Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
I'm reading an article about sexual abuse victims, specifically how older-female-on-younger-male sexual abuse is, A) romanticized, and B) under-reported, and
I can't read anything on sexual abuse ever with a sense of detachment. It's something I need to set as a personal goal so that I can further pursue understanding the human mind and writing socio-cultural stuff with a philosophical bent, but I just never learned that necessary step.
And I've got the sensation that there's broken glass around me. I know there isn't any damn glass, but I keep getting a weird vibe like there might be some broken glass nearby, or jammed into my fingertips or eyeballs or somewhere.
My breath is coming out of my nostrils all warm, I feel flu-like. Not unlike an angry bull.
Earlier I had the first dissociative/suicidally depressive episode in almost two weeks. The only reason I made it that long is because of my over-use of a certain painkiller which boosts serotonin levels. I'm a cheater, I know. Sue me. But if cheating in mental health earns me a week or two of peace, of my life not being interrupted by hiccups of wanting-really-badly-to-just-die spells, so be it, I guess. l:
Whenever I feel that dead, my body becomes physically freezing cold. Did I ever tell you all that? Does anyone else experience anything like it? It's like my cells are slowing down and dying. I mean, "It's summer in the south and I might as well be going into hypothermic crisis" cold-feelin'.
Huh.
You guys got any similar experiences?
Also I've heard that others associate colors and numbers the way I do, and that it's especially common in children.
1- strongly red
2- ?
3- sometimes red
4- always green
5- always blue, nothing else
6- ?
7- orange
Is this a thing some of you might do? (or feel, i guess rather)
I can't read anything on sexual abuse ever with a sense of detachment. It's something I need to set as a personal goal so that I can further pursue understanding the human mind and writing socio-cultural stuff with a philosophical bent, but I just never learned that necessary step.
And I've got the sensation that there's broken glass around me. I know there isn't any damn glass, but I keep getting a weird vibe like there might be some broken glass nearby, or jammed into my fingertips or eyeballs or somewhere.
My breath is coming out of my nostrils all warm, I feel flu-like. Not unlike an angry bull.
Earlier I had the first dissociative/suicidally depressive episode in almost two weeks. The only reason I made it that long is because of my over-use of a certain painkiller which boosts serotonin levels. I'm a cheater, I know. Sue me. But if cheating in mental health earns me a week or two of peace, of my life not being interrupted by hiccups of wanting-really-badly-to-just-die spells, so be it, I guess. l:
Whenever I feel that dead, my body becomes physically freezing cold. Did I ever tell you all that? Does anyone else experience anything like it? It's like my cells are slowing down and dying. I mean, "It's summer in the south and I might as well be going into hypothermic crisis" cold-feelin'.
Huh.
You guys got any similar experiences?
Also I've heard that others associate colors and numbers the way I do, and that it's especially common in children.
1- strongly red
2- ?
3- sometimes red
4- always green
5- always blue, nothing else
6- ?
7- orange
Is this a thing some of you might do? (or feel, i guess rather)
I was a sick puppy growing up. But thank God I never committed a Sex Crime.
Also though, you were a child, then.
So you having been sexually fascinated by teachers isn't anything weird, I don't guess?
What would've been weird, is if they were sexually interested in you, as a child.
It's not equal.
Children liking their teachers is a very explainable occurrence. Kids oftentimes see teachers as just other people, especially "cool" teachers.
That's why it's up to teachers to be professional, decent humans with very clear-cut social boundaries. You (as an adult) know why you're different from children. But to children, everyone in the world's pretty much equal, aside from parents ahaaa.
See what I mean?
So don't be too hard on yourself about anything you thought as a child.
I had the biggest crush on my (female) 3rd grade teacher, when I was a kid. I didn't even consider myself gay or bisexual (pansexual, really) until I was much older, even though I guess I liked a woman before my highschool years of being obsessed with the gothy "vampire" boys at my school lol.
My very first crush that I remember was Gary Oak from Pokemon hahahahaha.
Some others that I remember are Raven from Teen Titans and Orochimaru and Sasuke from Naruto lol. The stoic, detached kinds of characters.
From what (relatively little) I've studied about child minds in abnormal psychology and Early Childhood Care and Education is that children tend to view relationships and whatever else very differently.
Mostly the important thing is that even if children get crushes on adults (they will, but they're normal and fleeting), they need to form both platonic and romantic relationships with others in their own age group.
Ideally, any two people in a relationship should be faaaairly close in age, to prevent any one person from having the upper hand, should one person be a little bit more naive than the other.
But with adults 18 and up, the capacity to give consent's all there.
Still, way out-of-age-range relationships kinda skeeve me out because I'm not sure anyone's honestly "mature for their age". It only seems that way for some.
Anyways, I rambled. I dropped out of college earlier this year though, ayyyy.
Kids know far too much these days as they're brought up by slightly bigger kids. (or, in that Girl's case, her four older sisters)