Good morning all,

Passing4shane asked me to share more about my 13 years post...

Flashback ( 2000 - 2005.) Growing up, every morning my Mimi would wake up at 3:30am make a pot of coffee and play solitare or poker on the computer. I would always climb out of bed and go see her and she would make me coffee milk and lay me down on the couch and put on Disney Channel or Baby looney toons. 

16 years ago my Grandmother (MIMI) on my moms side was diagnosed with Lung cancer.. which spread to her brain within less than a year. I was sad.. yet I was only around age 7. It was 2005 around the time of Hurricane Rita here in South Louisiana.. I didn't really understand at that time, I just knew she was loosing hair and getting skinny , but she was still here. We evaccuated to Northern Texas with my cousins, had a great time, she was sick everyday, but she was still here fighting. When we came back home to nothing but devestation..  she began her treatments at MD Anderson in Houston. At 8 years old you don't realize time is running out for the person you love and the one person who could comfort you with soft words and hugs.

Fast forward to 2007 I was around the age of 9, I was getting to go to Houston every time with her.. the doctor looked me in the eyes while shaking my hand telling me he was going to fix her.. he made a promise to me he knew he couldn't keep, the cancer kept progressing and she was really weak only could get around by a wheelchair. She was the most strong, beautiful, comforting, and loving woman I have ever met on this planet (Along side my other mawmaw, but besides the point.) The most dreadful year of my life rolled around 2008. We were going to MD Anderson more often for her chemo, she wasn't eating anymore, the sickest she ever been, the tumors kept growing.. My 10th birthday rolled around in June.. I had gotten a brand new phone, and I was so happy because I could set her ringtone to our song Ready, Set, Don't Go by Billy Ray Cyrus and Miley Cyrus. I did. I don't remember any phone conversations, but I wish I did.

Late August of 2008 we were getting ready for Hurricane season and she was not doing good at all. The doctors said she had a few weeks.. a month at the most. My mawmaw (my moms step-mom) and my Aunt sat my cousin and I down in the bedroom, they locked the door so no one could come in. When they told us the news I broke.. I cried and cried. There was nothing anyone could do now except sit and wait. She could barely get out of the bed at this point. We moved into her house, and I was going between my parents house, two weeks at my moms and two weeks at my dads. My mom, my brother, and I stayed at her house during hurricanes Ike and Gustav She would sit outside in her wheelchair barely able to sit up and watch the news and look at the rain. I was 10 and I didn't know any better, I just wanted to Play on the laptop and not go outside because I am more of an inside person. My mom asked me to sit with my Mimi so she could clean the house and do our dishes from the night before. I didn't want to, and I complained. Its my biggest regret. My mom knew it was coming, so she sent me to my dads house. Before I left that day, I hugged her goodbye for the last time.. I felt a tumor in her back the size of a softball.. worst feeling ever. Septemeber 20th 2008, my Mimi gained her wings and became my guardian angel. According to my mom, that night all of my Aunts kissed her goodnight and didn't want to go to sleep knowing it was their last day with her.. my mom was the last to sleep and the first to wake up.. she found her that morning she had passed in her sleep peacefully. I remember my dad telling me like it was yesterday, my knees hit the floor and I was screaming crying "why", I still don't know why the best person I knew was ripped away from me. She was my heart and my soul. When my dad and I arrived at the funeral, I fell to my knees again for the second time. I couldn't accept the fact she was gone.. she was cold to the touch. I couldn't eat, could't sleep, and I cried everyday multiple times a day. It's where my depression started, I didn't go to school for two months.. when I finally went back I saw the counslor 3 times a week, or every time I had an emotional break down. I gave up on God that day.. September 20. I never recovered, and I never will. 

Flash forward to my senior year it is time for graduation.. I could barely put my robe and cap on. I broke down before graduation, begging my now fiance not to make me walk because I couldn't do it without her.. I walked across the stage FOR her. I live FOR her. When I walk down the isle she will be there.. Pictures of her and I will be placed in a chair saved for her. When I have kids.. they will know her by her face. I will give them the love she gave me. Shes a fighter and she NEVER gave up. She fought a good fight for 3 years. 

I cried the entire time, I wrote this. I am not ready to move on, or let her go and keep only our memories. I carry that guilt and that pain everyday, some days are worse than others. I am fighting everyday FOR her. It wasn't my time to see her when I tried 4 times my Sophmore/Junior year. Maybe one day. If there is a heaven and hell. She's not in pain anymore. After 13 years there is still a half of my heart missing. I have a tattoo in her hand writing above my elbow, it reads "I Love you Always, MiMi" Its all I have left. 

Thank you guys for listening and reading her story. Even though it was cut short. 

- Kayla