bad habits I have developed over the years. I have talked about increasing my physical activity and watching my diet in the past, but there are two other major concerns that people have when it comes to my health that I really haven't addressed yet and that is my smoking and drinking.

It is a well known fact that people who suffer from mental illness seem to have a higher rate of both smoking and drinking, and unfortunately I fall into this category. I do not believe I have a drinking problem for I can go quite some time without a drink and not even think about it. My main concern I have is my smoking.

I can sit for hours to my own thoughts whilst chain smoking on even given day, and this may or may not include having a beer in my hand, and sometimes its whilst I will drink coffee after coffee especially late at night. So its seems I'm fed by nicotine, alcohol and or caffeine, keeping all my addictions satisfied whilst I ponder life's greatest mysteries.

I had begun smoking at the age of 25 just prior to my first psychotic episode. I was in Melbourne and was going through some personal issues. I ended up making a list of all the things I had done, but somehow managed to come up with a list of things I hadn't done. I was so against smoking at that stage and that was at the top of my list, drugs was another. My closest friends at the time had started experimenting with drugs at this stage and I decided to go along with them. So instead of saying "no" all the time, I thought I would try these things, for I wanted to open my mind, and not feel so closed off like I thought I was. So basically that's where it all began.

Little did I know at the time that my experimentation with drugs would be a major factor in triggering my mental illness due to my predisposition to it. I did not realize how fragile my mind really was, for to my friends and family I was one of the most strongest willed person you could meet. But I let my guard down, and broke my own rules and boy have I paid the price for that since.

I was never addicted to the drugs we experimented with, and basically after my first admission into hospital I quit the drugs I was taking altogether. However, 15 years has past since I first started smoking and I am still yet to break the habit.

I have read books on how to quit smoking in the past, and have attempted to quit many times. But something always happens that makes me run back to it. To me, it seems to be the ultimate mood stabilizer, although this is really just a fallacy. Its the nicotine withdrawal I go through when attempting to quit that gets me running back to a cigarette for there is nothing worse than having a problem you cannot solve and then going through nicotine withdrawal at the same time. Its a double whammy, and when I can't solve a problem, I still get a sense of pleasure of smoking for at least I have dealt with my withdrawal pangs and then can deal with the original problem remaining unsolved. This is probably hard for a non-smoker to understand, but like anything, in order to quit you must understand your addiction and if you have never had an addiction, you couldn't possibly understand it, much like mental illness.

I'm surrounded by people who really care for me, and would love for me to kick this habit. Lately I have been wheezing a lot due to smoking and this is starting to worry me. Not to mention the smell and the way it stains my fingers and teeth. At the end of the day, what I thought was a social lubricant, has now become a quite anti-social and both the Australian and New Zealand governments are doing all they can to eradicate smoking all together. This started with the governments banning advertising of cigarettes and preventing cigarette manufacturers from sponsoring events. The Australian government has since introduced plain packaging on all brands of cigarettes and not allowing them to be put on display in retail outlets. Not to mention the ever increasing costs of them. Its true that affordability is one of the major factors I myself will be quitting. It just worries me that I may be tempted to smoke again when I get to the Philippines for the price of cigarettes are extremely low compared to here, but somehow I think Maria will have something to say about that.

It has been 24 hours since I have had my last cigarette. I am using nicotine replacement therapy (NRT) to help with my withdrawals. It will take a few weeks until this subsides, and I hope not to be tempted to go and buy another pack of cigarettes again. This is the challenge for me, and a major part of my recovery process. I would love to be both physically and mentally fit again, and if I was to be completely honest with myself, this wouldn't be achieved until I completely kicked the habit.

Ref: www.boxrep.blogspot.com