Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
I haven't been doing well for several months now. And I have noticed it starts in the fall months and goes through winter. I have a lot of bad memories during that time, I don't think its SAD, I think its the imprint of life circumstances that seem to happen this time of year or maybe its HAD (holiday affective disorder) ha ha. I loved the holidays as a child but now they are painful reminders of things that I won't go over right now.
To the point. I've been quite depressed, particularly the past month. Crying all the time, erratic moods. Increasingly I feel a lot of anger and agitation and I think of hurting people physically who hurt me emotionally. I keep myself in check, however, and I don't do what I think. I'm not comfortable sharing these feelings with anyone irl and think it will eventually pass.
I really need to get some therapy but I'm not sure how that will be possible. For one, I won't have insurance for a few more months now, I work 8-5 m-f and in this area there are no after hour therapists. They are few and far between to start with, I would have to travel an hour or more.
I said that because I know people will ask are you seeing a therapist are you on meds that sort of thing.
Really I just want to let how I feel out and also I want to know how normal is it really for people who are hurt to want to lash back at the ones who hurt you? It seems a normal response to me, but maybe I think of it more than a good natured "normal" person should. I know they hospitalize people who may be a harm to oneself or others. Yes I feel that way but I don't have a plan to do so. I don't think of killing anyone just hurting people who hurt me. I see it play out in my mind but haven't planned it. God, I just want to know if I'm downplaying or overanalyzing this.
Sometimes I feel like I have a grip on sanity. Like one holding to the limb above a deep ravine. Sometimes I just want to let go and stop fighting it and let myself just go into it and stop trying to suppress it. Does this make any sense? I've fought hard to be highly functional sometimes that involves pretending to be ok when I'm not and sometimes that works...it helps me from giving up...but how long I can do this...I'm not sure. And should I...will it be worse in the long run?
To the point. I've been quite depressed, particularly the past month. Crying all the time, erratic moods. Increasingly I feel a lot of anger and agitation and I think of hurting people physically who hurt me emotionally. I keep myself in check, however, and I don't do what I think. I'm not comfortable sharing these feelings with anyone irl and think it will eventually pass.
I really need to get some therapy but I'm not sure how that will be possible. For one, I won't have insurance for a few more months now, I work 8-5 m-f and in this area there are no after hour therapists. They are few and far between to start with, I would have to travel an hour or more.
I said that because I know people will ask are you seeing a therapist are you on meds that sort of thing.
Really I just want to let how I feel out and also I want to know how normal is it really for people who are hurt to want to lash back at the ones who hurt you? It seems a normal response to me, but maybe I think of it more than a good natured "normal" person should. I know they hospitalize people who may be a harm to oneself or others. Yes I feel that way but I don't have a plan to do so. I don't think of killing anyone just hurting people who hurt me. I see it play out in my mind but haven't planned it. God, I just want to know if I'm downplaying or overanalyzing this.
Sometimes I feel like I have a grip on sanity. Like one holding to the limb above a deep ravine. Sometimes I just want to let go and stop fighting it and let myself just go into it and stop trying to suppress it. Does this make any sense? I've fought hard to be highly functional sometimes that involves pretending to be ok when I'm not and sometimes that works...it helps me from giving up...but how long I can do this...I'm not sure. And should I...will it be worse in the long run?
There are real support groups - Free! NAMI and DBSA and 12 Step - there is help, and tools for a better life, just like anyone in this world, mental illness or not, we have to fight and learn, try and over come to have what we want.......
Acting "ok" when we are not? Hard, but simple good manners is how I look at it..... family, friends and co-workers? They care, but worry and little help - I get the help HERE and real life meetings, and working with others like US!!!!!!
It's does get better, and worse, and better - with working meds, and lots of coping skills - my episodes are fewer and shorter, but I still have them.......
I'm glad to see you back! Yes you are over analyzing, I call it Analysis Paralysis, a typical symptom of depression, so is suicidal idealization. Knowing these are common symptoms that everyone has, lets and helps me fight the intrusive thoughts.....
I try to replace them, or post here! Keep posting - I'm shooting for Healthy, Normal - setting on a washer! LOL
Hold on to us!
The training and hanging out with others - awesome!
The group - the first year was hard, many weeks with no one - the second year, every week people and new comers too!
Go start a meeting! State office will help HUGE help!