So I went to the ER on Saturday night. I think I had already posted that. And I think that I mentioned that they did nothing for me. They said I didn’t “qualify for services”. The only thing they did do for me I was give me a prescription for Ativan. So, after spending the whole night in the ER for no reason and not getting my meds that I do take, I went home, took my meds, and went to sleep. When I got up I decided to go get the ativan filled.  First, they didn’t have the medication and stop. That triggered me right there. So then I went to Walgreens, and I talked to the pharmacist about what I’ve been going through with withdrawals. I asked her how long she thought it could take for this to go on so that I’ll feel better. Her answer was it could be a month . I started bawling right there in line. So I got my prescription, and I started googling natural supplements for depression. That took me on a hunt for St. John’s Wort.  My search ended at Walmart, where I was told that it was not in stock. I was literally so upset when I walked out of Walmart, that I got in my car and screamed so loud that somebody looked over at my car like they were scared to death. It probably sounded like I was being murdered or something. So, I Started driving, while at the same time screaming bloody murder and crying. I yelled at God, i told him I hated him. I asked him to please take me over and over. I told him I didn’t want to be here anymore that I’d wish he’d never saved me from cancer. I punched myself on my legs so hard that I am bruised up pretty good. I was in so much mental agony that I seriously almost drove my car to the marina and drove off from the boat dock. Instead I opted to go to 7-11 for a coke slurpee. I might still be alive, but I’ve been dead inside a loooong time