Bipolar Disorder Support Group
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so.. i have a friend, shes great. but her parents now hate me. and i know why. i did somehting maybe i shouldnt have done. but i was just helping my friend stand up for herself. just showing her parents that she is 20 fucking years old and should be able to do as she pleases.
all because her mom didnt want her spending the night with some guy she doesnt know, one of my boyfriends friends. so her mom over reacted and i had said that shes going to do what she wants. i meant to say that she should be able to do what she wants. all the same, they now hate me. but what do i care? they need to give there twenty year old daughter some fucking freedom. whats it matter who she hangs with. she is quite capable of taking care of herself.
did i do something wrong by sticking up for her?
im fucking bipolar, dont need my friends paretns telling me what to do, flipping out on there daughter because they dont like me now. that they think low of me, because i stood up for my friend. what was i supposed to do? let her be pushed around? not going to happen. shes one of my best friends and i care for her alot. she means the world to me and ill always be right here.
her mother said she doesnt want me and my friend hanging out any more.. dont know if she changed her mind, btu whats she going to do? she cant stop me. ill hang out with my friend if i want. if she doesnt let us hang out, were both going to become miserable and its going to be living hell.
im not about to lose my best friend. i dotn care if her parents hate me.
sorry had to rant...
all because her mom didnt want her spending the night with some guy she doesnt know, one of my boyfriends friends. so her mom over reacted and i had said that shes going to do what she wants. i meant to say that she should be able to do what she wants. all the same, they now hate me. but what do i care? they need to give there twenty year old daughter some fucking freedom. whats it matter who she hangs with. she is quite capable of taking care of herself.
did i do something wrong by sticking up for her?
im fucking bipolar, dont need my friends paretns telling me what to do, flipping out on there daughter because they dont like me now. that they think low of me, because i stood up for my friend. what was i supposed to do? let her be pushed around? not going to happen. shes one of my best friends and i care for her alot. she means the world to me and ill always be right here.
her mother said she doesnt want me and my friend hanging out any more.. dont know if she changed her mind, btu whats she going to do? she cant stop me. ill hang out with my friend if i want. if she doesnt let us hang out, were both going to become miserable and its going to be living hell.
im not about to lose my best friend. i dotn care if her parents hate me.
sorry had to rant...
Anyways, I stepped in and said something and her mom was like who the hell are you? Being myself I stood right up to her and said why are you being so nasty to me? You've known me since I was 15 and I just want you two to get along Things finally simmered down and now it is a distant memory to us both.
I know you are upset right now, but now being the mother of a 16 year old and being treated rudely by her boyfriend...I gotta throw the 'ol saying in....respect your elders. I'm not saying you were in anyway rude by what you said, but just be careful if you want to keep your freindship. Parents can even hold a grudge at times. Sad to say.
I really don't think you did anything wrong being on your friends side about this. Of course, you're going to be. But, try and look at it form her mom's viewpoint of it all. If my mom knew half the shit I did at 20 she would have a heart attack. Just sayin'.
I do so hope things will work out for you. I know how important a best friend is. Do you ever think you could talk to her mom? I mean when people are upset they both say things....she must know that much.
im not usually a mean person. im usually very quiet and honest. and i never speak up for myself, so why when i speak up for something i believe in its something i shouldnt have said? i have anger issues, yes, and i was mad yesterday... and i coudlnt help it. i didnt meant o be rude to her mother, didnt meant o doa nything wrong. but apparently i did. i always do.
Parents are worried about kids (especially adult kids) making sound judgements. I believe in talking straight out and directly. If it is about having sex with a boy well that may just happen..this girl is an adult. So if that were the issue it may be time for your friend to say in a very mature way that she is or has taken responsibility for protecting herself and that she feels she should be able to have a relationship. She feels that is her choice and her decision.
Maybe the parents have an issue with this guy. Is he a safe person? No parent wants there child to get caught up in a relationship with a guy who is misusing drugs or alcohol. Look some people are recreational..they don't use drugs everyday..maybe once in awhile they smoke pot. Maybe once otr twice a week they have a few drinks...not a half a case of beer. Sometimes parents worry that their daughters may not be able to understand the difference between a safe person and an unsafe person. If your friend can be honest about this again in a mature way with her parents and take responsibility..like not drinking and driving..not getting involved with people who may be unsafe with drug/alcohol abuse...and having a serious adult conversation with her folks maybe then they would leave her be more.
I guess I would encourage my friend to be responsible and take responsibility for being an adult by having open and honest adult communication with her parents. As a parent I know I would appreciate that and find relief.
Sorry you had a situation with your friend's mom. I'm sure it was upsetting.
