Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
I had my first mental assessment last Monday, 2 hours with a nice lady, discussing my issues for the first time, her initial feelings are that I am Bipolar/personality disorder, I have a follow up appointment next Tuesday with a Pdoc, with a view to treating my issues with drugs.
We were discussing my 60+ jobs that I have had and i explained that I always perform at a high level for the first few weeks and then I struggle with relationships, being locked up with people for 9 hours and my energy and concentration levels are either sky high, or zero. She said to me "Paul can't you you just approach the job as if you plan to stay there for 5 years?" When in Rome and all that!! I explained that due to my personality disorder I have little or no logical decision making ability and I can make life changing decisions with little or no consideration of the consequences...Anyway I had a job interview yesterday in a busy customer services department heading up the team and i decided for the first time ever to be Paul and not conceal my personality, the job is well below my pay grade and ability and all I had to do really was turn up behave and the job was mine.
I had a slightly manic and elevated mood during the interview, I was laughing and joking, winning them over...so I thought, I even explained that I was a smoker and was it acceptable to have a smoke break either side of lunch time (never asked that before in an interview) I said let me look around your department and i will let you know if I like it or not!! as I don't want to waste either of our time.
They liked me I could tell, however, i was too confident, too pushy and too manic and open, the result, not even a call back as promised!! I am actually not bothered as I have now accepted that there is no place for me in the workplace, I dislike the way people behave at work, I can't do these false relationships. So being Paul got me nowhere, I am now aiming to get signed off of work, so I no longer need to worry about bringing in a little money to help my girlfriend who works full time. I plan to do some healthy cash in hand work such as gardening, or decorating and i plan to spend my spare time getting fit, going for hikes and making the most of having this spare time.
I don't even really want to have meds right now, I don't want to be tired and sedated, I want to try and make myself feel better, no guilt of not working, get out each and every day in the fresh air and accept that i am just very different to people. I guess what I am saying is that maybe I am going to try and embrace my B.P instead of fighting against it, drugs will just subdue me in my opinion. I just wanted to post this and see what you guys think?
We were discussing my 60+ jobs that I have had and i explained that I always perform at a high level for the first few weeks and then I struggle with relationships, being locked up with people for 9 hours and my energy and concentration levels are either sky high, or zero. She said to me "Paul can't you you just approach the job as if you plan to stay there for 5 years?" When in Rome and all that!! I explained that due to my personality disorder I have little or no logical decision making ability and I can make life changing decisions with little or no consideration of the consequences...Anyway I had a job interview yesterday in a busy customer services department heading up the team and i decided for the first time ever to be Paul and not conceal my personality, the job is well below my pay grade and ability and all I had to do really was turn up behave and the job was mine.
I had a slightly manic and elevated mood during the interview, I was laughing and joking, winning them over...so I thought, I even explained that I was a smoker and was it acceptable to have a smoke break either side of lunch time (never asked that before in an interview) I said let me look around your department and i will let you know if I like it or not!! as I don't want to waste either of our time.
They liked me I could tell, however, i was too confident, too pushy and too manic and open, the result, not even a call back as promised!! I am actually not bothered as I have now accepted that there is no place for me in the workplace, I dislike the way people behave at work, I can't do these false relationships. So being Paul got me nowhere, I am now aiming to get signed off of work, so I no longer need to worry about bringing in a little money to help my girlfriend who works full time. I plan to do some healthy cash in hand work such as gardening, or decorating and i plan to spend my spare time getting fit, going for hikes and making the most of having this spare time.
I don't even really want to have meds right now, I don't want to be tired and sedated, I want to try and make myself feel better, no guilt of not working, get out each and every day in the fresh air and accept that i am just very different to people. I guess what I am saying is that maybe I am going to try and embrace my B.P instead of fighting against it, drugs will just subdue me in my opinion. I just wanted to post this and see what you guys think?
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
If it is bipolar - I'd take the meds. I'm about the same age as you, married three times with a daughter in her mid twenties.
Since taking the meds I work better, I think my relationships are better and I'm a better father. There's an argument that says even if you won't directly benefit you will make the lives of those you love easier on meds.
On the right meds you shouldn't subdue you - simply stop the extremes.
Not all meds are sedating and med choice is something to work out with your pdoc. Don't be afraid, be hopeful.
I'm not sure what you mean exactly by "embrace" -- do you mean just accept that this is something in your life that can and does affect you mentally and emotionally and physically and that you're ok with that?
I'm glad you finally got the evaluation you were waiting for. :)
Like you, I enjoy the zany side of my persona, but I am more than ever aware these days that this has to be kept under control if I am to lead a better life. In the past, mania has cost me much in lost relationships, and ruined a few good careers etc.
For me, Lithium seems to do the trick with little side effects. It certainly doesn't put me in a zombie world! I therefore sincerely hope that you can find some meds that suit you or benefit from therapy.
I agree with fish... They are two different diagnosis with different treatments
What helped me the most at the beginning was acceptance... When I totally accepted the diagnosis I worked with it to be as well as I could be as opposed to working against it
Big hug for you and a blessing...x
As far as the job thing goes I think beepers are better suited sometimes to jobs that they can do on their own and set their hours and work as able to.These are just my thoughts anyway. Good Luck with whichever route you go!
It's good to see that you have a fallow up appointment with a psychiatrist, hopefully he will be able give you a solid Diagnosis.
Don't be surprised if you get a Dual diagnosis of both BP and BPD. Though they are different illness's it is not uncommon for a Beeper to get a diagnosis of a personality disorder (depending on background).
There are a number of people right here in this group that have both Bipolar and a personality disorder listed on their profile. So even though BP and BPD are entirely different illness's and do have different treatments, the can both be present in an individual, which may or may not be the case with you.
As already been said the treatment for BP is medication, for many people find Therapy helpful in there treatment of BP, and the treatment for BPD is generally treated behavioral and individual therapy, however in severe cases BPD is treated with medication and therapy. The meds that are used are mood stabilizers and antipsychotics.
On a more personal note I want to say hat I identify with having the struggle with personal relationships especially work relationships. I have also had my own issues with taking meds, but what I has found is by being on the lowest affective dose of my meds and using tools that I have learned in therapy, I have found a stability that I did not have when I wasn't using meds.
Many bipolars decide on other treatments then medications. They do fine or some not depends on the road you want I can't live with out them.........i will die I think to just make the determination that all meds are bad and sedating and lessen your quality of life is wrong. I also think it can be dangerous for newbies to see. Many of us old timers after years of suffering and trial and error can tell you the right for you combination or one med can make all the difference in your life. I don't know if I will ever be in another hospital i know that I was in many then I got put on lithium in 07 and i have not seen a inpatient unit for my bipolar since then . Im not drugged or slowed or miserable Ive been on a low dose of my med for over a year and that made me very depressed again i didnt know myself and after one week i get these glimpses and i say oh you ..........and smile yea i remember you.........my lithium brings out the real me the one that was meant to be out and about. So yea every bipolar has to find their way ...does not find it right or wrong as long as it does not damage anyone along the way. good luck to you in your journey I do hope you find the easy path regardless of which you choose.
Never be afraid to "be Paul", but as we grow in our awareness of what all this stuff Means, we learn better how to Use "ourselves" in a way that will be beneficial to us, instead of holding us back. :)
Welcome to the group -
Mary Anne