Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
Hello, this is my first time here. I’ve called a suicide hotline yesterday, and the volunteer I talked to reffered me to this place so here I am.I apologize in advance if there are spelling mistakes – my head is just a mess right now,I can’t think straight.
Basically I’m diagnosed with panic disorder, OCD and most recently bipolar type 1. I am not sure about the real diagnosis since they change every time I see a doctor, but I am definitly going through a depressive episode which refuses to go away. I’ve had other episodes before but they never got this bad (and long).
Lately I jsut want to die. it seems like everything in my life went wrong, and 99% of it is my own fault. I’ve lost my job, screwed up my relationship of 4 years, alienated all the friends I had, quit college and got myself indebted.Then I compeltely lost my mind and managed to get myself hospitalized (began experiencing delusions/hallucinations, thought broadcasting, etc). Now I am out, but instead of psychotic I am depressed, suicidal, with self-harm issues, borderline reclusive and back to living with my toxic parents, who make it clear they want me dead just as much as I do myself. My panic/OCD symptoms have skyrocketed as well. Basically I am not better at all. I do take my meds right and see both a psychiatrist and a therapist, but I am still not improving and it is frustrating.
I am struggling so much to keep going, but I feel like I am losing the battle. I feel so lost and alone. I need help. I know I should probably go to the ER asap, but my last experience with hospitalization was terrible and i’m 99% sure they will want to keep me there if I were to tell them I am having suicide thoughts (why I didn't tell my psychaitrist nor therapist). I just don’t know what to do. Any help/advice??
Anyways, thanks for those who took the time to read my rant. I just wrote up everything that popped up in my head, hope it made some sense.
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
It's great you contacted the suicide helpline and I think you will get alot of support here - many members have periods when they are suicidal.
my own advice would be to pursue that diagnosis - if it is bipolar 1 then you would need meds and they will certainly help reduce your mood problems
First you have an illness and this isn't about fault at all so please let that go....It won't help to improve your situation
If you're feeling really suicidal I would at the least call your psychiatrist and let him know what you're going through right now
You are catastrophyzing blue.... When you take everything that has gone on within a long period of time and drop it altogether into one big melting pot it becomes completely unmanageable .... No one could handle all this at once
I would try and break things down into 'what can I do today?'..... what can I do for the next hour or the next 5 minutes that can help me'..... You came on here and I think that's great!!
You will find stability blue.... It will take some time.... I know it's hard to be patient but bipolar does come under control..... Once you are more stable your doctor will help you to find more coping tools..... Big hug for you......xo
You are ill. Not well. It's OK. It really is OK to feel this overwhelmed and spent and depressed. That's part of bipolar. Happens to me too as well as all bipolar people and many who aren't. If you're having thoughts of forcing the grave get to the hospital NOW. Call 911 if needed. They'll take you in an ambulance to the hospital if needed. Your life, though seeming shit up right now, is valuable! You are someone worth life! Please save yourself from yourself.
I'm grateful you came here, because someone here might help you see you should help yourself. I'm sorry it's under these conditions.
Sending good thoughts and calm wishes, and a hug
I do believe spelling mistakes are allowed here. One of my side gigs is teaching English to U.S. immigrants. I tried bringing my red pen here to correct grammar once and. . . well. . . Didn't go well. I do believe spelling mistakes are allowed here.
So is ranting. I know ranting sure helps me in sorting through my problems. Hope it helps you as well. If nothing else, it vents enough fog that I can see what is in front of me.
Welcome to the forum.
So, an update... I went to the ER. I was panicking so they gave me some tranquilizers, and then sent me home when I was calmer. I did not tell them about my suicidal thoughts, but I do feel it has helped me at least for now (still have suicidal thoughts but I don't think I am in danger anymore, unlike how I was when I wrote this post). Anyways,I'll be seeing my psychiatrist in about a week.. Feels like an eternity to me right now, so seriously considering to give him a call before. Still not sure if I'll tell everything to him either, but will do my best... Let's see what happens. Once again thank you, everyone. You all helped me a lot!!
Time warps for me when I am in episode. A minute can feel like eternity or months can slip by without notice. Sending calming thoughts while you ride out the week until the psych appt.
Congratulations on riding out this wave without tragedy. Hope you will have the confidence to lean on us again when the next wave hits. It is still no fun, but it is easier when I know I am not alone.
I hope that you contact your Pdoc and let him know what's going on....your safety is the most important thing...we've all been there, and being inpatient is not fun, but it is necessary at times.
Take care,
K
My best wishes to all of you.
Stay with us! Stay warm, stay whole, stay healthy.....
Do what ever it takes to last awhile longer!
K