This is about your meds not working properly. Really, you have every reason to live. But bipolar tells you lies, when your brain is not working right.

You are special, and I always enjoy the honesty of your posts. Sometimes it feels like you are caught in a deep pit with no way out. But you can build your ladder or staircase out with the help of a pdoc, and good friends who understand. If it really gets bad, phone 911. You are worthwhile and you deserve to live. Hope that helps.

I agree I think it is meds not working.

Yes all of our brains are capable of telling us that we are better off dead and making us so miserable that we long for death.

Even people who have every thing and seem like they shouldn't have any reason to kill them selves feel suicidal because of brain chemistry. I'd call my pdoc or if worse comes to worse go to the ER.

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I hope you get through this soon.

I found suicide isn't as easy as you imagine it to be when it comes to the reality of doing it. Hating life and wishing the pain would end is normal. All we can do sometimes is keep breathing and endure the pain. Suicide is more about talking yourself into it than talking yourself out of it. I'd bet it isn't death you want, but merely an end to the pain. And only time can ease pain. Hugs

I call my pdoc or tdoc and talk to my friends on DS. I also think of my family and how much they need me. Sometimes it's really hard because I feel like I'm a burden. But I am the only one working now and my paycheck is what keeps us going. So I reach out and ask for help when I really need it.

I go thru the same thing when my meds' are not working, so honey do not feel alone, it sounds like they have not yet found the right meds for you, and sometimes we just need to rest out mind. For me, I have to take ambien and it does not work all the time, so I know what it is like staying up all the time and your mind getting no rest. What meds are you on? I am on here a lot and if you need someone to talk to just look me up in the mean time have you read The Unquiet Mind, or The Bioplar Handbook, they are both really good books that explains a lot of what your goign thru. Bipolar is not a death sentence it is just a dis-ease. Notice that I put it as a dis of ease rahter than disease, because when we find the right medication that is all that it is. And things do get better once they find the right coctail of meds for us and we learn how to work with the dis-ease and not against it. Life truly can be good, we just have to work at it. And life is worth working for, we just have to learn the right combination. Hang in there and look me up if you want to talk, it is not a death sentence, it just means we are highly intelligent people with lots to offer the world, Did you know we had two presidents and Winston Churchill were bipolar. We are very special people, you just have not seen the good side of it yet. Best of luck and be glad to talk anytime you need a friend. Kase

You are doing what I do, my Silent Diva, except that I try to silence the arguments. When I argue with myself, losing the argument a a sure thing. At best, one of me has to lose. When I am ABLE to argue with myself, I am not rational enough to find much of anything worth having.

Sometimes life just hurts and the quickest way out that I have found is to feel the feelings and head straight on through. The good thing about feelings is that they are NOT facts and they are guarenteed to change. My goal is to not create any more irreversible facts (like suicide) while I am waiting for my feelings to work themselves out.

Keep on reaching out, friend. This is not a good time for you to be playing The Lone Stranger.

I called my pdoc. Not sure if this is from the recent med change (doubled the Saphris and added klonopin daily instead of as needed) or I am just crashing from the hypomania I enjoyed for so many months. She wants me inpatient while they monkey with meds. Thank you all for your kind words and support.

2 people that mean everything to me.

If you are seriously contemplating suicide you need to go to the ER.

stuck in the deepest, darkest spot of depression, suicide often does seem the easiest and most mercifull way out. i completely understand that.

is there somewhere safe you could go until you get through it? a parent, close friend, hospital??? please just hang on for dear life and try to tell yourself that it won't last forever. it never does, but it seems like it.

Just that you are here tells me you know it isnt the only way out. You are hurting.....reach out to someone you trust that can help you through this. Call your pdoc and tell him how you feel. When I am to this point, I know I need someone else to help me through it....xo