I have three daughters -- ages 24, 22.5 and almost 21 -- and I know how complicated the relationships can become when the children become "adults."
How can your friend's parents stop her from moving out? She's an adult. Do you live on your own?
Standing up for your friend was perfectly fine -- as long as you calmly presented your position. But if you lost your temper, or cursed, then I'm not surprised the parents aren't happy with you.
Good for you for apologizing to your friend's mom. Sounds like she is very protective of her daughter. Are you allowed to be with your friend or is that prohibited?
You've got no right at all to interfere with the relationship between your friend and her parents.
She's living under their roof, she's not of age (or at least wouldn't be, here in the states), and if I were her parent I would sure as Hell try to keep her from doing something that I didn't think was appropriate for her to do.
She should not be able to do as she pleases just because she is 20 years old. It matters plenty who she spends her nights with.
Did you 'just' give her parents a piece of your mind, or did you try to 'sneak' behind their backs and get her together with this guy, too?
If you and your friend tried to do anything behind her parents' backs, I can see why her mother doesn't want her daughter to hang around with you anymore. She thinks your a 'bad influence.'
If you ONLY offended them by telling them how they should and should not treat their daughter, maybe not too much damage has been done and things can be mended.
You say that you said you are sorry, but that she doesn't believe you.
I don't believe you, either. You keep saying that you don't care if they hate you. You don't seem too regretful for having said anything to them.
Well, wait. I take that back. I think that you DO regret having handled things as you did, but instead of admitting that you were very wrong to have spoken to them like that and giving them a heartfelt apology, you're trying to minimize the wrongdoing on your part and trying to justify your behavior.
It doesn't matter HOW much these things 'needed saying', it is not YOUR place to say them.
You have anger issues, were mad and 'couldn't help it.' That may be the reason you did it, but you don't get to use it as an excuse.
Show some maturity yourself. Never mind that you didn't 'mean' to be rude.
You were.
And nothing that her parents did makes what you did any less rude or any less wrong.
Take responsibility for your own actions.
If you think your friend's parents are abusing her, call the appropriate authorities and turn them in.
It's not your place to do anything about how your friend's parents are raising her, no matter how much you don't like it.
You have a right to your opinion about it, and you have a right to talk to your friend about it as much as you want and urge her to say and do what you think is needed but that's about the limit of your rights in this matter.
And if your friend doesn't choose to do what you want her to, you should respect the choices that she makes, too.
If I were you, I would focus on what *I* did wrong, and nothing else and then I would do whatever I could to make amends.
Do you want to be 'right', or do you want to be welcome in your friends' life?
I suggest you try to apologize to her parents again -- maybe in a letter if you can do a better job of it that way or if it's the only way you'll be allowed to communicate with them.
Admit and acknowledge everything that you did that you shouldn't have and tell them you are deeply sorry that you behaved the way you did.
And do NOT use the word 'but' in whatever you write them.
No 'I'm sorry -- but I have anger issues and couldn't help it.'
No 'I'm sorry -- but you need to lighten up on your daughter'
Stick to the 'I shouldn't have done this and I shouldn't have said that and I was totally out of line and I am extremely sorry for my actions and hope you will be able to forgive me.'
There's no guarantee that her parents will accept your apology and let you and your friend hang out together again, but it's probably your best shot.
Good luck. I'm sorry that you lost it with her parents and that it turned into as big a mess as it did and I hope that things can be made right again.
If you and she DO get to resume your friendship, bitch and moan about how mean and strict and how unfair her parents are all you want. And try to brainstorm on ways to get them to come around to your way of thinking.
But when it comes to actually interacting with them about anything, that's your friend's place, not yours.
Solo maybe you did step on a toe, but maybe that toe needed stepping on!
You all dont know the whole story... i do, so please give a girl a break.
loves & hugs
dee
Besides, what do you want for a buck, LOL!!!!?
A refund? :) I couldn't resist posting this in response to your last post. I'm not suggesting your advice was incorrect in any way. I just thought it was funny. :)
NO REFUNDS!!!! LOLOL!!!! I came across with the goods!!! It's not like the people have to use the shitty advice I give!!
no i didnt curse or swear. i was fairly calm.
yes i do live on my own, i know what the freedom is like, i live with my supportive boyfriend and a roommate.
i know the guy that was coming over, and so does my boyfriend. theyve been friends for years.
we didnt try to sneak behind there back and do it anyways, my friend simply asked her mother. but being her mother, she over reacted.
as far as i know, her mother and her have talked things over and things are ok. with me? i dont know. i didnt ask. i dont know if her mother wants us hanging out, but i dont think shell stop us. im her best friend. but who knows, well see i guess.